Between Two Trees
by carmelinagunn
Summary: A story about Edward told through Bella. A love story. A loss story. A fantasy story. "When I grow up I want to be nothing at all" No vamps, canon pairings, AU.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer for the whole story: Twilight is not mine._

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**Between Two Trees**

**_"And if you get to heaven I'll be here waiting, babe."_**

**_- "Dead!" by My Chemical Romance_**

**Bella**

My eyes opened slowly, heavily as a bright light assaulted them.

It was too bright, too unnatural, and I fought to shut my eyes against the offending shine, but that didn't seem to help either. Each blink of my eyelids failed to sheild me, and I struggled for what felt like minutes (but what I would find out later to be less than a second) until the brightness began to ease.

Eventually the light dulled into a normal sort of morning glow and I was able to concentrate more completely on what was clouding my head.

This sensation, this new feeling, was overwhelming, yet familiar.

I was waking up. Merely opening my eyes to a new day, just as I had many times before in my 20 years of life.

Of course that's a rather simple concept for those of us who have managed to keep living all of our lives. I mean, waking up isn't a new thing. Yet here I was, marveling at the action and the way it felt like my body was finding release because of it. As if waking up this time felt... different.

It felt refreshing, and rewarding, which were great feelings. But there was something else about this...morning I guess it was.

Something disturbing.

Many things about _this_ waking up were disturbing me.

For one, this room was unfamiliar. It was beautiful no doubt, wrapping around me with cream walls highlighted in forest green and gold accents. The bed I was in was engulfing me in a giant, fluffy forest green comforter and my head was nestled into a pile of chocolate and gold pillows. The room was furnished well, or rather to my liking, so it was "well" according to my standards. There was a beatiful wooden dresser on one side of the room, the side my head was turned to when my eyes opened and had stopped battling the bright mystery light from before. It's sides were engraved with ornate vines and leaves which ran all the way up the vanity mirror and curled into each other, twisting into a beautiful wooden knot at the top. When I turned my head I found that a matching vine-covered bookcase overtook the wall on the other side of the room, and even in my disturbed state I managed to be pleased that it was completely filled with books.

There were paintings on the wall that all sort of added to my distrubance. They were all dipictions of intricate, lush forest landscapes and they were mysteriously beautiful. The thing that was disconscerting about them was, despite how beautiful each painting was, the giant trees held an eerie essence, almost a haunted feeling. Every shadow seemed to hold a secret, which was probably silly because the paintings were no more than colors dashed across canvas.

Another thing that was amiss was the fact that I was in a white nightgown. It was soft and comfortable but let's face it, a bit old fashioned. I felt like Wendy Darling minus the light blue hue that Disney put her in and made her famous for. I have not owned or seen an actual nightgown since I was about 5 years old and enjoyed feeling pretty as I laid down for bed. These days oversized sweat pants and a tank top were my normal sleep attire. But here I was in a white frock I'd never seen before and wasn't entirely sure was still manufactured and sold regularly. At least not in any of the public shopping locations I'd visited during my entire existence in Pheonix, Arizona. But then again, I didn't seem to be in Pheonix, Arizona anymore. Disturbing.

I also felt like there was something I was missing or forgetting that would make all of these odd detials make sense. Almost as if I should have expected to be here.

Waking up in an unfamiliar place clearly made me curious. It didn't necessarily feel _wrong_ though. I didn't feel scared or anxious, just a bit disturbed at the feeling of unease that was skirting my stomache and lurking in the back of my mind.

I mean, I shouldn't feel uneasy in my room.

"_My room_," I whispered out loud to myself in shock.

"My room?" I questioned next, again to myself.

It was an automatic thought, something that had just come to me as I rambled other thoughts around in my head about this new location, but it was untrue. This was _not _my room. _My_ room was in Phoenix in the only house I've ever lived in. _My _room was still painted purple from when I was a child and my mother thought that purple was better than pink and still a color that would be distinctly feminine. I've added my own touches to it as I've gotten older, but it wasn't too different from the girly image she'd tried to force upon me when I still virtually moldable.

Suddenly I missed my mother more than I had in a very long while due to the fact that this was not the room she'd designed for 5 year old me. It was separate from her. I hadn't felt this disconnected to her since I lost her, and that did not feel good at all. Waking up in an unfamiliar place jarred me into longing for her her smile and scent, which I hadn't allowed myself to do consciously for 2 years now.

This place, wherever it was, was comfortable and beautiful but I was _not_ supposed to be here, I couldn't be. It wasn't the home Renee had left me with.

_But it was mine_.

Ugh. Somehow I couldn't erase that feeling of ownership.

God, this was odd.

The most distrubing thing of all, and definitely the most intriguing thing I woke up to, was not all of_ that_, however. It was not the odd possessive feelings I had over the room I found myself in. It wasn't the eerie forest paintings, the furniture, the dress shaped pajamas, or the vast supply of books that kept calling to me.

Not even close.

The most disturbing thing I woke up to was the gorgeous man-boy I suddenly turned to see, sitting on top of the vine engraved dresser, leaning back casually on his hands, staring at me with excited, menacing, secretive, bright green eyes.

His stare was sharp and almost as unnerving as the way he seemed to appear from thin air, in a spot I'd seen entirely void of him just moments ago.

His stare was inviting.

And at the same time disturbingly possessive.

Before I could even fully appreciate the disarray of his bright bronze hair, or the sharpness of his jaw, or the unearthly way his posture sat atop the wooden structure, his perfect lips twisted into a dangerous sort of smirk and he spoke to me in a voice that felt just as the room did.

Familiar, foreign, new, and mine.

"Isabella. Welcome. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you."

* * *

**Yes, this is something new. Entirely. ****No, I don't know what I'm thinking. **

**I promise I have every intention of finishing More More More and then continuing Pretendre Desir Amour if you are waiting on either of those. I just couldn't keep this one in any longer. **

**Send me your thoughts!**

**The chapters shouldn't ever be this short again. **

**I'm hoping to have fun with this :)**

**LOVE YOUS**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**_"And if your heart stops beating I'll be here wondering, did you get what you deserve?"_**

**_- "Dead" My Chemical R__omance_**

"Where am I?" I asked the bright green eyes after a few moments of silent shock and intrigue.

I felt entranced and intimidated when I spoke. And entirely too interested in getting him to speak again.

"I'm not sure that's the most necessary topic of discussion at the moment, Isabella. But worry not. There will be time for that," he replied with a teasing tone and a smile that was hinting at both devils and saviors.

"When?" I asked immediately.

"Soon," he replied sharply, sounding offended at my persistence. "Surely you can think of something more... creative to ask, smart girl."

My eyes narrowed in annoyance, not certain if he was mocking my intelligence or not with his "smart girl" comment. His voice and tone didn't reach my ears in easy ways like normal people's. There was too much about it that drew me in and made me want more. I couldn't concentrate on the simple emotions it possessed.

I wasn't interested in this "creativity" he was asking of me in the slightest. I was interested in him, and answers, which I had a very strong feeling he held.

"Then tell me, _boy_, why are you smiling?"

"Hardly creative," he scoffed under his breath, loosing the sharp offensive tone of a few moments ago. "But easy enough to answer."

He hopped off of the dresser and walked slowly towards me. I stood up out of the bed before he moved too close, forgetting I had an out dated night dress on and should probably be embarrassed. I was only able to focus on the inches he was closing between us.

He stopped 2 feet away from me and looked down from the good foot his stature placed his eyes above mine.

"You are finally here," he responded in a near whisper that screamed through my ears and straight down my spine. I identified a few of the emotions that tone held: hope. Hesitation. Reverence.

I blinked once. Twice. His words surprised me.

"You were waiting for me?" I asked, truly hoping I sounded less hopefull than I felt.

How could someone be waiting for me here? I had no idea where I was, how I got here, or why I was in this place.

My only direct answer from him was a smirk and three steps backwards, back toward the dresser. Away from me.

He shook his head to himself, seemingly clearing it of something.

"You ask loaded questions."

"You aren't going to answer me?"

"All in good time, curious girl."

Again in a tone I couldn't quite figure out.

I watched him back up further, and I did the same just to have something do to under his now curious stare. I leaned my back against the far wall of the room as he perched back on top of the dresser in his lazy lean.

"If you know my name, why do you keep referring to me as '_girl_'?"

"You ask a lot of questions, you know," he replied with a small laugh.

He reached into his pocket and took out a small harmonica then proceeded to play a solitary, sweet note on it.

His irritating, life-saving smile held true, shining at me from behind the small silver instrument as he watched my reactions to him with amusement. My own smile wanted to appear, to show my odd, misplaced pleasure at how I couldn't get a hold on what he would do next, but I was so terribly confused at the same time. And this boy, this man that had entered this - _my_ room without my knowledge, was making things terribly better and terribly worse for me.

Still, I was loosing the feeling of uneasy about the room in general, and it was the only place I wanted to be. In this room, with this mystery, even though I did still need answers.

Too many questions flooded my head as I tried to solve the problem on my own. They all started centering around this boy, though.

Was he here as a predator? Was he here as an escape? Was he merely the bizarre star of a dream I was having, safe at home asleep?

"A little bit of each, I'd say," he spoke, all confindence and cockiness through his smile.

His eyes shone at me from behind the harmonica, playfull and clever, until the realization of what happened hit him half a second later.

The breeze that had been blowing the long green curtains bordering the large window of the room stopped fluttering as everything, even the wind outside, drew into stone, cold silence.

We were both frozen as well. Staring in shock.

He was statue-still atop the dresser, legs done swinging, somewhat glaring at me over the top of the harmonica he had yet to put down. His face betrayed a fallen smile and scared, wide eyes, reflecting the fear of a child. I sat there just as statue-esque as he, but with the wide eyes and more more more questions.

He'd heard me. My_ thoughts. _And the questions in them. The most important, the most simple question that was running through my head took over and escaped my lips.

"Who are you?"

I assumed he'd be angered by yet another mundane question from me, but this one actually seemed to please him.

He was an arrogant boy, that was becoming apparent. In an act that surprised me entirely, but really shouldn't have at this point considering how much I'd seen his demeanor change in the short time I'd been around him, his smile reappeared rapidly. The breeze give life to the curtains once again as he slipped back into his nonchalant form, leaning back against the mirror of the dresser and swinging his long legs and his heels back and forth lightly into the wooden drawers of the dresser once again.

"I can offer you my name."

He spoke casually in between blowing light notes into the room.

"Please."

"Edward."

"Just Edward?" I pushed.

Any trace of the saviour left in his smile fled as the devil retwisted it into a smirk. He was clearly enjoying how very inquisitive my tone had become in regards to details about him.

"No, not_ just_ Edward. I'll never be _just _Edward," he spoke with a quiet disdain, setting down the harmonica and leaning forward.

I watched his eyes turn just half a shade darker and unfocus slightly, as if he were somewhere else for a moment. His shoulders drew into his body a fraction of an inch, hunching him minutely. The sun that had been shining through the one large window in the room softened as a cloud passed over it. It's light was released again quickly just as Not _Just_ Edward returned to his previous state of nonchalance, with the light green eyes and the untroubled shoulders.

He pushed himself off of the top of my dresser for the second time and began to run a long, pale finger along one of the engraved vines that wrapped around the top of the wooden structure. His eyes kept mine captive as he began following his finger, walking along the path of the side of the dresser. I watched him move and found it quite disturbing how very badly I wanted to both stare at his eyes and the one extended finger as it traced the wood.

"First: I am no _boy_. I am Edward Cullen, if Edward doesn't seem to suffice. And you, girl, you are Isabella Marie Swan," he said cooly, using the "girl" word again with a smirk. He came to the end of his small walk as he reached the end of the vine, dropping his finger and turning his whole body's attention back to me as he spoke. "Born to Renee and Charlie Swan on September the 13th of 1989. Lover of literature and the colors of the sunset in Arizona. You enjoy being alone, but you have loathed being lonely for the past two years now."

"How do you know all of that?" In interrupted, stunned.

"I've studied you," he spoke quietly with no shame in his admittance, walking towards me again.

"Why?"

"So many questions. Again. Don't you want to hear more about yourself, Isabella? You've become one of my favorite subjects, you know."

He was directly in front of me, his harmonica and boyish antics from earlier left forgotton on the top of the dresser as he stood blocking me, tall and beautiful and scary.

"I'm not that interesting," I breathed, not sure how else one should respond to finding out they have been studied.

"We disagree."

He closed more distance between us, almost aligning his whole body flush with mine.

"I find you very intriguing."

"Why did you study me?"

My heart sped up. In excitement or fear, I'm still not sure.

"You don't eat meat, but that's only because your mother raised you that way."

Another fact.

"Answer me. Why do you know all of this about me?"

"You much prefer to be called Bella, but you haven't corrected me yet, and I've used Isabella at least 3 times now. I wonder why that is?"

"Edward, we just met and you know intimate details about my life. I'm in a strange room, and I have no idea how or why. I know you do. Please give me answers."

"You lack grace. Physically speaking, of course. You trip over everything. Or nothing."

"_How_ do you know all of this?"

"You never go out in the rain voluntarily."

"Wrong. I did once," I answered quickly, as a knee jerk reaction to having an opportunity to prove him wrong.

His smile disappeared.

"Really? When?" he asked, looking honestly confused and slightly doubtful.

"I'm not telling you."

Because if I could have the upper hand on him in just this _one_ thing, I was happy. As much as I was terribly interested in him, I didn't like being played with or kept in the dark.

His shoulders raised as his eyes darkened again. The cloud came back to hide the sun as the light in the room dimmed. I shivered but could not bring myself to wish he would move away from me. He was annoying, arrogant, and secretive. Maybe even a murdering, kidnapping, stalker for all I knew from our strangest of strange encounters thus far. But I felt no danger from him, when I searched inside myself for my instinct to run.

"Can't I know the story?" he asked me, still dark and unsmiling but in a velvet voice that everything in me wanted to conceded to.

"No. It's not important," I replied, holding strong and brushing aside a story that was, in fact an extremely important part of my history. "I need answers more than you do right now."

I watched him search my eyes frantically as I held my stance against his frustration with me. The littlest things set him off into these strange moods. Again, as fast as it came upon him it was gone. He blinked once and when his eyes reopened, finding mine once again, they were back to bright and curious. Menacing and in control. His head tipped to the side slightly and I noticed the cloud had left the sun alone once again, brightening the room behind him in a mesmerizing glow.

"We don't have time for your story anyway," he said softly, a hint of victory in his voice. "Alice is on her way."

"Who is Alice?" I asked, not expecting to meet another stranger so soon, with so much turmoil already churning around me.

"I'm not sure I'm the best representative of her person-" he began to retort with a mischievous smile, playing with me again by with holding what I wanted to know just for the fun of annoying me.

"Fine. Don't tell me who Alice is. Can you at least tell me why she is coming here?" I gestured around his torso to the room we were in, feeling tingly when my wrist grazed his black t-shirt.

He smiled wider at that, as if he could feel it too, again letting the devil have his way with his expression.

"She's probably rushing over to assure that you don't feel too," he paused for a small second as he raised his arms and placed his hands on either side of my head, caging me in, "...trapped."

_He was close enough to kiss me._

That's all I could think. Me, intelligent, well read, very _not_ boy crazy Bella Swan, was indeed trapped. By that one singular thought and the others that followed it about how his lips looked soft, and his hair looked touchable.

I blinked to try and escape his intensity, but when my eyes reopened nothing was different.

He was still close enough to kiss.

Hell, he was close enough (and probably powerful enough) to do anything he wanted to me.

And I wasn't very sure_ what_ I wanted at that moment. I could smell him around me and it was making me biased towards being trapped with him forever. He was musk, and honey, and forest, and boy. I'd never been this close to a male before. At least not one I was so incredibly responsive to, and it was killing and exhilarating me at the same time.

"No, Bella. It's not me that's that's going to kill you. I promise," he whispered as soft as ever, sounding more like he needed to convince himself than me.

This time neither of us freaked out about him answering my thoughts, at least not out loud.

Edward was infuriating, and full of himself, and very possibly dangerous. And yet here I was, literally trapped against a wall of a strange room by him, not knowing if I wanted to be or not, and having no idea, again, what he was talking about. I felt like I was going to explode with emotions, and feelings, and the need to touch him.

Luckily, a living, breathing, explanation of "who is Alice" broke the tension.

"_This_. This is why I didn't want to let you come in here alone. You are too dramatic for your own good."

Edward was across the room from me, fiddling sheepishly with the harmonica by the time I turned and settled my eyes on the small girl that had entered the room silently and interrupted our... whatever it was we were doing.

"How are you doing that?" I asked both of them, bewildered at their ability to enter and move about my room so swiftly and silently. I stood my ground, still pressed against the wall as if Edward were still caging me, exchanging my accusatory gaze from one of them to the other as they stared directly at each other appearing to have a silent conversation without me.

"No, I haven't, Alice. Don't be absurd," Edward said sternly, throwing Alice and annoyed look as he idly returned to playing the harmonica.

The little woman stared at Edward for a beat longer, scrutinizing him it seemed, before changing her tactics and turning to me with the warmest smile I've ever encountered.

"I'm sorry, I'm being so rude!" she chirped brightly, sounding sincere in her apology and bell like in tone. "Edward must be rubbing off on me."

She rolled her eyes at me right before mine shot right past her, to Edward himself, only to see him perform the same gesture with much more annoyance.

"Um, Alice?" I asked as her arms wrapped around me, pulling me into a hug I wasn't even aware I needed until I was engaged in it.

"Yes, Bella?"

"Where am I?"

Alice sighed heavily and Edward tossed the harmonica onto the dresser beside him haughtily, done with the tune he'd been fiddling with. He turned all of his attention to Alice and I with a bored, flat expression on his face.

"He didn't explain anything?" she asked carefully, pulling out of the hug and motioning her head backwards toward the bored figure behind her.

I looked down into her friendly hazel eyes, all full of compassion and mirth set under the crown of jet black hair the stuck out stylishly all around her head. She was quite small in physique, but not in presence. She seemed to be easily annoyed with Edward, so I decided to play that up in an attempt to get some help from her. It seemed sensible to leave out the part where I was literally twitching to touch his skin.

"No. All _he_ did was confuse me."

"You liked it," Edward interjected quickly, smirking to himself and placidly tracing another vine on the dresser that ran up and down the drawer closest to his left hip.

My mouth dropped open, flaunting the fact that I was still not used to his blatant displays of ego.

Alice scoffed and shook her head while placing her fingers against her temple.

"Oh my God," she mumbled to herself before looking up. "Keep it up Edward. It's really attractive," she scoffed.

"Alice, if I annoy you so much, then leave. No one asked you to come here, remember?" he replied with narrowed eyes.

"Oh, so we're referring to Carlisle as 'no one' now, are we?"

"I spoke to him, and all of you about this months ago and everyone was aware of the conclusion we came to-"

"No, that was the conclusion _you_ came to all by yourself before you stormed out of the house like a baby when Carlisle disagreed, stomping your feet and whining about sharing your shiny new toy."

I jumped as a clap of thunder sounded in the distance, surprised at how rapidly a storm was rolling in. I noticed the room darken as the clouds krept in. Edward now stood erect in front of the dresser, his eyes burning with liquid emerald fire.

"Do not underestimate how I feel about _this_, Alice," he spoke darkly, taking steps towards her as she stood her ground, looking fierce and true, not frightened like I would have been had it been me in her place. "Carlisle said himself, in the beginning, that this was my responsibility to hold. Forgive me if I'm not going about things the way everyone expects me to."

"That's your problem, Edward. You view it as a responsibility, and it's a gift."

Alice's eyes softened as she spoke, resolved on the mystery issue I was hearing them argue over.

"That's undecided," Edward responded as a little bit of the fight left his mossy eyes.

"No. I've seen it, and I've showed you. _You _are what's undecided."

I stood there, motionless and more full of confusion than ever, ever before. I tried to organize thoughts in my head, to rationally hash out every moment of my time in this room, but nothing made sense.

Soft, small splatterings of rain drops danced across the top pane of the window. This caught mine and Alice's attention, ending the silent stare the two of them had been sharing. Alice's eyes darted from the window Edward. Her face fell slightly as she sighed, "Oh, Edward," lightly before patting him on the shoulder and stepping around him. She walked over to the window and shut it. Edward turned towards the dresser with is back facing me, refusing to meet my questioning gaze.

My mouth was opening, preparing to ask the two in the room more questions about what the hell was going on, but of course the bedroom door opened and closed with a loud _BANG_, before I got anything out, startling only Alice and I. Another person entered my room.

"Why are you looking at me like that, kid?" the giant with curly brown hair asked me, smiling widely.

He took large steps into the smallish space and shook his head lightly, ridding it of the thin layer of wetness the light rain had left there.

I ignored my surprise, which was growing less and less with each new member of this unhelpful welcome committee, then answered as simply as possible.

"Well, you used the door to enter my room, for one," I pointed out in an accusitory tone, not towards him but towards the other two figures in my room that had appeared out of thin air. "So far that's not exactly been the norm."

His light brown eyes widened as he took a seat on my bed, throwing his arms behind his head and lounging against the headboard as if he, Alice, Edward, and I hung out every strange day in this room like old friends.

"I can't believe you two," he said with a chuckle and a tsk in his voice. "You didn't use the door on a first see?"

"Don't be stupid, Emmett, of course we did," Alice responded, reverting back to her light essence from before. She seemed to dance to other edge of the bed where she jumped onto it and poked the big man, Emmett, in the leg.

"Bella said you didn't," he argued back, challenging her with raised eyebrows.

"Well I did," Alice defended.

"I didn't."

The second the smooth voice returned was the very same second I realized how very much I liked it. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I suppose.

Edward finally turned around to face the room again. The sound of the rain hitting the window stopped though the outside world remained gloomy. I watched the small instrument turn in spirals inside Edward's hands as they moved the harmonica over and over and over onto it's front, then back, then front, as so on.

"Of course you didn't," Emmett mumbled with a laugh.

"Wait, you really didn't?" I asked Edward incredulously, not actually assuming that anyone could appear out of thin air.

"I told Jasper that Edward was going to pull out all the stops for this one," Alice said mostly to herself.

"I wasn't 'pulling out' anything. I was running a little late, so I compromised. No harm done," Edward shrugged, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"Yeah right, running late my ass," Emmett snorted,"There's no way you were late, dude. You've been waiting for this day for-"

"Emmett," Edward interrupted with an impatient, warning tone.

"Uh, they haven't really hashed out the details yet," Alice spoke cryptically to Emmett, apparently explaining Edward's interruption to him as she glanced up at me.

"Well then let's get to it!" Emmett cheered.

"Yes, lets! First things first, where am I?" I jumped in, way too ready for answers.

I looked directly at Emmett, feeling comforted by his joyful demeanor. Surely he wanted to help me.

Emmett laughed heartily at my enthusiasm.

"You got it all wrong, kiddo. It's not so much a question of _where_ are you, but rather _what_ are you-"

"Emmett," Edward warned again, slamming down the harmonica.

"Settle down, Eddie. I'm trying not to piss you off here, but we can't keep ignoring her questions. The poor girl is confused. I remember how that feels. I know you don't, but let me assure you, it sucks."

"That is my conversation to have with her," Edward replied, bringing in a possessive tone, like a young boy refusing to share his dessert.

"Then have it!" Emmett laughed, the sound becoming more dark and menacing and challenging than the merry timbre of his previous chuckles.

"Ok," Alice stood up on the bed with her arms spread out towards the boy who was leaning over the egde of the bed with a beautiful sneer and the large man still lounging on my bed, easy smile erased. "That's enough of this. Lets rein in the testosterone and be rational, for Bella's sake."

"Why haven't you told her yet, bro?" Emmett asked, seemingly ignoring Alice on the outside but you could hear more affection laced in his tone.

"She... _distracts _me," Edward replied quietly.

He turned to look at me again for the first time in what seemed like too long. His lips slipped into a crooked, heavy smile.

"You distract me, too," I replied quietly, honestly, finding myself smiling back at him though I found it hard to imagine myself looking as alarmingly alluring as he did.

I remained locked in the bait of his green stare, trying desperately to figure out why sharing moments like this with him erased everything else I held as important.

"_Oh ma-han_, Jasper's going to crap himself when he has to live with this," chuckled Emmett, looking at Alice but gesturing towards Edward and I.

"Live with this?" I questioned out loud again becoming very aware of things beyond the bronze-green black hole that was Edward. "Who's Jasper, and why is he going to be living with anything that has to do with me? Or Edward? Or me _and_ Edward?"

I admit I got the slightest bit frantic at the end there. The flood gates had opened, the final straw that broke Bella's back had been dropped.

"Look what you've done, Em," a calm, collected version of Edward spoke, "you've brought the inane questioning trend back," Edward teased as he winked at me, becoming far more playfull than I would have thought him capable of being.

"It's not my fault you won't answer them. You only create more," I accused.

"That's not very fair. I answered a few."

"You're answers only raised more questions! No one deserves _this,_" I spoke freely, wildly, reaching my hand out to the room around me as if it represented all of the confusion and frustration I felt.

"Some people do," he replied with a voice that was controlled and authoritative. "The real question, Isabella, is are you one of them?"

He searched me again with his gaze.

"Stop it," Alice berated him, hitting him on the arm like a mother repremanding a child. "We don't have time to open that door."

She spun around to me, plastering a comforting smile on her face that I hardly saw thanks to Edward's eyes still searching mine for something he would probably never tell me about, even if he did find whatever he was searching for.

"What questions _has _he answered?" she asked.

I scoffed. Staring back into his eyes, yielding his search, I decided to have some fun of my own. Let's see how they react to bizarre answers.

"Only the ones in my head."

"What?" Alice gasped. Before I could repeat my words she spun around to Edward. Emmett sat on the bed in a large lump of silence, watching the whole scene with an odd expression.

"What did she just say? You answered _the questions in her head_? Edward, that's not supposed to happen."

"I know that, Alice. I was just as shocked as you are. It was only that one window of time. No, I guess it was two. But both were brief. The rest of the time..." he lifted his eyes to me briefly, looking slightly annoyed that I was listening to him speak, "Before that she was silent. I'm going to have to ask Carlisle for further information, but for now I can only assume she can turn it on and off. Or at least she will be able to... once she figures out... everything."

"Weird," Alice breathed, turning to look at me, accepting his broken, coded explination easily.

I was now under all of their scrutiny, though they all projected different emotions through it. Emmett looked amused, and I was starting to assume that's because he always was. Alice appeared to be incredulous, though not upset. Edward had a hint of pride edging his features, which again held a crooked smile and an intensity in his eye I was begning to appreciate.

"I thought we were going to start answering my questions," I spoke to all of them, attempting to change the subject. If one can even do that when one has no idea what the flip the subject actually is.

"We are. Sorry," Alice responded, shaking herself out of her gawking. "Edward, enough is enough. Please, if Emmett and I need to leave the room then we will. If you want us to stay, that's fine too, but whichever your prefer needs to happen. She needs to know."

"I'm not telling her everything today," Edward responded, dipping his head towards Alice and speaking softly, with authority. His eyes betrayed him, though. They were slightly more unsure than before. He ran a hand through his hair as he waited for Alice's consent to his comment.

"Clearly we can't cover everything. But she does deserve the basics."

Edward nodded once, then backed up and sat atop the dresser again, this time folding his arms across his chest and sighing heavily. He looked at me in a kind, expectant way, as if telling me silently to proceed with his soft smile.

Emmett scooted over on the bed, patting the now empty space next to him. I obeyed, feeling so small next to his large form, but loving the warmth and joy that seemed left in his wake.

"Ok. I guess I'll try this one again: _Where am I_?"

"Forks," Alice replied simply.

"Where's Forks?"

"Pass," Edward said quickly.

I shot him an angered look.

He rolled his eyes with a light smile.

"Patience, pushy girl. You'll know soon. Not now," he amended.

Fine. I revised.

"What is Forks?"

"Nice try, but that's practically the same question," Emmett laughed. "Pass!"

I rubbed my eyes, frustrated.

"Who are all of you?"

"I'm Emmett, the dark prince over there is Edward, and the little fairy braiding your hair is Alice."

"I know you're names, this isn't funny. _Who _are you? Why are you here? Wait, why am _I_ here?"

"I'm unclear on which question you would like answered," Edward answered with a haughty chuckle, being difficult again.

"Why... am... I... here?" I clarified, staring at him directly and speaking every word slowly just to be over dramatic and play his stupid game, leaning towards him even though we were feet apart on the bed and the dresser.

"For me," he responded just as slowly, matching my leaning motion exactly.

I felt my face pale, then burn with a blush as his stayed the exact same smug setting.

"These two can't get anything done," Emmett vented, lifting his arms to the ceiling and droping them back down heavily on the bed at his sides. "New rules, so we can get through basics before Rose storms the castle demanding her man meat back: Bella and Eddie no talkie."

He made wild gestures in each of our directions, performing talking motions with his hands then slicing the air with his arms in a cutting motion.

"Ask Alice and I the questions, Bella. If Edward thinks he needs to intervene then he can get my attention somehow so I can permit him to throw in his two cents."

I nodded politely in response but Edward started laughing, projecting a sweet, throaty sound I wanted to hear forever.

"I would _not_ through the entire dresser at you, idiot," he said through the magical sound. "It'd probably just be a drawer or two."

That got Alice giggling and Bella just more and more confused. It was nice to see them happy togeher, however. Emmett had called himself Alice and Edward's brother eariler. While I didn't see any real resemblence in them physically, it was comforting to see them acting as a unit after all of the arguing that had gone on in my presence, even if it was just a moment or two of an inside joke I wanted to scream and demand they tell me about.

Emmett turned to me and waited. Question time was back on.

"Why am I really here, Emmett?"

"Sorry, that's a full blown Edward question."

Damn.

"All right, then. How did I get here?"

Emmett glanced at Edward. Alice's hands froze half way down the second braid she'd started as she looked to Edward as well.

Edward stared at me for a moment, sighed and ran a hand through his hair, then turned his eyes to his brother and nodded.

"Your circumstances changed," Emmett spoke carefully, his big booming voice sounding more business like than it should.

"Which circumstances?"

"The circumstances of you life."

"You're still speaking in code, or riddles, or something confusing. _How_ did my life's circumstances change?

"Simply put?"

"As simple as you can get."

"You're dead."

* * *

**Yes, you are still supposed to be confused at this point, worried not. You are in Bella's head after all, haha.**

**I'd love to hear your thoughts, all of them. I am quite nervous about this. **

**Thanks for reading :) **

**-Car**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**_"So throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot_**

**_You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not"_**

**_- "The End" My Chemical R__omance_**

_"Your circumstances changed," Emmett spoke carefully, his big booming voice sounding more business like than it should._

_"Which circumstances?"_

_"The circumstances of your life."_

_"You're still speaking in code, or riddles, or something confusing. How did my life's circumstances change?_

_"Simply put?"_

_"As simple as you can get."_

_"You're dead."_

Apparently you don't have the ability to faint when you are already... dead.

My whole body drifted towards that sensation despite the fact it couldn't reach it's goal, begging me to let it black out and forget the words it had just consumed.

Nothing made any sense. Not that I was feeling any sort of secure feelings about the situation I was in _before_ Emmett disclosed the information I thought would clarify things. But now absolutely_ everything_ felt upside down.

Edward was kneeling in front of me in a matter of seconds. He was not touching me but he was burning every inch of my face with a concerned stare.

I inwardly cursed him. Despite my panic at Emmett's words Edward's proximity to me drew the breath even further out of me, still mysteriously effecting me more than anything else.

"Please breathe," he whispered with a small smirk, as if the devil that resided there knew exactly what had stolen the rest of my oxygen.

I took a shaky breath and reached my right hand out, setting it lightly on his knee. With my head swimming the way it was I needed something to ground me. Some physical proof that I was still feeling and seeing and tangible. I wouldn't learn until later that it wasn't incidental that my subconscious directed my hand to him.

His deep green eyes left mine for a hurried second as he glanced down at my hand on his knee, then they snapped back up to me. I felt one of his hands clasp over mine.

The rough burning sensation inside of my skin is what brought my mind back from begging for darkness.

Burning is the easiest way to describe it, though it felt much more pleasant than what I imagine being scorched by a fire to be. Smooth, strong, tingling lightening shot through my hand where Edward was touching me. It warmed my whole arm. I imagine if the sensation were to be assigned a color it would have been a vibrant red, perhaps fuschia, mixed with strands of vivid purple. It felt bright and new and violent. But not altogether unpleasant.

I knew my eyes were searing him in a wide, desperate manner. He squeezed my hand, re-igniting the fuschia shocks briefly.

I concentrated so hard on his calming stare, wondering with all my might why he couldn't feel the strong, extraordinary colored feelings where our hands touched.

"I see them in crimson and mauve," he said quietly, answering my mind's thoughts for the third time. His head was shaking slightly as if he were still confusing himself with his ability to respond.

Of course he had better words for the colors than I did.

"What's happening to me, Edward?" I asked frantically, referring to a lot of different sensations and information I was still absorbing. I suppose I was finally feeling the panic my body had been suppressing all of the moments leading up to this one, but now seemed all too eager to realease. "Why did Emmett say that I'm... that I'm de..."

I failed in my attempt to utter the word. My head took to shaking itself though my eyes and hand stayed connected with his.

I watched as he turned to Alice and Emmett and calmly asked them both to leave.

"Are you sure?" Alice's pretty voice asked quietly.

"Positive. Tell Carlisle I'm not telling her everything today, but possibly more than I thought."

"We'll be close, Edward. I'll keep an eye out."

"Thank you. Tell Carlisle thank you in advance as well, please."

I assume she nodded in consent because I didn't hear anything else from her.

I felt Emmett roll off of the bed. A big hand landed on top of my head, startling me slightly before it mussed my hair a bit.

"Sorry for the scare, kid. It's better you know, though. This way you can bug Eddie with more questions."

His deep chuckle receded to the other side of the room.

"Relax Bella," Emmett called out as I heard the door open,"your dark prince will take care of you."

The sound of the door clicking shut presented an opportunity for the tension between Edward and I to rise.

The opportunity was ceased.

I wasn't really thinking anything in the moments following Alice's and Emmett's departure. I was mostly focusing on resisting the urge to reach out my other hand towards the boy in front of me. But touching him wouldn't get me answers. And I definitely needed answers.

The space in front of me grew cold. I looked down at my hand that was now resting firmly on top of the discheveled comforter. Edward was back in his former dwelling space, the area of the dresser. His hands were in his pockets and a breeze was blowing the curtains around the room, casting small shadows on his sharp features thanks to the small amount of sunlight that was breaking through the dense cloud cover.

"Take a walk with me," Edward said, far more casual that should have been allowed considering the mental breakdown I was frightenly close to having.

"No."

His eyes narrowed, dark and amused.

"Yes."

"No."

"We'll talk about things. I promise. Just walk with me, Isabella. It's a simple request."

"Are you going to give me answers? Straightforward, like Emmett did?"

"What fun would that be, silly girl?"

I'm very sure I growled a little bit.

"Stop playing mind games with me, _infuriating boy_. I'm not leaving this room until I know what the hell is going on."

My voice tighented and I spat the words across the room, becoming more frustrated at Edward than I honestly wanted to be, though probably far less than I deserved to be. If I could have assigned it a color as I did the shock waves, it would have matched the crimson of the tingling lightening but darkened it to a deeper blood filled tone.

His smile sobered and the room grew still. As he took steps towards me I protected my features, cursing the excitement rising in me every inch that fell away from our distance.

"I'm apologize for overlooking your need for clarity. I don't know what happens to me when I'm around you," he explained gently with sincere eyes. "Forgive me. I can't promise I won't infuriate you again, but I will sober up for the time being. Just walk with me. I promise I will answer your questions, the best I can for now. Please."

He probably knew I would go with him before I did. His hand reached out to me as an offering and I took it silently, allowing his bottled strength to pull me to my feet while I ignored the red and violet sparks I could feel erupt between our skin once again.

He dropped my hand once I found my own two feet and started for the door.

"I can't go out like this," I said suddenly as I felt the soft material of my nightgown brush against my calf.

I looked down at myself, flattening the pure white fabric against my body, then back up into his shining green eyes.

"Ah, yes. You're probably not used to such formal night wear. It's not customary here, I assure. That was a gift from Alice," Edward responded. "She thought you'd appreciate it. With your love for Bronte and all. Don't you like it?"

His tone and smile were teasing, because reguardless of whether or not I liked the nightgown or Alice's intentions it was silly for me to be wearing it.

"It's lovely. But I'm not going out in it."

By this time Edward had made his way over to two doors I'd barely noticed before and opened them, revealing a massive walk in closet. I approached it with my mouth open and looked to Edward with an astounded look as I walked past him into the room.

"Alice's doing as well," he explained quietly.

Everything in the closet was black. Different hues and textures all, but the color remained the same. It was then that I realized the three people I'd met thus far had all been dressed in the dark color. Alice had been wearing a black baby doll dress with lace lining the neck line and knee high jet black boots. Emmett donned black jeans and a black sweater with the sleeves pushed up. And he was wearing black sneakers. Probably a stylish Nike design, but I couldn't be sure. I'm not too familiar with Nike designs.

I was surprised at how instantly the accurate images popped up in my head. So many things had happened in such a small amount of time. It's a wonder I could remember my own name, let alone the picture perfect details of what others around me were wearing.

Then there was Edward, standing right in front of me, also in black jeans. His were more fitted than Emmett's, not too tight but following the lean line of his long legs carefully. His black T-shirt was tighter than most boys I'd ever known would feel comfortable in. It worked for Edward, though. He wore simple black vans and also a black wrist band.

"These are my clothes," I spoke as a fact, though I was undoubetdly ready to be wrong about anything at this point. Still, the feeling of possession that I'd experienced earlier with the room and the strange boy standing behind me was lingering in the closet.

"I told Alice not to go overboard, but she very seldom listens to anyone," he sighed with a chuckle. I found it easier to picture him relaxed and happy when my eyes weren't directly on him. "Hence the nightgown. I thought it might be going overboard. She chooses odd ways to show she cares."

I looked down again, remembering that the only reason I was wearing the frock was due to the fact that Alice knew of my love of Bronte novels. I wondered if it had been her that stocked the books in my room. I felt about 99.9 percent certain that both Wuthering Heights and Pride and Predjudice would be resting in that massive wooden book case. Keeping company with the likes of Jane Eyre, Sense and Sensibility, Dracula... the whole throng of outdated novels I loved and adored.

"How does Alice know so much about me?"

"Get dressed. Then we'll walk."

**-*-*-*-**

It didn't take me very long to select the simple black jeans and tank top that I did. Everything in the closet was exactly to my liking, even the few cocktail dresses that hung in the corner. I couldn't imagine a need to wear them. The only time I've ever really worn a dress was to a funeral. It wasn't black, though. Renee wouldn't have wanted it to be black. It was a floral design, bright sunflowers spattered over a white cotton, becuase those were her favorite flowers.

Had I ever wanted to wear a dress again, for any reason, the dresses hanging in my closet would have been what I would want to wear. I knew I should remember to thank Alice for all of it.

Edward and I were now walking along a pathway that led through this area of Forks. Edward informed me that we were in a rather rural area, there was certainly more to this place than the endless amounts of trees surrounding us. But besides that comment we'd been mostly silent since leaving my room.

When I had emerged from the closet Edward had smiled at me and then stuck his harmonica back in his pocket before getting up and leading me directly to the doorway. Which led directly outside.

I asked,"That's all I have? One room?"

We were on the outside of the small building, and it looked exactly as you would imagine it to look like. Just an unassuming wooden structure. Simple and plain. Very much like myself, I thought, though I was so used to that idea by now it didn't sadden me. It was a fact.

Then it all made sense. If the inside of my room reflected who I was, with the earth tones and the books and the clothes, then it only made sense for the outside to be the same.

"That's all you need," Edward responded, looking at me in a way that said I should have already known this.

"It's so small," I commented. I wasn't trying to hint towards any need of extravagance, I don't have any needs like that, but it seemed a bit confining to only have one small room to call mine.

We were standing directly outside the door, him on the ground and myself on the bottom step, both turned towards my oh-so humble abode.

I felt his electric presence draw near to me and one of his hands turned my head slowly towards his. Our eyes met on an even level, the step I was standing on was breaching the difference in our heights.

His emerald eyes were serious and true. He spoke softly, as if sharing a secret with me.

"_I_ have much more than this. _You_ have me. I'mhere with you_,_ so long as you want me_._ So, for now, nothing about what you now own is diminutive. Or inadequate. I assure you."

I believed him. I have no idea how I believed him (it was probably due to the fact that I would have believed _anything_ he said while the red and violet shocks filled the area between our gazes) but I did. I didn't understand all of what he meant, yet obviously. It was still overwhelming to comprehend what he said about me having him. I didn't even know him. Only my supreme ability to get caught up in the pull we seemed to have on each other. He angered me and pushed my limits half of the time we spent together thus far. I couldn't help but believe him and trust him, though. I held his statement as truth. I chose to find comfort it in. I didn't really have any other choices, though, in the end.

"What if I don't want you," I asked, not meaning an inch of it but feeling more and more playful as the time he kept his hand on my cheek wore on.

The little devil that liked to play with his smile danced across his face, taking a second to turn up a smile on mine as well. Then Edward let go of me completely, both with eyes and hand, and began walking away from me. He was laughing heartily as if I'd just told him a fabulous joke. I followed behind him silently, smiling at my absurd comment.

Finding humor in something that fate never meant to be funny.

The odd thing about Edward Cullen's presence is that it made me entirely content at the oddest of times. Of course this couldn't always be the case. I'd only been around him for a short time so far, though I couldn't tell you exactly how long, and he'd put me on edge hundreds of times.

But there were times like now, as we walked quietly through the forest, that he centered me. Grounded me. Charmed me with nothing but his near silent footfalls and soft harmonica notes.

We were going deep into the forest by this time, having followed a small dirt path for a while. After tripping five times I grew a tad curious and impatient. I'm not the venturing through the wilderness type. I'm too much of a hazard to myself.

"Why are you so insistent we go for a walk?" I asked with a light laugh. I was wondering out loud with no disdain. It was just mere curiosity as to why, if I was dead, I still felt so entirely full of my human flaws.

I reached my hand out to steady myself on a near by tree branch but milliseconds before my fingers made contact with the rough skull of the tree a soft, pale hand appeared in

it's place.

"Well, we can't have you cooped up in your room all the time," Edward explained as he tried to nonchalantly glance at our clasped hands.

I felt the colorful shocks take up residence underneath my skin but I think that my hand, at least, was growing accustomed to the odd burn and now felt comfort from it. I smiled at the sensation, then stopped and abruptly pulled my hand back. I'd been good so far on our little walk about staying focused on getting to our destination and getting some answers. I'd been successfully fighting the urge to touch him for minutes upon minutes now. I needed to stay focused. And not on his skin, or hair, or velvet voice.

"Also," he continued in a strange voice a short second later, after the sky grew minutely darker and a chill sprung up from somewhere near the ground, "Alice said that we'd have this conversation outside every time I asked her about it. It makes sense. I know the perfect place to take you. It's a place I like to have many of my more important conversations with... visitors. It's a place find calming."

He began walking swiftly in front of me. He wasn't rushing but he wasn't walking beside me comfortably anymore either. I wished I had brought the thick black peacoat I had admired in my closet instead of the thin cardigan I chose instead. The chill was rising swiftly.

"You can ask Alice about places you will have conversations?" I pushed, staring at the ground as I traveled behind him and did my best to avoid another trip in my steps.

"This one, yes. It was significant enough for her to know about."

"She knew I was becoming before I got here."

I did not need to ask. Over hearing their conversations had made that clear enough.

"We all did."

"How?"

"It's our job to know these things. You were a top priority arrival, of course. But we know about them all in advance."

He was speaking in a very business like tone, very grown up compared to some of the more playful word and cadance that he used earlier. I still wasn't aware of the details of his response, but I suddenly felt as if he held great responsibility in this place.

"By 'we' you mean?"

"Myself, Emmett and Alice, who you met. Also Carlisle, Rosalie, and Jasper."

"Your, um, business associates?" I ventured shakily.

He snorted a hard, quick laughing sound.

"My family."

"Oh."

I concentrated on the ground for a few paces, trying to match my smaller footsteps with the larger imprints he was leaving in his wake.

"And by '_all of them'_, the, uh, arrivals I guess... you mean all of the people who have... who have... um-"

"Died. Yes."

I nodded my acceptance of our brief conversation.

This information was quite odd, yes. Entirely odd. I was holding it together, though. Accepting what he would give me because I was just happy to be getting _something_ from him that felt straightforward. I decided to wait for more answers until we were stopped and I could read his features and try to loosen his voice from the tightness it had taken on. There were much more complicated issues I knew we'd be diving into. Like everything involving my presence here specifically.

My steps were quick and careful as we continued walking. I seldom glanced up, wanting to appreciate the lush forest spread around us and the lean muscles in the back of the man pushing forward in front of me.

Before long I ran straight into Edward's backside, not knowing he stopped because his gait was so silent.

"Sorry," I murmured, unsure of how he'd receive any contact from me in his new, distant state.

"We're here."

I looked past his broad shoulder, stepping out from behind his black form. What laid before us was a long, winding wooden structure, another path more distinct than the one we'd been following through the forest. It was still shrouded by trees and leaves and green green green, but it had a clear destination. A dark blue lake laid at the end of the wooden path that I could now see eventually widened into a small dock reaching itself into the still water.

Edward stepped up onto the wood then turned and offered his hand to me since I'd proven myself clumsy and the step was a good foot and a half above the ground we'd been traveling on.

I looked up at him in thanks and my breath stilled. In that moment he was the perfect picture of every gentlemen I'd ever dreampt of finding, just one top hat short of literally being a secret, unconventional fantasy of mine.

When I took his hand, this time by choice, I dashed the fantasy I'd had before and instantly revised my view of a gentleman. Edward Cullen needed no top hat. I didn't even know this person assisting me up the step, and yet I knew he had to be better than anything I'd ever thought I wanted.

We began walking down the long wooden path together languidly. When I felt his long fingers slowly start to slide from the grasp of mine, I let my hold on him tighten in protest. This place seemed to beautiful to not touch him in. I was focused enough to not be distracted by his searing skin. And selfish.

And just not ready to not be holding his hand.

We approached the end of the dock, greeted by a few rays of sunlight and a significantly warmer wind. The clouds still hung about, not entirely dismissed from the sky. I smiled up towards the warm rays anyway, not minding the presence of the fluffly grayness. I was ready to know more, ready to dive into my inquiries. Ready for another outrageous shock or two.

We sat near the edge of the dock slightly turned into each other. Edward reached over and rested my hand in my lap, then slid his fingers away from mine with a solemn look, as if knowing we'd both need to be unwrapped from each other physically as we worked through my purpose here and risked getting tangled in our words.

"Can I ask that this be as truthful and as blunt as possible?" I asked outright, turning my eyes to his to plead with all my might.

"Of course."

"I've heard multiple times now that there are some things you can't tell me yet. I understand if you need to use that answer as we speak here, today, but I cannot guarentee I won't get frustrated by that response. I feel like I'm taking everything in stride and still not letting myself really freak out over all the small explanations I _have_ been offered so far. I have no idea when it's all going to become too much, though. I may get overwhelmed at any second. Please, just try and understand how confusing this all is."

He nodded silently, looking vulnerable for a tiny moment, showing me a hint of the depth of the secrets he was keeping. He was apprehensive about this, too. Afraid of how to handle himself. I couldn't wait to understand what was so delicate about this situation, because it had to be big, and important, and worth something. He wouldn't guard everything so heavily if none of what I was doing here mattered.

"Ask your questions, Isabella. I will be on my best behavior."

Again the business man appeared, defensive and sheltered. I didn't really want him to be a statue giving me my answers. I wanted the charming, infuriating, playful boy that made me feel new things to feel freedom in this transaction. I just didn't want that boy to run rampant and keep alluding my questions.

"Oh, well, what fun will Edward on good behavior be?" I teased, nudging him with my elbow.

"Don't worry. It won't last," he smiled and nudged me back.

For a second, on the brink of this monumental turning point in my understanding of my existence, we were just a boy and a girl sitting by a lake, flirting.

I'd learn that Forks was funny like that, in the way it patterned moments that wouldn't normal live side by side.

I looked out towards the dark water to gather courage. When I didn't find any there, I began anyway, standing on the tiny mustard seed of my own.

"How did I die?"

No use beating around the bush. Not on my end, at least.

"You were in a car accident on a highway in Arizona. It wasn't your fault. An oncoming vehicle careened into yours after jumping a divider. The driver was intoxicated. He was having a rough time of things, I suppose. Ready to be destructive. Ready to die."

"So he's dead, too?"

"The other man was the fortunate soul that died instantly."

He spoke with reverence in his tone, as if that was an honour. As if that wasn't the case with me...

"He was the fortunate soul? The _only_ fortunate soul? Meaning I suffered first and I just can't remember? I guess... Well, I don't remember the accide-"

"Technically right now you're only in a coma."

I paused mid-word when his interruption reached my ears.

"What? I thought I was already dead. Right now."

"You are. Until... that is to say, _unless_ you decide to wake up."

He sighed heavily and it annoyed me. I felt entirely misinformed.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he asked somewhat indignantly, as if my irate look was offensive to him. As if I had no right to feel angrily bewildered.

"You've all lied to me!" I accused, allowing my voice to rise and become much too loud for such a serene setting.

"We do not have the ability or any reason to lie to you, Isabella. You are overreacting."

His calm, collected voice pushed me to the edge. I was so happy I'd warned him about my impending frustration. Because here it was.

"Do not do this to me again. You have to know how confusing this is, Edward. Explain, please!"

Apparently I still make an effort to be polite when I'm on the edge of explosion. My fists were clenched in my lap and my breathing was shallow. Needy. Edward's eyes softened and he pulled on a tuft of his hair.

"I'm sorry," he breathed in a voice that was indeed all remorse. "I forget that this isn't a part of everyone's everyday existence. You see, when a person gets injured enough to enter into a coma they _are_ very nearly dead. Part of them has literally passed on. _Most_ of them has. This, Forks, is where they pass to. That's why you are here now. For all intents and purposes, yes, Isabella, you are dead to the living world. Right now. The only thing keeping you from being completely dead to that world is the fact that you haven't chosen to leave or stay here yet. The difference is only reflected on that side of things. On our side it's all the same. Until you go back."

He spoke with finality _and_ hope, a contradiction that was as heavy as the dark clouds that were now shielding all of the light around our lakeside setting. I pulled the cardigan closed a bit to hold out the cold but mostly just to give my now shaking hands something to occupy themselves with.

"So I _can_ come out of the coma, no matter what, right? People wake from comas all of the time. Nothing's final?"

"Yes. You will be literally able to choose whether or not you wake up," Edward answered quietly without looking at me.

My mind was reeling.

I could go home. I wasn't stuck here. It was some sort of choice I had to make. Just like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, I too had the power to return to Kansas the whole time. The only thing that handicapped both of us from returning to our former existences was simply not having the knowledge of that power. But now I had it, much earlier than Dot did.

I wasn't sure if I really felt as stuck as I thought I should, though. Unlike Dorothy I didn't have an Auntie Em or a ensemble of misfit characters waiting for me when this dream was over. I didn't have a black and white world that made me content, that I realized was all I needed anyway. I had a russet and gold world that made me feel isolated and abandoned.

I wasn't sure clicking my heels was the appropriate choice.

I wasn't sure I was still sane for considering staying dead.

"The man that hit me, he's here too?" I asked, suddenly curious about the possibility of running into the man that killed me.

"No, he died instantly, as I said. That results in a different outcome. No choice."

Edward shook his head once and glanced at me quickly, as if he were afraid of my eyes.

"Where is he then?"

"I'm not entirely sure. Carlisle tells me it's different for everyone. I'm confined to Forks. I will never know what's after this."

"Why do I get a choice, and not him?"

"You're not done existing yet, I suppose. Whether it be in this world, or the living one, you simply aren't finished. Some, like James who ran his car into yours, just are."

I felt a tad more calm than before. Talking logistics seemed to be helpful for my pulse. Maybe it was just the sound of Edward's voice that falsely soothed me. Whatever it was, it was forcing me to proceed with thoughts and not get stuck on the fact that I was becoming an insider on the afterlife.

"It's like a fate thing, then?" I questioned, working out my own reasoning as best I could.

"That's a good way of putting it."

He sounded thoughtful. I spent the next full minute just staring at his still profile, memorizing the curve of his jaw and the perfect smoothness of his eyelids. The more I studied him the more I felt like the choice to live was more of a burden than a freedom. My old life did not involve this consuming boy. My old life was the knee jerk reaction choice, the thing you think you want when living is all you've ever known. It just didn't seem like this choice would be as easy for me as it might have been for some normal person who hadn't been praying for a purpose or adventure before she died.

"What's my motivation to stay here? Why would anyone choose this over going back to living?" I asked, sort of just to get Edward's point of view on everything.

"You dislike Forks?" he asked pointedly, turning to me and staying that way this time, not running his eyes back to the water and his quiet solitude. Something in me told me he wasn't just speaking about the trees and the water, but rather the company of Forks.

Silly, scared boy. Afraid to speak what you really want to know.

"It's a matter of being dead or alive, Edward. My preference for _Forks_ has nothing to do with it."

"Are you really so eager to rushing back to your lonley existence in the living world? Is that _so_ much better than being here with me?" he spat, showing me the truth of his former question.

His intensity surprised me.

"I think it's presumptuous to assume my entire choice would revolve around my preference for _you."_

"You know nothing of what your choice will revolve around. It will be nearly wholly about me, Isabella. To assume otherwise means there's no choice to be made. It means you don't belong here."

His voice was as cold as the wind, and I fought to understand how he could be so offended over a simple girl like me having the possibility of returning to life outside of Forks. If he existed here entirely, if this was his reality, then he must get numerous chances with other beautiful, tragic women that end up in Forks, forced to make this choice as well. There wasn't any reason for me to be the one female that he can't imagine leaving him.

Unless there was more to my being here than he would, or could tell me.

"There's something more to my choice, isn't there? Something to do with you. We're connected somehow, aren't we?" I asked quietly as the realization struck.

"Clearly."

His answer was short and tight. He was upset and holding back from me. Acting like a child. Making me work for more information because his feelings had somehow gotten hurt in all of this business about_ my_ destiny in life and death.

"Edward, you have to give me the details if this is important for both of us. If it comes down to my choice, then knowing everything is my right."

"I can't. It's too soon. This cannot be a rash decision on your part. Your choice has to be made with you still partially in the dark."

I was at a loss and his tone was growing tired.

"But I don't know what I'd be staying for," I tried.

"I'm not equipped to provide that information for you."

"I think you are," I countered with conviction.

He chuckled darkly and shook his head towards the shadowy water. Heavy, freezing winds blew strands of his auburn hair back and forth in chaos. I didn't even feel the cold anymore. I assume my skin had grown numb and taken a back seat to the burning understanding my heart desired.

"Yes, I could easily list reasons for you to chose _Forks_. But I'm not supposed to interfere in that area of your decision," he amended with a small shrug.

"Why not?"

"It's not my place."

"But I trust you. It's blind and probably stupid, but it's there. I want your opinions," I spoke truthfully, baring my odd honest thoughts and feelings to him.

"I want you to trust me," he sighed. "I want you to be... close to me." I watched him intently as he picked at a spot on the wood beneath our sitting forms. Then I studied his chest as it rose and fell one heavy time. "And for that reason I want even less to interfere in your decision."

"Why does your wanting to be close to me make you feel less inclined to help me?" I asked desperately.

"Honestly?" he asked, finally ignoring the wood and the water and turning his eyes and chest and attention and overwhelming essence to me.

"Of course honestly," I whispered.

"Becuase if I were you, Isabella. If it were my choice... I wouldn't stay for me."

His mossy eyes backed up his words, the sincerity and ache in them reflecting how he truly felt but begrudgingly admitted to me. The only thing I really wanted to do in that moment was save Edward Cullen.

I was not able to, though. Not in _that_ moment.

So instead I just sat there and let his sad eyes stare into me. My only hope was that his exploration of my expression would lead him to the small voice inside of me that was considering that we might just disagree entirely on what we'd do if we were me.

I wanted to reach for his lonely, white hand but before I could make any sort of move a tiny dark figure appeared on the dock behind us, carefully clearing her throat.

"Edward, Carlisle needs to see you. Both of you. Now."

* * *

**Thank you for continuing, despite the deliberate confusion :) You are all too great to me already. **

**This is a fun adventure for me. I'm pleased to have a few others along for the ride as well. **

**Send me your thoughts. I do love them so.**

**-Car**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**_"Wouldn't it be grand? It ain't exacly what you planned._**

**_And wouldn't it be great if we were dead?"_**

**_- "Dead!" My Chemical R__omance_**

We both pushed ourselves up from the dock silently, with Edward staring at me strangely. I couldn't decipher the look in his eye, however, it was anything but playful. Perhaps I saw a shadow of worry there. It was something very serious and defining, matching the way Alice was watching us proceed the 6 or so feet we moved toward her.

She smiled kindly at me, but it seemed to be tighter and more forced than the ones I'd seen brighten her features before.

"You're cold," she said, handing me the black coat I'd admired in my closet.

I nodded and my face scrunched in confusion until the second hit where I remembered that peculiar things happened here. Like Edward answering my thoughts and Alice knowing when she needed to break into my closet and bring me a coat.

Edward's hand was the one reached out first and took the jacket from her, not mine. He held it out and pushed the thick fabric up my arms, not me. Then his hands lingered at the base of my neck and gently pulled my hair out from underneath the back of the coat. The warmth of the garment was satisfying but the knot in my stomach kept a feeling of cold engulfing my insides. I didn't feel good about the way Edward spoke so harshly and sadly about my choice and it's involvement with him.

I felt so far away from him suddenly. And I just really wanted to be close.

Alice turned and started walking down the dock, leading us back the way we came through the canopy of thick trees, towards the dirt path we'd started on. I dropped my gaze to the wooden boards below my feet and started my good sense's fight against my eyes' natural pull towards drifting up to watch Edward walk the whole way back.

After my frist step fell to the ground another form of warmth hit my shoulders. Despite the added pressure I shivered.

"Can I be close to you as we walk back? Carlisle is going to take a good portion of my time repremanding me for my behaviour with you thus far, I'm afraid. I won't be with you for an extended period of time once we reach the house."

He was whispering in my ear, and somewhat chuckling at his prediction of Carlisle's reprimand. The action found him leaning in closer to me than may have been necessary, closer even than when he had me trapped against the wall in my bedroom. I could feel his breath brushing against my skin. It was creating a sensation I labeled minty green and dark blue because it was cold against the area it hit and made me want to get lost in the ocean of his voice.

"Have you done something wrong?" I asked, hinting at a smile and trying to pull in some of the minty green for the rest of my senses.

When I turned my head to whisper back to him I brought us nose to nose. If he was as startled as I was about the way the air both stilled and crackled around our connected presence then his eyes didn't show it. Only delight light up his face, I'm assuming due to my light teasing despite the seriousness we'd entered into in our previous conversation.

My eyes must have grown wide and the curve of my mouth must have hinted at wonderful, nervous discomfort, because he ignored my teasing completely and devilishly leaned in closer and whispered once again.

"My closeness, Isabella? Does it bother you?" he pressed, smiling a crooked thing that wasn't a color at all, just a device to twist my insides.

I shook my head, done jesting and chosing honesty.

He nodded once and slowly took his eyes away from mine, turning them towards Alice's back as his arm tightened around me and brought me flush against his side.

I moved my left arm from in between our bodies and secured it tightly around his waist, shaking the entire time. Not with cold but with aniticipation of holding him. It was odd, but I was finding that every time I granted a part of my body permission to explore him, even in a tiny, innocent way, it seemed to release pent up excitement in the form of shakes. As if my entire life_ this_ is what my skin had been lying in wait to do. Be close to his.

He sighed contently and began humming a tune I sort of recognized form before when he had the harmonica out. I blinked carelessly as we walked side by side, enjoying the colors of the trees and the way Alice's steps looked more like an elegant dance.

She turned back towards us at one point and smiled a real Alice smile, then asked me if I wanted to play a game. In such a happy state of closeness to Edward I had no choice but to agree. We spent the rest of the walk through the woods with Alice calling out a color and me responding with anything that color made me think of.

Every so often she would ask, "Edward?" after I answered and he would distractedly respond, usually with an answer that made both Alice and I laugh for one reason or another.

Bright yellow made me think of Renee, and her sunflowers, while Edward apparently thought of a child's first laugh.

To peach I aswered, "the sky just before the sun had disappeared". Edward said strawberries.

Dark blue almost dangerously revealed my secret color filled feelings towards his breath on my skin, because I responded honestly with, "whispers". Edward's answer was, "skin", which made me uneasy in an exciting way, and gave me cause to keep my eyes diverted from his even when his fingers gingerly played with the hair falling just over my ear.

The time passed quickly and soon the game was over when an opening in the trees broke before us. I noted that, though we'd covered fourteen or so colors, Alice had avoided green, brown, black, and white. I found it odd because most of the other basic colors had been allowed to play along with us. Perhaps she had been intentional about her avoidances. Maybe she, just and I, knew all of them would have required one asnwer from me, and seeing as how that answer's arm was hugging me to his body it was probably better we'd never gotten around to them.

It took me a second to realize that we'd come out of the forest in a different location than Edward and I had gone in. I never noticed the turn we took on the dirt path that must have led us astray from the opening near my small one-bedroom home, but that wasn't surprising since the dirt path did hold many turns and choices.

We walked through the opening of the woods and started walking towards a very large white house, the only thing in the space the trees had opened up to. It was the largest house I'd ever seen, grander than anything I'd imagined a house to be, but far too inviting to be called mansion. It was one big entity and four different fractions of building all at once. Each fourth of the house that appeared to be it's own design also seemed entirely connected to the rest, forcing the parts of the house into a family resemblence of sorts. It was the way Alice, Edward and Emmett seemed to emmulate each other, though each were also disticntly different. The structure was divine and I knew at once this was a place that was made to hold the beauty of the two I traveled with, plus whomever they held company with as a family.

"Welcome to Cullen Manor," Alice beamed at me proudly, falling back into step with Edward and I as she linked her arm through the one I still had to myself.

Her and Edward chuckled at her over-dramatic presentation of the house, and I smiled along with them as I felt Edward's hand lift from my shoulder and shove Alice's playfully for being so silly.

"It's beautiful."

"The _outside_ of it is quite remarkable, isn't it?" Edward said through a laugh as we stepped, all three together, up the 4 stairs leading to the front door.

Alice reached behind me and swatted the back of his head, forcing more laughter out of him.

"What's so funny?" I asked, looking up to him.

"Edward's got a few qualms about the inside of the house," Alice responded in a low tone.

She opened the door, revealing a remarkable entryway the broke off on either side into even more remarkable rooms, all of which consisted of polished hard wood floors, tall, cream colored walls, and high, dome ceilings.

And that's all.

"Why is it so empty?" I asked in a breath, stunned.

Neither of them responded to me, but it's quite possible I never said the words out loud, seeing as how Edward was pulling the coat from my body and had run his fingers all the way down my arms to the tips of my own when he slid it off.

Alice started walking down a hallway that was also fairly bare. There was some sort of potted plant at the beginning of it, but the walls were long and blank.

Edward pulled me with him by sliding his arm back around me, and we walked sluggishly behind Alice's receeding form. I could sense that we would be parting ways soon, and my slowness fell into step with his, as if this was the last we would have of each other. It wouldn't be, I knew that, but it wouldn't become clear to me until later the reason for our hesitation at leaving each other's side.

We traveled into the back of the house, passing a kitchen and a living room and many doors that probably revealed more extravagant, nearly empty spaces along the way.

When we came to a pair of dark wooden doors we paused. Alice turned to Edward with an expectant look.

"Are you going to introduce her to Jasper and Rose?" he asked Alice quietly as his hand worked small circles on top of my shoulder where it was still resting.

"Of course. They're both dying to meet her."

They shared a small smirk between them.

"You use the term 'both' rather loosely, don't you think?" Edward asked, sounding amused.

"Rosalie's interested, Edward. Sure, she wasn't counting down the days like I was, but she's got a lot to find in Bella, too."

"Rosalie's not happy I'm here?" I asked her, feeling a bit hurt.

"It's not that," Alice sighed. "She just doesn't understand you yet."

"She doesn't know me yet."

"Exactly."

I stared at Alice for a long moment, stuck in confusion. Edward began laughing and his shaking form moving next to mine distracted me from trying to understand the small exchange Alice and I had just had.

"For someone who knows he's about to get reprimanded you're awfully happy," I snapped at him.

He brought his smile around to me and shrugged.

"Carlisle's been reprimanding me for ages. We wouldn't know how to speak to each other if I weren't doing something he needed to correct me on."

Alice began laughing with him and I couldn't help thinking that I would probably like Carlisle a lot whenever I got to meet him.

Edward's arm tightened around me for a moment and before I could entirely enjoy the sensation it was dropping back to his side. I pulled my own from around his waist with a sad smile.

"I'll come find you once this is over," he breathed as he leaned in close to me and barely touched our noses together. The electric mint and deep blue surrouded my senses once again and I nodded because I was basically incapable of doing anything else.

He pulled back quickly and sighed. With a nod to Alice he opened one of the large wooden doors and slipped inside the room beyond.

"Finally!" Alice cheered quietly as she grabbed my hand and began to pull me down another barren, grand hallway.

"Where are we going?" I asked unsteadily.

"Just upstairs."

"Are the others up there?"

I felt nervouse. I was quite excited to be around truth telling, fun loving Emmett again. But the ideas of Jasper and Rosalie were a bit unnerving. I didn't know much about them. Only some odd comment from earlier about Jasper's feelings towards living with Edward and I, and the small, odd conversation about Rosalie not being thrilled about my presence in Forks.

"Yep. They've been waiting ever since I left to interrupt you're fun little chat by the river. No one wants to miss out on the chance to tell you everything Edward is too uptight to!"

**-*-*-*-**

Thunder clapped outside. All five of our heads turned towards the window. Mine was the only one that remained turned after the initial second passed. I felt the others loose interest in the loud weather quickly, but I studied the dark gray sky with wonder, thinking that despite it's dark gloom it still looked beautiful pressed down into the deep green of the trees. There was no rain as of yet, but the threat may have been looming, judging by the herd of clouds that had gathered.

"The weather here," I said slowly as I turned my head back towards the others in the room, "it can never make up it's mind, can it?"

The small smile in my voice was matched by small smiles on the beautiful faces surrounding me.

"You have no idea," Rosalie murmured in a deep, angelic tone.

Emmett, Jasper, and Alice chuckled quietly under their breath. I smiled to be polite, but honestly had no idea where any sort of joke had been placed in the past few moments.

Meeting Rosalie and Jasper had not been scary at all.

Jasper was about as tall as Edward, perhaps just the same height in fact, and was made up of lean limbs and unkempt hair, also just as Edward. Their differences were obvious, though. Jasper had honey blonde hair that twisted, as opposed to Edward's mess of bronze that stood either straight up or at odd diagonal angles. Jasper's build was a bit more filled out than Edward's. Rather than muscle or fat, though, the difference in that detail between them seemed to be filled in by age and/or experience. Jasper was young as well, but definitely an older being than Edward.

He had a sincere smile and kissed my hand when he met me, saying, "pleased to meet you," with a wink and a southern accent that pushed my heart into a warm place it'd never been before. After his sweet greeting with me he wrapped Alice into his arms very securely and did nothing but stare into her eyes and smile. That was perhaps the most intimate moment I'd ever witnessed, and in it I saw that they were each other's. Not in a possessive or unhealthy way. In a real, honest, unbreakable way that most people long for but are too complicated to find.

Rosalie was a goddess. And I'm not being dramatic, or over exaggerated in my assessment of her. She just _is_. She has a radiancy about her that is undeniable. Her hair was long, blonde, and full. Her features were the epitome of feminine strength and softness, all in one. Her body was curved in the right places, flat in the appropraite spances, and moved with a grace that was slower and more alluring than Alice's playfull elegance. In the moment I met Rosalie I became one hundred percent certain that the beauty of a woman could start a war. I'd always thought Helen of Troy to be a completely unimaginable being. That particular myth had always escaped my acceptance of truth. The circumstance of one woman's appeal throwing nations into chaos wasn't real to me, ever. I became a believer. Men would die for the beauty that was sitting peacefully next to Emmett, not 3 feet from where I was sitting myself.

The only thing that did alarm me about both of them was their eyes.

Rosalie's were a deep, deep purple. It looked royal. Jasper's were blue. Bluer than blue. A pure form of the color that pierced you and definitely never existed on any of the humans I'd encountered during my time alive. I did my best not to mention or show my alarm at the vibrant colors. I took a few secret glances at Emmett and Alice's eyes, to check if I had missed interesting colors in either of them when we met earlier all because I was probably too distracted by the brillaince of Edward.

Emmett's eyes (that I'd previously mistaken for normal, light borwn) were actually a honey-golden brown, and only now did I see how intricate the brown really was, dancing with tiny flecs of gold and russet and caramel. Alice's were grey, a dark grey, which was odd since I disntincly remembered them being a bold hazel before.

None of it really mattered, I suppose, it was just very ineteresting, perhaps something to ask about later, after more important questions were answered. It mostly just highlighted the fact that my eyes were still normal, flat brown. I'd never really disliked them, but now it was even more evident how unoriginal they were.

I came to the conclusion that you had to be magnificently attractive in order to stay in Forks, if these were my examples of permanent residents here. Perhaps I didn't have a choice after all. I had yet to meet Carlisle, but I was starting to assume that he was on par with the rest of the Cullens, and I simply couldn't fit in with all of the exquisitness around me.

We'd spent the first fifteen or so minutes discussing nothing of importance, just recapping what Alice and Emmett knew of my "visit" to Forks thus far. Rosalie said very few words to me and stared at me in a dark way. It wasn't threatening or hostile, no. Simply dark, assessing purple. Jasper asked many questions about Edward's reactions, all of which Alice or Emmett answered with a scoff or a laugh, as if their brother's emotions were an inside joke to everyone outside of me.

The clap of thunder is what broke that conversation. Leaving room for the start of another.

"Do Edward and Carlisle's talks usually take long?" I asked the group.

"Depends on what they're going on about," Emmett replied lazily. "This one's probably about you, so it'll most likely be a doozie."

He laughed a bit at himself. The others all smirked. I decided to press forward. Alice said this would be my chance to talk about things Edward wouldn't. I wanted to take my chance and run with it, as far as I would be allowed.

"Why do they have to talk about me? Because I'm linked with Edward?" I asked, hoping for cooperation.

"Did he tell you that you were linked?" Jasper asked with honest curiosity.

"Sort of. He didn't explain it to me at all. He kind of got on edge when the subject came up. Is it true? What does it mean?" I began to grow frantic, letting the fact that none of them had shot down my question over excite me.

"Yes, you're linked," Alice replied easily. "We're not sure of details, though. Well, _we_ aren't, at least," she sighed as she waved a hand around the room. "Who knows the full details Carlisle and Edward have. In general we have no secrets from each other as a family, it's near impossible, but Edward's pulled Carlisle further into the mystery of the two of you than any of us care to know about, honestly."

I nodded to that, deciding to drop it. I was starting to get a feel of what information I could get, and when to stop forging down a path of conversation that would get me no where.

"Are you all... dead, too?" I asked out of nowhere, feeling content on the other topic for now and hoping that this wasn't rude of me to be asking.

"Yes," Alice answered again, simply.

"No comas?" I sarcastically threw out, throwing a suspicious eye around the room that made them all laugh in some small form.

"No, kid. We're the real deal, here," Emmett told me with a proud nod of his head. As if being officially dead were better.

"Then why are you still here? Is it because you all made the choice to stay, just like I might?" I hedged carefully, feeling like if I had more of their stories mine would be easier to figure out.

"Not all of us actually made the choice directly, no," Jasper said softly. "I did. Emmett, as well."

"Alice?" I asked after nodding in acceptance of his information.

"I guess I did, but I don't remember it."

"Why?"

"It's a very long story, Bella. One I'm not really in a somber enough mood to tell tonight."

She smiled apologetically and I nodded, having no choice but to accept that answer. I believed that she would tell me eventually, and I couldn't find it in myself to push for answers. We were dealing with people's deaths. It felt like an extremely personal subject.

"Rosalie?" I asked quietly, turning my head to the still, lovely creature sitting with Emmett.

"I _had _to choose to stay," she replied firmly after a hard moment's pause. "Though I was somewhat reluctant."

I imagined there had to be a story behind that one as well, but I wouldn't dream of pressing Rosalie for information. She didn't extensively make me uneasy, but I wasn't reveiving warm fuzzy vibes from her either. Yet. Alice's earlier confusing words about mine and Rosalie's relationship replayed in my head, giving me hope about her for reasons I didn't know.

"I suppose I'll have to ask Edward his reasons for choosing to stay here," I said very nearly to myself, very much convinced that this was the case.

"Edward's here because Carlisle chose for him to be here," Alice revealed freely, surprising me.

"Edward isn't here by choice?" I asked, baffled. "He's forced to be here?"

"Of course not! No, no. Carlisle would never force anybody to do anythign. And, damn, the boy would be even harder to deal with if that were the case," Emmett laughed.

"Forks was made for Edward," Alice began to explain. "He didn't exacly choose to stay like the rest of us, but if he ceases to be here, then so will it."

"I don't understand..."

"Forks and Edward are unexplicably tied together. He is, putting it simply and stripping it down to it's most basic terms, in charge," Jasper's thick voice explained to me. "He's sort of our great commander in chief, if you will."

Ok. Edward being in charge was odd; up until now I was under the impression that Carlisle was above everyone else. The father figure, the patriarch... but I could at least get a handle on that subject. I could revisit it at a later time and eventually accept that the impish man-child I found sitting on my dresser not so long ago was the leader of Forks.

What sat in my mind, spread around like puzzle pieces that weren't meant to fit together, was the information about Edward and Forks being tied together. A palce and a person: bound. It was beyond my normal comprehension.

"Edward and Forks are conencted?" I dumby asked with a quizzicle expression and questioning eyes.

"Yes, Bella. So much so that if he was not here, neither could it be."

I stared at Alice, taking in her words for the second time but still not digesting them all the way.

"How?" was my new brilliant response. I wasn't even sure that it was a relevant question, but Emmett opened his mouth to answer so I didn't retract.

His big hand lifted from Rosalie's shoulder and pointed to the large window. I refocused on the dark sky and the angry clouds. No more claps of thunder had sounded, but the gloom was still hovering.

"Eddie's brooding, as usual," he told me in a voice similar to that of a parent lecturing a child. "See the clouds? That's why they're there. He's upset. It's not very unusual, honestly. Forks is probably the most cloud covered place in existence. He's not always a moody punk, don't get me wrong, but his and Carlisle's talks typically don't happen on the suniest of days."

He laughed at himself and dropped his hand. Everyone was watching me closely and waiting for me to realize what I _just did_ about Edward's emotions being related to the weather in Forks-

"Holy crow, his emotions are tied to the weather!" I gasped, throwing a hand partially over my mouth, partially dramatically.

"Correction: his emotions _are_ the weather," a bored tone of Rosalie's amended me.

I glanced back outside, back into the swirling fog and dark sky. Before I could contain it I felt it creeping up in me.

A complete sadness of my own, directly related to the way the weather reflected Edward to be feeling at this very moment. Clouds and thunder coudln't be good. I wanted to go to him, run down the stairs and through the ornate wooden doords that conealed him and this Carlilse I had yet to meet who was undoubtedly upsetting him.

I felt like I was trying to push my feelings through the thick wooden floor, when suddenly everything in me became drenched in an alarming orange need to fix him.

"Calm down, darlin', this isn't a big deal," I registered Jasper saying as my eyes opened and I found myself slowing my breaths. I felt his hand was on my shoulder and only then did I realize that he'd moved from his spot next to Alice and was now kneeling beside me, very close, with a comforting smile.

I dind't remember him moving to my side. He probably did it in a split second though, since I knew Alice and Edward had both moved at that type of unreal speed before in my presence.

"I don't know what just happened," I explained to him alone, for some reason feeling connected and comforted and in a strange way accepted by him. The giant urge to help Edward had taken over me and apparently thrown me into some form of acute hyperventalation. When I briefly glanced outside the realm of Jasper's supportive face I saw amusement on Emmett's face, awe in Alice's grey, swirling eyes, and masked astonishment in the purple iris' of Rosalie.

"You just needed to calm down," Jasper drawled slowly with his rich hint of souther twang. I found that his presence next to me was calming me down and I focused on that for a few moments.

"At least I understand why the weather changes are so peculiar around here," I finally found my voice enough to say.

"I was wondering when you would notice that," Alice commented.

"Does it happen often? He seems so volatile," I couldn't help but ask and observe out loud.

"You get used to it. It's usually a consistent cloud cover. Though I'm sure with you around we'll get a crap load of surprises."

Emmett beamed at me, as if my effect on Edward and his weather changing moods was something to look forward to. Rosalie rolled her eyes and Alice actually clapped her hands a little bit.

"Why? Well, I guess I mean... _how_ does this exist?" I asked them all, searching for the right way to phrase the confusion I felt.

"It's his world, Bella. It was formed around him, for him... so it's _his_." Alice sighed when my still unclear expression settled on her. "I don't know how else to explain it," she said apologetically.

"I'd ask Carlisle, Bella," Jasper suggested as he stood up and moved back to his place next to Alice.

"Good call, bro. He created the whole deal. He'll know the ins and outs more than any of us."

I sat in silence and thought for a few moments, though it did no good. My thinking went in cirlcles, the colors of my thoughts were muddy and mixed up. I would have to have a conversation with Carlisle about it. Because if Edward was tied to Forks, and I was somehow tied to Edward, Forks could potentially be a part of me, too.

"Edward said something earlier when he was telling me briefly about all of you. He said you were his family. Clearly this wasn't the case before you all came to here. I mean, you all seem to have come at different times. Under different circumstances. How does that work?"

"Our time before Forks doesn't matter. Edward's statement is true. We are a family in every sense of the word," Alice answered.

"Everybody's time before Forks does matter, actually," Rosalie interjected, directing the purple gaze to Alice. "I mean, why the hell would I have stayed here if nothing there mattered?"

"You aren't here to pay dues, though, Rose," Alice replied in a voice that sounded like it was tired of having this conversation. "You have a family and a purpose here. Not a price to pay to the world."

Tension grew between them, but it wasn't hostile. It was like the tension in the threads of a rope when both ends are being pulled to desperately by what's on the opposite ends.

Emmett said Rosalie's name quietly and her gaze turned to him. I tore my own interest away from the two of them and back towards the window once their eyes connected, not wanting to intrude on whatever it was they needed to share in order to break whatever negative thoughts Rosalie very clearly had about her life. Or her past life. Her living life?

A lot of this was terribly confusing.

"Our family is made soley of people who choose to be in it, Bella. Nothing more or less complicated than that. It's simple and sort of beautiful that we've made the committment to each other."

"I see," I replied to Jasper as I turned my attention back from the window. "I also can't help but notice that you and Alice seem to be, um, together. Rose and Emmett as well... I mean, the four of you are very clearly couples. And Edward-"

"Is very clearly alone?"

I paused, allowing silence to settle after Alice completed my sentence.

"Or _was_ very clearly alone. Before me?" I eventually ventured quietly. Nervously. Hopefully.

Alice's responding gaze was solemn in a gentle, happy way. The grey in her eyes lit up completely. Her one look confirmed what I'd just assumed out loud.

My insides spiraled and danced at the prospect of Edward and I being linked in a way that made him "less alone". The amount of want and need I felt for him was unrealistic, but so was everything else about my current situation. I'd known him for an uncertain, but certainly short amount of time. And in that time he'd touched me a lot, always innocently, but always with a hint of something more, something that I wanted, something that I'd never felt but that might possibly just be _mine_.

"You're just as sharp as we'd thought you'd be," Emmett laughed, breaking the serious mood. "I really do hope you stick around."

"The choice wasn't hard for Emmett," Jasper explained, a little apologetically at his brother's blatant, easy enthusiasm about my own choice. "That's one of the reasons he and Edward hit it off in the odd way that they do, despite being near polar opposites. They were both up to the challenge of conquering the after life. And they both were eager to embrace it."

"Ha! Challenge? The only challenge I had was getting my Rosie to stop whining about missing New York. The rest has been a breeze. Honestly, Bella, if you're ready to be here then Forks is a blast. This serious business has it's place, but I assure you, we know how to have a good time."

His sincere smile was infectious, his golden brown eyes true. I wouldn't mind having them around me for the rest of eternity, bringing me joy and brotherly love.

Although one thought did trouble me.

"How big is Forks? Don't you feel kind of confined here?" I asked them all, realizing that living in one town for the rest of your existence could potentially be the worst thing ever.

"Well, it's not the largest area, if you measure by the average size of cities, that's true. But we aren't trapped here. Quite the opposite," Jasper replied.

"There are other places like Forks?"

"No, not that we know of. I meant the living world. We have the ability to spend time there, too."

I let that sink in for a quick second before I asked for more clarification.

"So...you can go back and forth?" I tried.

"Yep," Alice jumped in and replied with a satisfied smile.

"That doesn't seem like it should be possible. Or right. You made the choice to stay here after all. Why have a choice at all if you can simply jump back and forth?"

"Well there certainly are rules surrounding our abilities to re-enter the living world," Alice sighed as she responded, the smile fading from her face at the mention of rules. I almost smiled at her apparent distaste for anything that confined her. "We cannot be seen by more than one person per visit, should we choose to be seen by anyone at all. We cannot stay for extended periods of time. The limit is 24 waking hours. Normally, we pretty much only venture back to do the things we miss from before. Very rarely do we go out of real need or importance."

They all exchanged a look, their brilliant colored eyes sneaking glances that were meaningful to everyone but me. I decided to ignore it. If they wanted to keep secrets then I was helpless to it and could only hope that more would be revealed in time.

"What do you like to go back for?" I inquired instead. "What's out there that you don't have here?"

"Football games have gotten more extravagant than when I was a boy," Emmett announced with a smile.

"Shopping is my kryptonite," Alice admitted with a giggle.

"The feeling of a crowded bar. The smell of whiskey," Jasper offered in turn.

Out of need for pattern my head turned to Rosalie next, expecting a response from her as well. She lifted her left shoulder a fraction, as if her body's response to being openly assessed by a stranger was to lift, and to guard. The rest of her remained relaxed against Emmett, though. She almost smiled a full smile as she responded.

"I"ve only gone back once for myself. There's no sight quite like the lights in Times Square."

"Live music, also Bella. Edward goes back for that quite often," Alice said cheerfully before I could give any response to Rosalie.

"Among other things," Emmett saild lowly, under his breath, earning a supressed chuckle from Jasper and a swat in the chest from Rosalie.

I looked back and forth between all of them. Alice turned her attention back to me and spoke to me with a very serious, calm expression.

"Bella, you're the only person who can keep him from being alone again. But it can't be out of guilt or pity."

"Are we back on the suject of my choice?" I asked, surprised at the very swift change in subject and mood.

"Darlin', up until the very moment you make your choice the underlying theme of every minute you spend in Forks is related to that one topic."

Alice nodded at Jasper's comment, and continued addressing me herself, "Look, it's inevitable that your decision is going to be based a large part around Edward. And it's inevitable that you are going to learn a lot about Edward in a short amount of time while you're here. And he's... complicated. He's not unhappy. He's not a basketcase. But I think he's scared."

"Of me?"

"Of what you represent."

Things were getting heavy and I couldn't decide what question to ask next, or if I even really had any left to pick out of the pile I'd acquired. I needed some reflection time. I felt myself sigh and I pushed my hand through my hair, out of my face and away from my crowded mind.

It all fell back into place and I let out a large, calming breath. I looked up and found them all staring at me in varying degrees of interest.

"There's a lot to this decision, kid, that's all we're trying to get at today. Details about Eddie's tempraments can come later, yeah? In the end we're all just here to help. We know that it's hard to give up life."

"Thanks, Emmett. It is overwhelming, I know you all know that. I think I'm _just_ starting to understand the weight of it all. It's such a heavy choice to make."

"It is," Rosalie solemnly agreed with me. "You cannot make this sort of decision based on silly fantasies, Bella."

All I could do was nod at her perfect face and turn everything else inside, into myself. There was just so much to take in, and so much still to learn. I had a feeling a lot of it would need to be gathered from Edward and Carlisle, though.

Alice decided that it was time to show me the rest of the house, and everyone agreed. We all rose and started for the door. I paused as I crossed the window, and told them I would catch up in a minute. I felt rather entitled to grab a moment or two and dedicate them to settling my mind.

My hand raised to the cold glass and my eyes closed, shutting out the thick clouds overhead. I heard three sets of footsteps leave the room. The heaviest set stayed behind.

"What would you be giving up?" Emmett asked. The deep sound came from close to my right side, interrupting my attempt at sending happiness through the floor and into Edward's soul.

"By staying here?"

"Yeah. That's probably the most important question, you know? That's what I ask all of my the visitors I'm in charge of."

I turned and faced him, resting my hip against the cold glass.

"Well, in a sense it'd be a lot, because it's _life_. But I don't have a lot in terms of friends or family. Or posessions. Or achievements. But, I also didn't hate my life," I felt my brow furrow at the past tense in my words. "_Don't_ hate my life?" I reworded, basically asking Emmett.

"Yeah, it's still yours. You're just kinda taking a break from it right now," he replied with a smile.

"I wasn't unhappy before this," I continued, waving a hand towards the gloomy view of Forks. "I've lost both of my parents, yes, but I hardly knew my father so that wasn't an entirely large loss. And I've moved on from Renee's, my mother's, death. I figured out how to keep going pretty well. I wasn't miserable even though it was hard. She wouldn't have wanted me to be."

"But...?" Emmett asked, interrupting my memories and continuing with the conjunction the tone in my voice had clearly hinted towards.

"I've got this really nice life, and I'm still sort of sad all the time."

I sighed at my admittance and folded my arms, holding in my memories of loosing Renee. I _had_ moved on after her death and achieved a happiness. I just always, always missed her. My erratic, juevinile, fun-loving mother. And, truth be told, this sadness hadn't been lingering only after her death. I always found this sadness deep withing me, resting in the lower regions of my soul, ashen and mousy and somber. It was identical to Alice's interpretation of Edward. It wasn't that I could be called unhappy. I meant it when I said my that I had a nice life. My whole entire life had been nice. But there were many quiet, saddened moments scattered throughout all twenty years of it. Lingering and long and stealing my contentness.

"I think a lot of people can relate to that, honestly. I guess there's just a certain tragedy to being alive. But, you know what, kid? You're free now."

He stage whispered the last part, doing the full bit where he leaned in real close. He winked at me with a wicked golden glint in his eye.

A throat being cleared politely interrupted the smiles we were sharing, and stopped me from asking him to elaborate on his statment. We both turned our attention towards the door. A fraction of a second before my eyes met the dazzling green I felt it, the crimson and violet shots in the air reaching into me, and I met his gaze with a smile only he would recongnize, because (I didn't know it) but I'd been keeping it saved for him alone.

"Hey, you're done! That wasn't that bad, bro," Emmett laughed.

"Yes," Edward agreed, not taking his intense stare off of me to address his brother. "There was much less to discuss than expected. Now, if you don't mind, Emmett, I'm quite ready to have Bella back."

A shiver ran down my spine, silver mixed in with crimson and purple and excitement. Emmett chuckled and said, "of course," as he shuffled out the door, patting Edward roughly on the back with his large hand.

I walked slowly over to the door and the boy.

"I have to go on a tour of the house right now. Alice's idea."

Edward smirked and nodded knowingly. I expected him to shake his head, maybe even frown a bit and say something about not sharing me. Instead he turned back into the gentleman from the dock, catching me off guard with his silky movements.

"Then by all means," he replied smoothly, holding his arm out before him, ushering me out of the room.

As I passed by him his arm came around me again, solid and warm, and I settled back into his side naturally.

"I'm surprised you're ok with my attention being focused elsewhere," I voiced honestly after a few steps, still not understanding the ease in which he allowed Alice to dictate my time.

A low chuckle briefly escaped his lips. Then he leaned in, not quite as close and tempting as before, but close enough that I still felt the minty blue brush my skin.

"Well of course I am, silly girl. You go right ahead and focus on Alice's fun little tour. And we'll just see how long that lasts with me focusing on breaking that focus."

* * *

**I've taken longer than I intended getting this one out, but here it is :)**

**Send me your thoughts and rate your level of confusion. More will be cleared up in each chapter, promise. **

**Also, I promise A LOT of Edward in the next one. **

**I have to give a quick shout out MadeleineJade, my wonderful #1 on ff. She's always there when I need to vent about anything and everything, and I have to thank her publicly. We sort of started out first non-human fics together, so I feel like she's very much a part of my experience with the start of B2T. If you haven't read her stories, do it. They're fantastic.**

**Until next time...**

**LOVE YOUS **

**-Car**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**_"The end_**

**_And if your life won't wait then your heart can't take this"_**

**_- "Dead!" My Chemical R__omance_**

It's very hard to do much of anything when Edward Cullen is determined to distract you from doing it.

Alice was very happily ushering me around the giant building all of my newest acquaintances called home. And it was beautiful, that much I knew. Despite the emptiness of the main portion of the house there was a sense of togetherness thorughout the whole structure that I couldn't ignore.

I also couldn't ignore the way Edward's gentle fingers had found their way under my shirt and to the skin at the small of my back.

My blood ran red and electric yellow at his touch, right under the new spot he'd ventured to, and I jumped a little bit, unable to help my reaction.

Alice was currently walking us out of Emmett and Rosalie's room, detailing all of the ways in which the high vaulted ceilings created a different atmosphere than the dark wooden rafters in her and Jasper's elaborate bedroom.

Edward had proven true to his word during Alice's detailed tour of the two couples' living quarters. In Alice and Jasper's room where the tour had begun, he managed to walk utterly too close to me the entire time without tripping either of us. Their section of the house was made up of luxurious wooden structures and a rather "homey" feeling decore. Alice was saying something about the atmosphere being complimentary of Jasper's persona, I think. I can't honestly say what her exact words were because of the minty blue and violet distractions. His hands had traveled all along my back in Alice and Jasper's living quarters, and I could always feel his soft breath somewhere on my hair, or neck, or cheek. It was infuriating and challenging and magnificent.

Rosalie and Emmett's section of the tour hadn't been much better. As we entered their section of the giant house his hands began a more extensive search of my person, traveling around to the sides of my body in rather inconspicuous moments and ways. Once, when Alice was turned around pointing towards the green and cobalt view from the window in the bedroom, he leaned his body into mine and whispered, "We're touring my quarter of the house alone," very distinctly emphasizing the last word as his forefinger made it's first dip under the fabric of the bottom of my shirt. The mint of his mouth seemed to manipulate the air and move my head for me, making it nod in eager conscent.

As we exited the black and ruby room of Rosalie and Emmett's I reached behind me, extracting Edward's hand from my skin. It was causing me to shake in nervousness, or anticipation, or some other foreign electric feeling and it needed to stop if we were going to be spending more time with the others.

His face fell instantly, which I registered but tried to ignore.

When I dropped his hand back at his own side he turned downright dark, turning to Alice and cutting her off midsentence.

"We're back in the main part of the house now, which is Carlisle's and is mostly empty, as-"

"Thank you very much, Alice. I do believe Bella and I will tour my section of the house now. Privately."

I was pulled along behind him before I had a choice in the matter, giggling and shooting Alice and apologetic look. I could tell she was trying to look offended, as if that's what she needed to be doing, but a smile broke instead. Right after we rounded a corner at the end of the hallway her feminine voice yelled, "Edward, be careful!"

The only response he gave her was a low chuckle.

We walked swiftly thorugh the barren hallways of Carlisle's lonley section of the house. I had yet to meet the infamous Carlisle Cullen and he was starting to haunt my mind. He was the one who gave Edward Foks. The one who this odd puzzle of a family was pieced together around, yet the structures that represented his home were the center of nothing but dense air.

I concentrated on that for the few moments Edward's hand was firmly clasped around mine, burning it's colors into my skin. It was easy to take in the long empty walls and the way the shine from the sconces on the wall didn't look as alive as it should have on the glossy wooden floor.

Suddenly Edward turned us down a short hallway I hadn't been in yet. It wasn't too long and matched the desolate decore of the rest of Carlilse's quarters.

A massive, dark wooden door was at the end of the hallway, marking what I now recognized as the staple entry-way to the other arms of the big house.

Edward pulled me through the doorway effortlessly and reached around me to close the door loudly behind us.

Before I could move, or think, or even breathe one second of the new room into my being he was surrounding me, pushing his body against mine. Pinning me to the door in an urgent pressing of his body.

"Do you know how crazy you make me?" he asked in a voice I hadn't heard yet. It was tinted with want and restraint while still distinctly being smooth.

He caught me extremely by surprise with this whole maneuver, though I wasn't convinced he wasn't slightly in shock at his actions himself. His hands were flat against the wood on either side of me and I could see his forearms shaking slightly.

_Why me?_ my mind yelled into every part of me, making me wonder at nothing about Forks except for the reason in which I was here with this mysterious, rash, near-stranger boy and why we had such strong reactions to each other.

"I don't know, I don't know," he murmured into my hair as his heavy breaths of mint and sea muddled my mind, pulling my own breaths out long and hard with his.

"You heard me again," I whispered to him, somehow thinking I should keep my concern about that below whatever lust-filled thing was trying to force us to attack each other.

He nodded and sucked in a deep breath through his nose, seemingly putting an effort into calming himself.

"Edward, my toes hurt," I whispered again.

The way in which I'd been trapped against the door had left me no room for the entirety of my feet to be on the ground. My back was firmly flat against the dark wood, my palms following suit. My heels were pushed up against the door as well, pulsing into the soles of the black flats I'd chosen earlier in the day, though I coudln't tell you exactly how long ago that'd been. It felt like forever, also like just a second before. I couldn't get a grip on time here, with all of this going on.

But it didn't matter. It would turn out to be a matter of time that didn't matter at all.

"I'm sorry," he whispered back, moving away only exactly as much as he needed to for my feet to return comfortably flat to the ground. He still surrounded me wholly but his breathing seemed to be less sporatic, though still heavy.

"Um, don't worry about it."

I was about to ask him what was going on but his hands started moving. Slowly, they slid down the door, curving inwards when they got to the level of my hips. All I could do was stare at the black t-shirt covering his chest and count the breaths it took until his long fingers found my skin again.

"Is this ok?" he asked carefully, threading in more restraint than before when he spoke.

I nodded and he sighed.

He didn't move again until about fifteen full seconds later, when his head lifted from the forest of my hair and into the space in front of my own.

I was stuck there, still virtually pinned to the door, watching his eyes find mine again. I wasn't sure what was going on.

How could I be?

So far Edward had been all over the place; ranging from playfull boy, to over-intense man, to maybe even the ruler of an entire afterlife city. This was just another turn in him that I hadn't seen coming. The uncontrolled physically driven turn that I couldn't help but be scared of and enthralled by at the same time.

I felt like I belonged there, under his hands, under his command, waiting to see what he would do next.

"Oh hell," he muttered under his breath. If he hadn't been only three inches from my face I probably wouldn't have heard the curse drop from his lips, deepest black and frustrated.

"What?" I asked in a breath as well.

He dropped his gaze from me and began drumming his fingers along my skin, fluttering the fabric of my tank top over them.

"You can't keep thinking things like that," he said to our feet with a hint of his smile's devil dancing in his tone.

"Sorry."

He looked up at me, turning his eyes up without moving his head.

"Don't be."

Green burned through his dark lashes and the image of him looking up like that, rid of the restraint he'd been speaking with before, made me feel desperate for... him, I guess.

"Edward, what's going on?" I asked in more than a whisper but less than a voice.

"With us?"

"Yes."

"I'm not sure."

"Okay..."

He sighed heavily and stood up straight, still not moving his hands from my hips but taking his body away from mine just a little bit.

I hated it. It had been warm, and secure, and I almost pulled him back to me. The only thing stopping me was the fact that this was all so horribly confusing and fast and not normal.

"I'm sorry I don't have more answers for you, Isabella. I normally do, even if I don't offer them freely."

He paused and chuckled at himself, reminding me that he had quite the power trip sometimes.

"When it comes to you and I, though... I'm afraid I'm almost as in the dark as you are. We were prepared for you, but not for _this_. For this intensity."

"What do you mean 'we' weren't prepared?" I asked, looking up to meet his gaze.

"Carlisle. He knows a lot about, well, everything, and I thought that maybe he'd be more aware of what was going on between us. What with the pull you have on me and the way I can _hear_ you. Alice didn't see any of that, at least not as strong. Of course she couldn't see much because things about your life just kept changing-"

I cut him off by tugging on his t-shirt. He stopped abruptly and his eyes fell to my hand clutching his clothing before they met my eyes.

"You're rambling," I accused, amused at his composed nature being compromised.

"No, silly girl, I'm only thinking out loud. You're just not fortunate enough to know all that I am talking about, making it confusing to you."

"Then tell me."

He stared at me for a hard second and I felt that he wanted me to understand that he still wasn't going to be able to answer everything.

"Tell me as much as you can," I begged, pulling a little on his shirt again.

His head fell towards mine an inch or so, and the crackling that the air between us liked to do came to life again, adding in bright yellow with the now familiar pink and purple and redish hues I felt it to be.

"What do you want to know?" he asked quietly, calmly.

"Does Carlisle know that it gets this intense between us?"

"I've told him, yes. That sometimes I feel like I can't control myself. Like right now."

As if he turned on a flame in his skin, his hands burned again, pleasantly, as his fingers slid around towards my back and a bit more of his palms took over a bit more of my skin.

"It's not normal."

He laughed at me, almost sweetly, moving his head further into the space of my own.

"_Forks_ isn't normal. That's not surprising."

Right. They weren't normal here. _We_ weren't normal here. I suppose the rules of regular life didn't have to apply when you weren't technically living.

"What did he say about it?"

"He said not to worry about it."

I could feel his breath on my face as it fanned again across my senses, trying to distract me from the misplaced nonchalance he was speaking with.

"Really?" I asked in disbelief. Up until this point neither Carlisle nor Edward came off as "not worrying about it" types.

"Actually, he said to explore it. Which is why I couldn't wait to get you here. In private."

_Ok_.

If I wasn't overwhelmed before, I was now.

I swallowed hard and opened my mouth to speak, though nothing came out.

"You're heart rate just raised," he said smugly.

I looked up into his eyes that were so _so_ close to mine and glared as best I could. Yes, this was fantastic and frightening. No, that did not entitle him to all of the power.

Something in me snapped and suddenly it was I pushing him back back back into the wall on the other side of the small hallway.

It'd only been about five or so steps and the seconds it took for our bodies to get there barely registered but the distance that this small move of mine had traveled our relationship was signifigant.

"Holy crap," he so eloquently sighed, looking as shocked as my body felt.

"He said to explore it?" I asked urgently, dropping my hands from being scrunched in his shirt to the flat planes of his hips.

I was now mirroring his grip on me, though his was noteably stronger.

"Yes."

"What, like have sex?" I asked, frantic and scared and spouting off extremes, feeling so much like the silly little girl he'd often accused me of being.

"What? No, never!" his voice grew loud and his eyes grew wide.

"_Never_?"

I'm not sure why this offended me so much, the idea that we'd never have sex when just seconds before our insane, dangerous sexual attraction is what I'd been so afraid of.

The truth is that I was starting to realize what true lust was, and how powerful it's pull is when you aren't just physically attracted to another person, but rather unexplicably emotionally and otherwordly entirely attracted to them on top of it.

His face paled (if that was even more possible) and I almost felt the sparks between us turn the color of the blush that flooded my face.

I noticed that his wide, surprised eyes noticed my cheeks heat.

The next moment his hands were off of me, pinned to his sides on the wall. I didn't drop mine from him, I couldn't, and neither of us knew what that would mean in the days to come.

Instead we just stood there. It was almost as if we were just two normal young adults struggling with what to do with each other.

Almost.

"I believe it's time I gave you a tour of my room," he said quietly.

Changing things again.

"What about _this_? Whatever the hell it is you just went through that resulted in me being trapped against that door?" I asked impatiently, not wanting to walk away from the questions it seemed we both had about whatever it is we both felt.

I was starting to wonder if Edward was a professional avoider.

"I'm almost certain that whatever _that _was will come up easily again, and isn't something I should carry all of the balme for since apparently you have little to no trouble reciprocating the action."

His smart eyes darted down to my hands that were still pushing his hips against the wall, proving his point with just a look.

I sighed and pulled them into myself, scowling at him for his erratic mood changes. And for being right. Whatever uncontrolled feelings surged through him clearly pushed through me as well.

His face softened as he stood up straight and took a small step towards me. I instinctly took one backwards, feeling somewhat rejected in the way he'd suddenly seemed so composed while my hands had still been on him.

Was I really that easy to stop being insanely, violently attracted to?

He wasn't. The skin on my hands felt like it might start trembling because it wasn't next to his anymore, even through the shirt.

"This is horrible," I spoke outloud, beginning to walk down the new hallway we were in that was long, and slate gray with navy accents.

I had no idea where I was going but I couldn't stay there, directly in front of his dark emerald, controlled stare. I felt like I was falling apart all of a sudden. I felt like I needed to be grounded, but I had no idea which way was up. I was a mess and he was perfection, once again. Is this what it would always be like if I stayed with him? That didn't seem fair.

"Where are you going?" he called behind me.

He was completely ignored. My feet just kept moving.

I felt him coming up behind me, so I walked faster, towards nowhere.

"Isabella, stop. Please."

The only reason I did is because he'd said please and I could hear that he meant it.

Hands fell on my shoulders and turned me around. The next moment they were on my face, lifting it towards his gently.

"I would ask you never to walk away from me again, but I can't," his quiet voice spoke.

"I can't keep up with you," I admitted, keeping my arms crossed and fighting every fiber in me that was way too certain it needed to be closer to him.

"Of course not. I'm Edward Cullen. I'm a mystery and a riddle."

I tried to pull my face out of his hands and away from his smug smile. His grip tightened slightly and his head dipped towards mine as he breathed, "And you drive me crazy."

"Yes. You said that earlier."

Though I couldn't accurately calculate how long ago "earlier" was.

"It's true."

"You pull away so easily. And suddenly. And when you're not pulling away, when you're close, it's so overwhelming... I feel more scared and more alive than ever."

"How ironic. You're still very much dead," he teased, eyes sparkeling.

"I'm in a coma," I argued back, feeling my voice grow hard as if it was insulting for him to suggest otherwise.

He chuckled at me, still holding my face and studying what he saw in it.

"You need air," he said, sounding very sure of himself.

Air sounded nice so I nodded along. I didn't really feel better about whatever the heck had transpired between us, possibly even worse since he still hadn't defended his ability to control himself. But I felt hot and like air was exactly what I did need to calm down.

He dropped his hands and began walking beside me, hesitating to make sure that I was indeed going to come with him. After a two or three silent steps his hand reached out and grabbed mine and I let it because he's Edward and I'm Bella and we were together.

"Where were you going, anyway?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"Away. I don't know. Feeling that overwhelmed is new to me. My life... what it was in the, uh, living world... well, it wasn't overwhelming very often."

"Not even when you're mother died?" he asked bravely.

I stumbled a bit in my walking. Most people wouldn't come out and say something like that so directly.

"Forks usually isn't too overwhelming either," he sighed as he ran his free hand through his hair and I failed to offer a response.

We turned and went through another door, this one smaller than the last and made of a black sort of wood.

As he opened it he pulled me through it with him and we entered into a rather large space; a gorgeous dome ceilinged room that was distincly him.

The bed was large and iron with inviting black and gold pillows. There were paintings all around the room, black and white city skylines with one or two golden accents in each. On the far wall there was a black leather couch and a glass coffee table that matched the extensive shelving unit that seemed to serve as a home for numerous books, CDs, and vinyl records. There was a sound system I never wanted to touch in fear of breaking it and/or feeling incredibly inferior to it's knowledge. There were pieces of writing everywhere scattered on end tables, the glass table, and the massive black desk that sat opposite the couch. Various instruments lounged around the room as well, like old friends waiting for you to return home for the evening. Everything looked prestine and lived in at the same time.

Boy and man. Faimiliar and strange.

Edward led me all the way across the room towards a massive wall that was nothing but glass. I reaized then that he had more than four walls, the structure of the building we were in was more pentagon shaped than square.

He pushed a glass door open and I smiled when the breeze hit my face because the sun was breaking through the clouds, warming my skin and hinting at Edward's happiness.

"The sun is coming out," I noted, looking pointedly at him.

"They've told you, then, have they?" he chuckled, still holding my hand and actually looking sort of bashful.

I nodded, wondering at his small show of embarassment. He pulled me further out onto the balcony we'd entered onto without elaborating or meeting my gaze. I followed along silently, noticing that you could see a lot from this height, though most of it was the rest of the house and trees.

He took me to the farthest reach of the wooden balcony, which was a maze to get through because the tops of trees grew right thorugh the structure we were standing on, highlighting that the balcony was built around what was already growing here before it's existence. We ended up in a canopy of tree tops that surrounded the outtermost area of the balcony, making it a private, leafy cave of green and earthy wooden brown.

I dropped his hand and spun around, taking in the unique lovliness of it all. By the time I was finished spinning there were tiny white lights intermixed with the leaves above. I couldn't identify what they were, and I was almost certain they hadn't been there when we'd entered. But then where could they have come from? They were small and very un-electric in appearance, almost as if stars or fireflies themselves had gotten happily caught in the dome of trees above us.

I looked to Edward who was smiling contently directly at me.

"This isn't real," I accused brightly, hoping against hope that it was. That none of this was a coma dream, but rather a reality I hadn't been able to fall into until now.

"This is _so_ real."

He walked over to a large tree trunk and sat down, leaning his back against it. I followed along, mimicking his actions and finding the trunk and the side of his body easy and comfortable to lean against.

"The lights, what are they?" I asked as I studied the canopy above us with deep interest.

"I don't know," he answered simply, sound just as curious and looking up at them just as I was.

We sat side by side and he weaved his arm around me, this time not asking if it was all right.

Well, it was.

"Do you want to know more about me?" he asked, breaking the silence and turning his face down towards mine.

"Definitely."

All of my attention was off of the enchanting trees and mysterious lights. I was focused on the mystery sitting next to me, uncharacteristically offering me information about himself.

A hand ran through his hair and I felt hesitation in the action.

"What do you want to know?" he asked quietly with a sort of chilish uncertainty that caught me off guard.

I'd a assumed a boy with his ego could talk all day about himself if he was given the opportunity.

"What did Carlisle say exactly... about what it is that happens between you and I?"

He looked down at me sideways through his lashes without turning his head all the way.

"I've told already. He doesn't know."

"But he told you to explore it?"

"Yes."

There was a long silence, thick crystal blue since we both knew where this was going.

"What does that mean, exactly?" I asked in a small voice.

He cleared his throat a little bit, shifting where he sat. I stayed stock still in anticipation of what I thought it meant.

"I suppose it means that if I feel _something_ for you, he thinks I should just go with it. As long as you are ok with it, of course."

"And you do... feel somethings for me?" the stupid, needy girly parts of my mind needed to ask.

"I'm fairly sure that's been made clear, Isabella."

Despite the fact that it had been made clear, in a few of his physical actions at least, I blushed and ducked my head.

To my knowledge a boy had never felt _things_ for me before. Let alone a riddled boy like Edward Cullen. With his bright green eyes and untamable, wonderful features.

"And you?" he pushed on, his voice sounding stronger than I knew mine would, "you feel things for me too."

"I think that's been made clear, Edward."

I spoke into my chest, still not looking up. My hair had fallen in front of a good portion of my face, blocking a lot of my view of our surroundings. So it may have been my imagination but I'm pretty sure I sa and felt the tiny lights in the leaves brighten for a moment.

"And we're supposed to explore what we feel?" I asked after a few shallow, silent breaths.

"Carlisle recommends it. I know it sounds daft when I put it that way, almost like I've been getting advice from a doctor about an ailment, but you'll find that it's usual for us to go to Carlisle for guideance on things we feel we have no grasp on."

"Oh, I don't know, Edward. It felt like you had a pretty firm grasp on me earlier."

We both stilled.

The words had fallen out of my mouth before I even knew what they were.

Was I flirting with him? I guess that's what you would have to call that. It was so out of character. So fun. So freeing since it was an honest thought.

It was a second instinct for me, and I realized that I had a confident, easy smile on my face.

As we sat there a low, rumbling sound hit my ears and I realized that it was Edward. A husky chuckle was murmuring inside of his chest. I looked up towards his face and found him with his head back against the tree, his eyes shut and his adam's apple bobbing every few seconds. The lights threw a glow on his skin and a golden edge to his hair.

"We need to change the subject. Now," he commanded, sounding restrained and amused all at once.

"Why?" my new found playfull confidence asked.

He sighed with his eyes unopened.

"Let's just say we have much more to talk about before exploration begins."

"But-"

"Another question, please."

I huffed and turned my gaze away from him, pressing the back of my head into the tree as well when I realized he was probably right. Judging by the severe way our attraction took shape, it'd probably be better to stop playing with fire if other things needed to be discussed.

"How old are you?" I began, thinking that starting with the basics would be best.

"When I died I was seventeen."

"That's really young," I replied automatically, not thinking about anything except the fact that he'd been taken from life so young.

He sat up straighter and I turned to him since the arm he still had rested around me made it so I was affected by the move as well.

"I'm hardly seventeen now," he argued.

It was cute because his tone was turning childish once again, on the edge of being man and boy and he sounded very much like a seventeen year old.

"Do you get birthdays in Forks?" I asked, purposefully sounding playfully doubtful of his declaration. Pushing Edward's few buttons was fun.

"Well, no, we don't, that would be inane when we don't age-"

I lifted my eyebrows, silently pointing out that he'd sort of just contradicted himself.

"All right, I see how that sounds. It sounds like a contradiction. It sounds like nonsense. But I assure you, we mature here even if we don't age. I am _not_ seventeen in character."

I watched him semi-scramble for words. They came out eloquently enough but they were tinged with desperation. The sentences turned orange and copper from the rush in which they fell from his mouth and the only thing I could think of was: cute.

He was so cute when he was flustered.

"Yeah, I've seen that," I said cooly, leaning back against the tree again. "You're very grown up Edward, don't worry. I'm just teasing."

He remained sitting up, watching me intently. I felt scrutinized under his gaze and part of me felt like I needed to let up on the "you're only seventeen" teasing.

"It's just sort of sad that you were done living so early."

"It was better that way," he sighed as he leaned back against the tree with me.

"Why do you say that? Didn't you like being alive?"

"No."

The finality in his voice made me turn to him. He wasn't looking at me at all, but rather straight ahead at the wall of leaves fluttering around our foliage cave. From outside I heard the wind swirl and thrust as the leaves shook a little harder, though nothing of what I supposed was a rather chilly wind broke through into our verdant world.

I turned my attention to the rustling and then back to him. He was stone and silence, save for the thumping of his left hand's thumb on his knee. He'd even taken his arm away from me, something I didn't like at all.

I reached my forefinger up and traced his face, wondering what one would have to do to erase all of the burden that sometimes plagued his occasionally seventeen year old features.

"Why?" I asked quietly, still pulling my finger along his skin in a motion that was soft, caring lavender.

"I was alone when I was alive. Alone, and wretched."

"And even though you aren't now, the memories are bad?" I guessed, trying to soothe and understand and unravel him all at once.

My finger moved from the side of his face down to his neck where I hooked is under the collar of his t-shirt.

"I hardly remember any of it," he said coldly. I didn't feel like the chill was towards me, or my inquiry but I still very much felt it.

"I think you're lying."

When he still didn't move or speak I tugged on the bit of shirt my finger was under and he turned to me reluctantly.

I searched his eyes just like I'd felt him to do me a few times since I'd been here. I felt like I knew nothing about him and knew everything I needed to know all at the same time. There was pain there, embedded in the green depth of his eyes, but there was something else the color of hope. He stared back blankly before the skin under my finger warmed red and purple on my skin and his eyes changed back to being full.

"Alice didn't see that you'd read me so well," he said. To distract.

"What happened, Edward? What made you hate life so much?"

"It's not important," he breathed, moving his face closer to mine.

"It does," I fought, believing it but growing paralyzed under the movement of his lips towards mine.

I opened my mouth to say more, to tell him that it was important. To me. He was important to me.

But I couldn't very well do that with him moving his body in front of mine, nearly straddling me against the tree. His limbs were gently climbing around me, not frantic or worried or rigid like before against the door. His legs landed on either side of mine, pushing softly into my body. His arms weren't around me exactly but they weren't absent from me either.

He studied me for second longer before moving in even further with the tempting set of his mouth and his scent pulling me into his trap. I held my breath and put my hands on his thighs and and felt my fingers curl in anticipation and concern and awe of what was about to happen.

He moved slowly into me and the motion was colored with dark green that matched the veins in the leaves of the trees creating our private alcave.

"Wait," I whispered, right before _it_ happened.

Right before Edward Cullen kissed me.

He did. He waited. And then he sighed. Nearly against my lips. My lips that he'd almost kissed.

A shudder passed through me and I'm sure into him, making the devil in his eye dance and sing and pull him to me once more.

"No, wait," I spoke again, moving a hand from his leg to his chest to stop his second blatant attempt at kissing me. "I thought we were supposed to be talking."

It was lame, I know. And the disbelieving look in Edward's eye didn't make me feel anything but lame, I promise.

It didn't matter though, because I couldn't let this moment just happen. It was a big deal to me and I was fairly sure it was a big deal to him, but he was pushing that aside in order to use a kiss to distract me from talking about his lonely, wretched life before Forks.

"You are infuriating," he murmured, running his nose along the line of my hair and temple.

"I know, I'm sorry," I shook out, shivering again at the light touch of his skin on mine. "It's just... you were going to kiss me."

"Yes, I'm aware."

"Yeah..."

I bit my lip and he continued his careful tracing of my skin. He'd circled around my face and I could now feel everything about him in the curve of my neck where his head had dipped. I wanted to call him out on using this as a distraction, but the feeling of him so close was taking over.

"I'm sorry, Isabella, but I fail to see where we're running into a problem."

He spoke into my skin which made me laugh because it tickled and felt good. Also, I was nervous.

"I've never kissed anyone before," I admited, pushing his chest up so that he was actually looking at me.

He leaned back on his heels, still surrounding me but no longer pushing into my immediate space. A lazy smile spread on his face as one of his hands traveled through his hair.

"I know. I haven't either."

"How did you know I've never kissed anyone?" I asked, remembering the scene in my room from earlier where he'd spouted off other personal facts about my life.

"I told you, I've studied you."

"How? Do you guys have files or something?"

He laughed at me, sort of annoying me with the way in which he knew so much and found it highly amusing that I knew not very much. It was sort of good, I guess. It brought me back down to reality. Reminded me of the seriousness of my situation here and why sitting around in a beautiful leaf canopy almost kissing Edward may not be the best use of time. I still needed to understand so much.

"Tell me," I demanded, moving my legs side to side in an effort to shake him off of me.

He shook a little, tilting to the right more than he probably would have liked before steadying himself and throwing me a disapproving look. He removed one leg from around me and sat cross legged facing me. This arrangement left me feeling void but it was ultimately good. It allowed us to converse for a good matter of time without distractions of touches, or shivers, or fingers or colored sensations or minty breath.

"You're not going to like it very much," he warned.

"Try me."

"In order to find out more about you're life I had to follow you."

"Like a stalker?"

"I told you you wouldn't like it very much."

I paused, realizing that he wasn't denying the stalker status I'd accused him of.

"Why did you need to know so much about me?" I asked, moving on when I realized that the only upset I'd truly had is not knowing that Edward was around me before all of this, when apparently he'd been around a lot without me knowing it.

"Because Alice couldn't see much," he shrugged.

"So she told you to follow me around?"

"Well, no," he replied, smiling crookedly. "That was my solution."

"Oh."

There was a silence that hung in the hair; a heavy gray separation of understanding and want of understanding.

"You talk in your sleep," he said, breaking my contemplative silence.

"You watched me sleep!"

"A few nights, yes."

"Edward!"

"What? Would you like me to apologize? I'm not going to. It was fascinating, honestly. You are so free when you sleep-"

"That's crossing a line-"

"No, it was curiosity, that's all, I promise. Innocent, pure curiosity. And intrigue."

Gosh, how was any female supposed to be upset with him with that sincere, alluring look on his face?

"How does it work? The... following?" I decided to change the subject before I got sucked into his lovely face and mannerisms again. "Alice and the others said that you guys can travel back and forth between here and the, uh, living world. But that there are rules?"

He nodded.

"Yes, we can go back and forth as much as we please, more or less. The stay must be limited to 24 waking hours or less. That made it rather difficult in my situation, considering we also have to wait 24 more before we can go back."

I heard the frustration in his voice and I wondered very much how rainy the weather had been during the hours he couldn't be in the living world stalking me.

"So you spent a great deal of time following me?"

"I spent as much time as possible following you," he spoke clearly, unashamed. "I begged Carlisle to bend to rules for me, to change the limit and the wait times. He said it was out of his hands. I'm still not sure I believe him."

"Why did you want to be around me so much?"

He considered this for a moment longer than he usually considered anything.

"Alice can see what's to come. She can usually give us an idea of when things will happen, but it's never exact. Sometimes details of her visions give us clues to the specific time, but more than often not. So, when she started seeing more of you being here I got anxious about knowing you and that resulted in me acting on impulse."

"So you started following me."

"Yes. I started visiting the living world very often. The first time it was out of simple curiosity of who you were. I could see this girl in Alice's visions, I could see myself with her... but it felt so foreign to me." His eyes were still looking at me in theory, but I could see that their soul was not. They were slightly glossy and reminiscent as he continued speaking. "I'd been alone so long, and content in it. It made no sense for the me in her glimpses of what was to come to be so attached to some girl, no matter what Carlisle said about you and fate and whatnot. One out of every ten of her visions showed you without me. That's a very slight ratio and very out of character for me. I love my family here in Forks. I owe them everything for loving me in return. But I spend the majority of my time without them, choosing to be in comfortable solitude. I'm not very accustomed to being in the dark about things, not after being in Forks for so long, so I went and found you so I could see what it was that future me was so drawn to."

I was compelled by his story. Absolutely entranced in the way his voiced wrapped around the words that showed me more of his mind, and heart, and thoughts.

"Did you figure it out?" I asked, nearly in a light blue whisper, afraid of breaking his will to open up.

"It was everything."

My heart melted in to a deep red puddle as his softened eyes returned to me.

"The first moment I saw you I felt only one emotion: possession."

If blood was still running through my veins (I wasn't too sure) it ran cold.

"That's how I felt, when I opened my eyes and saw you," I admitted in a rush, feeling almost relieved that he knew what the odd sensation of wanting to own another person, another stranger, felt like.

A satisfied smirk pulled his lips up.

"Do you want to know why that is?" he asked quietly, leaning in conspiratorially as if we were two children in a tree house sharing secrets about stealing cookies from the kitchen.

I nodded.

He stood up, surprising me with the action, and reached down for my hand to pull me up.

I stood up with him as he pulled me towards one of the wall of leaves. As we got closer to it his hand passed in front of us slowly in a swiping motion and the leaves began to move out of the way, pulling apart until there was a small area acting as a window in between the braches.

"Did you just...?" I trailed off, unable to form the words.

"Command the trees?" he asked in a sort of mocking voice, laughing. "Yes."

I turned to him, clearly alarmed, and he laughed some more as he shrugged.

"I've shared a lot of myself with you today, Isabella, but there's still much to learn," he chuckled charmingly, moving behind me and speaking softly into my ear as his hands found my waist.

I looked out through the open space he'd made in the trees and found that we were standing very near the edge of the balcony, looking out towards the rest of the house and the forest beyond. Edward's section of the mansion seemed to be on the far left of the structure and once he turned my hips slightly to the right I found that we were gazing down into a section of garden right off of Carlisle's quarters.

And there, sitting in a garden swing that was built for more than just one form, was Carlisle himself. He was a handsome man, I could see that much and I wasn't surprised by it. He had blonde hair and sharp, young features. We weren't close enough to see many details but I found a sort of comfort in the way he held himself.

He was swingingly back and forth slowly with his arms resting on his lap and a pitcher of something that looked like lemonade on the small table next to him. It was definitely more than enough for one person, and if I squinted I could see that there were two glasses stacked and sitting next to the pitcher. His head wasn't turned out towards the wash of trees and flowers before him in the garden. Rather, it was watching the empty seat next to him where there sat a book with a lily resting on top.

"He does this everyday," Edward said to me, soft and in my ear again. I knew he wasn't trying to drive me crazy like any of the incidents before when we'd touched and restrained. I could feel his concentration with mine on the man below.

"What's he doing?" I asked, perplexed by his concentration on the seat next to him.

"What I couldn't do. He's waiting."

"For what?"

"For Esme."

"What's an Esme?"

I turned my head a bit towards the right just as Edward's head fell to my shoulder and he shook with a small bout of laughter.

"Not what," he said as he rested his chin where his forhead had just been. "_Who_."

I turned back towards the view of the garden and understood. All I needed to do was nod.

Carlisle was waiting for Esme. Just as Edward knew he was waiting for me, Carlisle _knew_. And when they were together they'd both know. If Carlisle designed Forks then I was sure that he'd design love the way in which he was waiting for it, where it was sure and complete and possessive. I was instantly sure thie Esme would be a beautiful, powerful woman. It hurt my heart to see him sitting there, so all alone and patient with things that he clearly wanted to be sharing with her. He was waiting to stop being alone.

My heart lurched and I turned towards Edward, taking him a bit off guard. His chin slipped from my shoulder but his hands stayed at the level of my waist where they reattached themselves after I was fully turned towards him. His eyes were level with mine due to his leaning against me the moment before.

"I have another question pertaining to you and Carlisle."

"All right."

His expression was soft and happy, but still sort of surprised at my abrupt turn.

"Carlisle made Forks for you? Right?"

"Did Alice tell you that?"

"Yes. Is it true?"

"Technically, yes. I suppose that's true."

"Did he make it for you so you wouldn't be so alone?"

He looked at me for a small piece of time, hesitating. Then his head slowly began to shake.

"No. No, that's not why he made Forks."

"Oh."

"Why do you look so sad?" he asked with a little laugh, picking up on the fact that I was feeling a little let down that my revelation wasn't as epic as I thought it was.

"I just thought... I don't know. I know that Forks and you are connected," he nodded, "and I know that you and I are connected," again, a nod. "...I've just been trying to figure out why. And if Carlisle's got this great loneliness going on while he waits for Esme then maybe created a place for you, where you would go after your long lonely life to have a family, and some friends, and a... well, me."

My shoulders lifted and fell in a small effort to pass off my idea as unimportant since apparently I was incorrect.

"That's not a bad idea, I suppose," he began, clearly trying to sound supportive or whatnot even though I'd been terribly, all sorts of hot pink kind of wrong. "While I do have all of those things here, it's not what Forks is for. I am less alone, yes. But up until you got here I still felt very much alone. Even now, nothing's certain... and Carlisle knows that. He hasn't spoken to you himself about all of this, the purpose behing it, because he's wanted to give me time to get used to having a companion. Also, as you can see, he's growing more and more distracted with the thought of his Esme. He's been saying lately that she's closer now than ever. Just like I was with you, I think he's getting anxious about it. That is what's making the waiting more difficult."

"What will Esme mean to him? To Forks and the rest of us? Completion?" I asked, looking back over my shoulder for a second to glance at the lone figure in the chair built for two.

"Hmm. You'll have to ask him that. He never really discusses it in detail with me."

"And he will with me?"

"Alice said he will."

"Wait. Why? I don't even know him and you guys are his family-"

"I don't know why it's you. It's all apart of you choosing to stay with us or not, I think. It's one of the things I can't have a hand in."

I huffed, blowing a piece of hair out of my face. I felt incredibly frustrated. To deter myself from the upset I decided to find out more about Edward while I had him here, alone and attentive.

"How does it work? You're connection to Forks?" I asked as I tentatively wound my fingers into the soft cotton of his shirt, right above the waist line of his jeans.

"It's very interesting, actually," he said smoothly, in soft tones and whispering colors. I felt his head coming towards mine again, and this time I was only a fraction more prepared than last time for an assumed attempt at a kiss.

He got within inches of my lips and froze, throwing the gleam from his eye into mine.

"I basically control everything."

The power was there, in his voice, and I could see that this was one thing he did enjoy about his existence.

"Literally?" I asked, feeling closer to magic than I ever thought possible, remembering back to a few minutes ago when a swipe of his hand moved trees out of our way.

He nodded but not in answer to my question. It was one, quick flick of his head to the left.

I heard it happening behind me, and when my head turned to look it was only visual confirmation of what I already knew was happening.

The giant branches were moving gracefully back into place, as if the small window overlooking Carlisle's garden had never even existed.

The leaves settled into place, though not entirely motionless due to the small amount of wind still bustling outside of our enclosed tree-room.

"What else?" I asked, excited and enthralled with this fantasy come to life in front of me. In my arms.

"What's you're favorite color?" he asked plainly.

"Green," I answered automatically.

"What's is _really_?" he asked through a smug laugh and a wink.

"It's really green, Edward. Always has been."

I laughed and nudged his side with the fist that I still had balled into the fabric of his shirt. He fell back a pace or two, laughing, and then stepped back into his place directly in front of me. He stopped laughing and I watched his eyes dance as the tiny lights above us turned from a soft golden-white glow to a iridescent minty-green bath of light.

We were in a glittering sea-green cave of leaves, all because he could make it so with nothing more than a thought.

"That's unbelievable," I said nearly to myself, looing up towards the newly green tinted firefly-star orbs.

"What's your favorite flower?" he asked, close to my ear again, in a low tone seductive enough to shift the mood.

I turned my head towards his only to find his finger waiting for me. It covered my lips and he smiled specially, with more of the savior than the devil present.

He bent down towards one of the massive tree trunks growing through the wooden planks of the balcony and then stood back up with a magnolia in his hand that had just grown from the trunk of the tree.

"Of course you know," I mumbled sarcastically, making sure to give him a grateful smile despite the teasing as he handed me the flower.

"I know nearly everything," he whispered.

He took the flower from my hand and tucked it into my hair, then grabbed the hand that had been holding it in his and wrapped his other arm around my waist.

Before I could protest he had us swaying, dancing languidly. I shifted my attention from the intense stare he'd turned on me and tilted my head, trying to decide if I really heard Jeff Buckley's version of "Hallelujah" playing.

"My favorite song," I commented towards him when I realized that I did indeed hear it playing, though from where I couldn't tell.

"I know."

His arm around my waist tightened, bringing us even closer than before as he spun us around and moved our two bodies around the wooden floor more graceful than royal purple.

"I know that you're ticklish here," his finger ran down the middle of my back and I giggled, "and I know that you hate dancing."

His cocky smile was a plain and simple method of gloating, since we were in the middle of a dance just as he said those words and we both knew I was enjoying myself.

"I know that you're eyes almost turn black when you cry," he was suddenly very close, studying my eyes and swaying us to the music slower than before.

"What else do you know?" I asked when we were nearly stopped, standing in the middle of the canopy.

I felt entranced by him. His power and his uncerainty mixed constantly within him when it came to me, though he tried to keep them separate. Here, though, in the midst of his certain knowledge of me, I was victim to him.

"I know that, if I kiss you, it won't be fair," he said rather unfairly, nearly against my lips btu far enough away for me to notice that they weren't yet touching.

My eyes begged him to do it anyway, as the rest of me halted and asked, "Why?"

"Because, lovely girl. If I kiss you, you'll _have_ to stay. There will be no choice. I'll never let you go after that."

"That's not a problem," my mouth said, taking over the begging, moving in to chase after his.

I thought I felt the lights dim as his face kept pace with mine, not moving away very far but just enough to dodge my attempt at pressing us together.

"It is," his dark voice nearly plead.

"Edward, just kiss me. It will be fine..."

"But you're life-"

"Was nothing like this. Please."

I saw the sadness fill his eyes as his head began to shake a little bit, denying what he himself had started so many times today.

Whatever it was that was restraining him throughout my time here so far was strong. He'd pushed himself on me on multiple occasions already but had been able to stop it before he got carried away each and every time.

"If I kiss you and you leave..." he began as his eyes widened into silent green sirens of a foreboding future.

"What if I leave and you _never _kiss me?" I threw out, still unable to promise him that I wouldn't leave, but not really seeing much reason to at this point.

That was the moment I knew I had him. The moment after the words fell from my mouth and shattered in abrasive, victorious yellows and reds onto the floor, I knew that his restraint was as low as it had ever been.

His eyes widened even more as his grip on me tightened and his mouth moved towards mine, barely touching it before he gasped the word, "Esme!"

* * *

**I'm sorry it took so long, but Bella wasn't apt to come out and play with me until just recently. And, just as I promised, there was a lot of Edward so I hope that I may have made up for some of the wait. **

**I hope you are still enjoying. Let me know, please. And to any new comers, welcome!**

**And, yes, it's supposed to feel this erratic if you are still feeling confused ;) **

**Until next time...**

**LOVE YOUS **

**-Car**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**_"I'm so far away from you."_**

**_- "This is How I Disappear" My Chemical R__omance_**

_"If I kiss you and you leave..." he began as his eyes widened into silent green sirens of a foreboding future._

_"What if I leave and you _never_ kiss me?" I threw out, still unable to promise him that I wouldn't leave, but not really seeing much reason to at this point._

_That was the moment I knew I had him. The moment after the words fell from my mouth and shattered in abrasive, victorious yellows and reds onto the floor, I knew that his restraint was as low as it had ever been._

_His eyes widened even more as his grip on me tightened and his mouth moved towards mine, barely touching it before he gasped the word, "Esme!"_

I pulled away from him abruptly. Everything felt enormously different from the moment just before.

The music had stopped and the mysterious, lovely lights were gone. And, as if the man you feel wild bright emotions over gasping the name of another woman right before you kiss him _isn't_ enough to break the mood, suddenly I found our physical atmosphere falling apart as well.

Before I could ask Edward what was going on the wall of the tree canopy that was to our left burst into a blast of delicate, green confetti. Leaves exploded around Alice's small form as she burst through the fragile barrier, creating a floating green arch around her presence.

"Why are you up here?" Edward asked his sister impatiently, releasing me from his grasp altogether, "Go tell Carlisle!"

"I'm going to but you two should come with me," she replied with a sweet smile, colored candy pink and untroubled by his obvious irritation.

Her eyes darted to me and I got the full force of the smile. It was undoubtedly pretty and I genuinely loved Alice already, but I was feeling a lot of things related to annoyance at my first real mutual atttempt at a kiss with Edward being interrupted before it even began.

"I'm sorry. Where exactly to _we_ fit into your Esme update?" Edward asked.

"Because this needs to be a, um, family discussion."

"I'm afraid I stand unconvinced. Normally you and Carlisle discuss Esme for hours on end while the rest of us go about our own business," he argued with defiance.

"Well this time is different, Edward," Alice replied sternly. "Even though the decision has not been made yet, there's a chance Bella is going to be part of this family someday. We should start treating her as such, don't you agree?"

I could see that Edward didn't agree. Not right at this moment, anyway. His look was doubtful and dark. The tie between their eyes twisted in blacks and mistrusting browns.

"Besides," she continued after Edward did nothing but stand there and glare at her, silent and stoic, "he's already seen it and we should all be there for him. You know how unlike himself he gets with anythin concening Esme. He's entering into one of his episodes as we speak."

"You did this on purpose," he accused her in a low tone.

She scoffed.

"Oh, come off it, Edward! You know I can't plan when I _see_ things. And you saw it just as clear as I did once I got up here so you know that I'm not making it up just to ruin your life. I honestly need the family's help and just want Bella to feel like she's included in our normal lives."

I let out a cold laugh.

"You guys don't have normal lives."

Alice's smile changed from sweet to genuine and I heard Edward grunt a small laugh from beside me.

"Are you sure our presence is absolutely necessary?" he asked her, resting a hand on his hip and one in his hair.

"Yes."

A silent moment passed between them. Alice was staring at Edward with her intense grey eyes. He was staring right back at her, tugging on his beautiful locks, his mouth set in a displeased line. I knew that something was passing between them, a communication, but I also knew I had to wait for any clues as to what any of it was.

"That does not look like something we all need to be involved in," Edward lectured her suddenly. "Though I don't think you are even showing me all of it-"

"He needs calming."

"Then Jasper is who you want Alice, not me. Have I ever done anything to calm Carlisle down?"

A small, bitter chuckle left his mouth. Alice sighed and looked stern.

"_All_ of our support will help him. You are both coming with me. Now."

Her tone was so final, so demanding, I couldn't even begin to think we weren't going to do what she said.

I glanced at Edward who did look like he had many thoughts of not doing what she said, but he complied anyway.

"Fine," he breathed angrily, whipping his right hand sharply through the air causing the tree wall to part.

Alice smiled at me and then turned, making the motion somehow victorious. Her fast paces carried her towards the door to Edward's room that was still left open.

I walked through the door in front of Edward. He closed it silently behind us and then took my hand as we walked towards the rest of the house. The purple and crimson of his touch were familiar to me now, more comforting than shocking, but my stomach still did flips when his thumb ran up and down the side of my palm.

"For the record," he murmured into my hair secretly,"she very definitely interrupted us on purpose, no matter if we are fit to attent to Carlisle or not. I'm not sure why and I'm not happy with it but I can't say I'm not used to this sort of behavior from her either. One thing you need to learn about Alice: she's evil. And nine point nine times out of ten she gets what she wants."

He had been speaking quietly, whispering in soft tones that could have been made only for my ears, but I knew that we were close enough for Alice to hear his words right along with me.

She threw Edward a glare over her shoulder but at the very last second before her head turned back her tongue peaked out and her eyes squinted happily, teasing him.

They really were the mirror of an earthly brother and sister. It was comforting and pleasant to encounter. My family had never been whole or happy as such. The dynamics of this type of relationship were foreign to me, not unlike the dynamics of a romantic one. Forks certainly had a lot to teach me. And it seemed able to do it in a much swifter time frame than the living world did.

******-*-*-*-**

I stood in the corner of Carlisle Cullen's study, stone still in shock.

The handsome, sweet, father-figure man I'd heard so much about was currently rifling through various things on his desk and murmuring incoherent things to himself. Looking very much unlike the picture of ease and authority I'd envisioned.

I was ushered by Emmett to the corner of the room to watch while this new version of him rummaged around the desk he stood in front of. It was absolutely cluttered with papers of all different colors, books, books with papers of all different colors sticking out of them, pens, cups, notebooks and other oddities.

He knocked over a nearly empty glass of water (which Alice picked up swiftly), complained that he couldn't find his glasses (which Jasper pointed out where "right atop you're head"), picked up an enormous book with papers sticking out of it and informed us all that War and Peace was a horrible read before handing it off angrily to Edward (who then tossed it over the desk to Emmett, who then handed it to me and told me to place it in the empty slot on the bookshelf to my left). I slid the book into the slot next to me that was just wide enough for it's thickness and then turned back towards the middle of the room just as Carlisle tossed a small stack of papers to his right in order to gain access to the contents under them. The flying stack missed every part of the desk and scattered across the floor (which resulted in Rosalie crouching down to organize them into a reasonably neat pile next to the desk).

Finally, just as the ruffled blonde man was about knock over a coffee cup full of pens, Jasper reached his hand out and placed it on Carlisle's shoulder, stopping in him in the middle of his frantic actions.

The whole room (not only the occupants, the very air in it) seemed to stop and relax along with him, which was odd. I myself was more relaxed than just the moment before and I hadn't even been too much on edge, just curious about the scene before me. This confused me until I noticed Edward's eyes shoot to Jasper as he nodded his head once, barely. Jasper returned the small gesture and Rosalie audibly sighed in relief. Then it clicked. Something about Jasper made people calm. I hadn't forgotten the way he calmed me down during my small talk with him and his siblings not too much earlier and now I imagined he was offering Carlisle the same gift as well.

We stood as nothing but a silent picture for a few moments. Seven still, black-clad forms surrounded by the dark greens, browns, and blues of the study. Carlisle stood behind his desk with both palms face down pressing into the top of the wood to support his upper half. Jasper was to his right, Edward to his left, flanking him in a way that felt protective and wary at the same time. Rosalie was still at the right of the desk standing with her hands impatiently placed on her black skinny jean wrapped hips. Alice was perched on the chair that sat to the left of the desk which appeared to be pushed farther away than it seemed it should be. She was sitting on the top of it's back with her feet where one's rear should be. Emmett and I were still in the corner. He was leaning casually against the bookshelf behind us while I was holding my hands to my stomach and throwing my gaze around the room, unconsciously landing it most often on Edward and Carlisle.

"Carlisle?" Rosalie asked in a strong voice laced with concern.

She got no response from him. No one seemed to be alarmed by his lack of response except for me.

Was he all right?

"Carlisle?" She tried again.

Nothing.

She sighed and turned her violet eyes to Emmett and then to me. The bright purple held on me for a few moments, making my fingers twitch in discomfort. Her gaze wasn't malicious but it was calculating. Hard. Intimidating.

"Rosalie," Edward said in an even tone, showing no emotion. I think he was just drawing her gaze away from me and to him.

I was confused and still uncomfortable and glad to be rid of the one color that now made me uneasy.

Without adressing Edward in return Rosalie took a step towards Carlisle's side, replacing Jasper, and said softly, "Dad?"

Carlile's head turned towards Rosalie and his eyes focused on her face. He smiled softly.

"Rose. Yes. Sorry. I'm very sorry," he began saying as he stood up out of the hunched form over his desk and back to his full height. He was tall like the other males in the room, possibly a bit shorter than Edward and Jasper. Nowhere near the gigantic form of Emmett, but then again, who was?

"I'm fine now. I was just... I just need to find that note..." he began rambling, holding one hand out to grasp Rosalie's as his other went back to pushing papers around on his crowded desk with an enthusiam far more mild than his previous efforts.

"What note?" Edward asked calmly.

"_The_ note. From Aro," Alice answered, her high, sweet voice surprising me since I'd been expecting Carlisle to answer.

"Oh boy," Emmett breathed only loud enough for me to hear.

"You lost it again?" Rosalie inquired.

"Well, yes. It seems I have. But I don't know where... could be anywhere, couldn't it? I should really clean before - help me look, kids? Yes. We should all look."

Carlisle's voice was fluid but it sounded like a forced sort of cream color. There was something underneath the glassy tone that was begging to crack and crumble.

None of the "kids" made any effort to help him look. Instead Rosalie addressed him again.

"Haven't you put it in a safe place? We've gone through this before, Car- dad."

"I was trying to keep it out of the way of things just as you have all told me to. But now look at what we've done! We've lost it again. Putting it out of sight is not proving to be helpful. No. I need it and I cannot _find_ it."

"Why do you need the note?" Rosalie asked him, tugging on the hand that was now being held in between both of hers.

"I just need to see it again... just once more. I need to see the note once more to confirm-"

"Dad, man, you've read it about a thousand times already. You've gotta have it memorized by now," Emmett said in his naturally booming volume, breaking whatever unspoken rule we'd all been following since we entered the study to be as quiet as possible.

"Well, I don't!" Carlisle argued back, shooting Emmett a desperate look. While his volume had raised he hadn't sounded harsh. It made me wonder if he ever even could. Instead Carlisle's volume spoke towards the deep conviction that he had about his task needing to be completed.

"Maybe taking a step back will help, Carlisle," Jasper suggested, stepping back up behind Rosalie and gesturing to the space behind them all between the desk and another large wall of books.

He wasn't even acknowledged by the man with the ever-searching hands. Rosalie threw Jasper a look over her shoulder and Jasper immediately spoke up again.

"Right... _Dad_, maybe taking a step back will help," he offered again.

This time Carlisle registered his voice and turned to him, pulling his hand from Rosalie's.

"Perhaps. Yes. Let's all just step back a second. Then we can clearly see what we've done with it. Thank you, son."

He took a step back from the desk. Rosalie, Edward and Jasper all followed suit.

The room fell silent once again and in my mind another snapshot of the room was taken. My senses were trying to take everything in but a vapid gray feeling was clouding my ability to absorb, making it impossible for me to comprehend exactly all of what was happening around me.

Only Edward's presence reassured me that I was still grounded somewhere, though his stare was apprehensive when it reached mine. I tried to smile at him, not sure if I could but also not sure if I couldn't, then I passed my look off to Alice who was still settled happily on the back of the thick leather chair. She looked content and at ease. Very much unlike everyone else in the room.

Even in Emmett's cool lean the muscles in his forearms were flexed and tense under the span of skin that was showing now that he'd pushed up the sleeves on his sweater.

"I just need the note," Carlisle announced once again, leaning forward towards the desk as if his whole being was resisting it's pull towards the littered structure.

"We'll find it," Rosalie assured him, exasperation barely leaking into her tone. "Emmett, a little help please?"

Her hard eyes entrapped him and he finally stood up straight.

"Yeah, uh... it's on that golden paper, right dad? The fancy crap that the Volturi always use?"

"Of couse," Carlisle replied hurriedly. "That's why I'm so shocked - I just can't believe I lost it again. It's on the golden paper. The only golden paper I've kept..."

This time his need was apparently too much and his feet carried him forward, back to rummaging through the piles and stacks and scatterings and looseleafs.

I watched Emmett walk over to the desk and reach over it himself, trying to organize that which Carlisle was just making a bigger mess of. I knew he wouldn't be doing it had Rosalie's command not been made but it seemed they all took turns helping "dad".

All except for Alice. She was still on the chair, still looking pleased, staring at me expectantly.

I almost threw her a look that would have said, "what do you expect me to do?" but right before I did it hit me.

I turned from her and pulled War and Peace back out from the bookshelf.

There, sticking out of the side of the pages towards the center of the book, was the edge of a shiny golden piece of paper.

I'm not sure how I remembered seeing it there before I placed it back in the shelf, but something in my mind caught hold of the golden image and now I held the key to solving Carlisle's immediate troubles.

I took the gold between my thumb and forefinger and pulled with just enough force to get the paper un-wedged from the thick book. It slid out and the comforting sound of paper on paper softly rose and then fell until I had the heavy book in one hand and the feather light golden sheet in the other.

I placed the book back and held the metallic note up in my hand, noticing that the writing on it was in thick black ink that produced an elegant script that flowed down the center of the small page.

All eyes were on me, except for Carlisle's. His were still ravaging the contents of his desk.

"Um, I think I have it," I announced inevitably to the whole room but soley for Carlisle.

His head came up and the most perfect blue I've ever seen registered my presence. And for the first time I really saw Carlisle Cullen.

He looked... sad. Reserved, but with a hint of wildness (though I figured the wildness wasn't normally there). He was pastel and bold all at once. Everything like the dignified, lonely man I'd seen from Edward's balcony. He had nice black slacks on with a proper black button down shirt and a dark, dark charcol vest over the shirt. He looked younger than most men who have ever been appropriately referred to as "dad" but I couldn't disagree with the patriarchal sense he held.

Even now in his frantic, scrambled state (his blonde hair was no longer smooth like it had been when he was sitting outside in the gardem but in somewhat of a disarray, looking as if he pushed his hand through it clumsily, mirroring the habit his most alluring son) I completely felt like I could curl up in his lap and be safe.

And it was odd. Because a man hadn't made me feel like that since... well, since before the night I started hating the rain.

"You've found it," he said joyfully, smiling widely.

I smiled back, unable not to, as the rest of the room visibly un-tensed in a manner that felt void of Jasper; a natural relief.

The next moment his smile was gone, though, replaced by a look of supreme concentration.

"But _who_ are you?"

His soft cadence was perplexed but (as if he sort of _did_ know who I was) he turned to Edward for the answer.

"Carlisle, I'd like for you to meet Isabella Swan," Edward spoke smoothly, smiling as he guestured across the room to me. "Isabella, this is Carlisle Cullen."

"Hello," I threw out lamely. I stood there, golden paper in hand, being watched by the entire Cullen family and more importantly _assessed_ by it's head.

His gaze traveled the length of my apraisingly in a silent searching of my person that was eons apart from the hungry looking manner Edward held when his eyes traveled the same path.

"My, you are much more lovely than I thought," Carlisle spoke lovingly as his eyes made their way back up to mine. "It's fitting though, isn't it?" he asked, I think to himself because no one answered and no one even looked like they thought they should be answering.

"Come, have a seat, Isabella," he gestured to the chair Alice was now off of and dragging towards the desk, "you have my note and I have much to tell you."

******-*-*-*-**

I sat in the study of Carlisle Cullen sipping tea and sitting in the most comfortable leather chair ever fashioned. On the surface it seemed like a proper afternoon meeting between two people, one with answers and one seeking answers.

In reality (or rather, in Forks' unnatural, bent, quixotic reality) it was an awkward impromptu meeting between an utterly confused girl and a ruffled, forlorn gentleman.

After Carlisle invited me to sit and listen to the "much" that he had to tell me Alice ushered everyone out of the room hurriedly. They were hesitant but unresistant once Carlisle demanded it calmly himself with two words ("out, please") and a gentle getsure with his hand to the door.

Edward was the only one that looked like he was thinking about defying the order but in the end he left peacefully, leaving me in the room with a burning maroon sensation on my cheek where he'd cupped his hand around my face before exiting the door Alice had been holding open for him.

Carlisle snapped into perfect english gentleman mode after the study door shut, almost erasing the previous disgruntled image I had of him. He offered me some tea and I accepted because tea always calmed me down. It was warm and natural feeling and my mother used to make it every time it rained in Arizona and I needed to sit inside and forget about the cold, offending weather. We didn't get rain often, so by default we didn't get tea that often, either. So now I held it up in my mind as a rare treat. One that made me feel connected to the one woman that always accepted and loved me just for who I was, and whom I could return that favor to.

After the tea was served he was a different man again, though. The same one from before, mumbling and fumbling and altogether out of sorts reappeared in little ways. He'd stood up from the desk, asked if the tea was acceptable, accepted my answering nod, then picked up the golden note and walked over to the giant glass doors that opened up into the garden as he read it over and over again.

And here we remain. Him at the window wall with shaking hands and raking eyes. Me with my tea cup held in steady hands masking shaking thoughts.

My tea was nearly drained and I was wondering if perhaps asking for more tea would pull him out of the world of his small note and back to the one where he addressed me. He turned before I had to take any action though, and the gentle way in which he set down the golden paper and then placed himself in his high-backed brown chair on the opposite side of the desk made me think that my turn for his attentions had come.

His pleasant blue connected with me and he smiled. I felt comforted and safe once again. He was like the human embodiment of tea and suddenly I had no desire to ask for more. If only he would hug me and tell me everything would be all right... I'd never need the liquid comfort again.

"Do you like it here?" he asked almost eagerly, a bit of the shake in his demeanor showing.

His left hand reached out to settle on the golden note and something in him stilled again as if he had tried to completely separate himself from it to talk to me but was finding that he couldn't.

"I do."

"I do, too. When we created it I wasn't sure exactly what landscape would be best. Edward's so peculair about the things he likes. Then in one instant it hit me. A forest is where the wild things should always be."

His fingers tapped lightly on the golden paper but I tried to keep my full concentration on him. He was offering so much and (unsurprisingly) creating so many more questions. I didn't want to miss a second of his syllables or the way his whole face calmed when he smiled in the proud way that he was.

"I'm sorry, when you created it? Who? You and Edward?"

"Oh no, goodness, no. Edward wasn't done with his existence in the living world yet. We had to get it ready though. Because Aro had plans. He always has plans. So we got it ready for him. Aro and Esme and I."

Warning red flashed in the space in between us. None of this sounded right but I knew so little. So I had to trust that it was.

"Esme helped you?"

"Yes. And Aro."

At the second mention of Aro his eyes shot to the note and his fingers tapped harder on it's surface. Hungrily, the blue seemed to beg to ravish the words once more. But Carlisle is man of fortitude and he pulled his attention back to my quiet confusion.

"But Edward said that you were waiting for Esme _now_. How was she here when Forks was created if she's not here now?"

"Ah, the Creation was a rather long time in the distant past, I'm afraid. Far beyond any time that you could comprehend. She wasn't actually here for the completion, either, I misspoke slightly. She was mostly a voice of guidance, I'm afraid. No. Aro wouldn't allow her presence to be full. I'd exhausted that luxury by the time we decided on Forks."

His voice was wistful and distant. I watched him look back in time without me, though I longed to go with him. Not only to better understand his words but also because he spoke them with a delicacy and reverence that was attractive.

"So you and Aro mainly created Forks?"

"Hmm. Yes. It wasn't altogether pleasant at the time but we managed to do some great work together. I suppose I'd endure anything for Edward, though. Despite what he may think."

With that comment he smirked at me, making my breath hitch a little bit. Carlisle Cullen was a handsome man and his charm was definitely up to par.

"If I may ask, who is Aro?"

"First off, Isabella-"

"Just Bella, please."

"Ah, yes, Bella. First off, you may ask anything you wish at any time. I am as open to you as I am to any of my other children. I don't have the answer to everything but I will always do my best to offer you what I can."

I nodded at his genuine smile, unable to hid my gratefulness.

"I feel like that with you," I thought out loud, quielty. "I feel like I can come to you with things, like you will help. I guess I trust you? It's odd. For me."

"It's good. _Do_ trust it. I'm here for those sorts of things," he said, another warm smile lighting up his face. "So... _who is Aro_?" he repeated, sighing heavily before continuing. "Aro is, for all intents and purposes, in charge. He decides what will be and what won't. He likes to leave us to our own devices but unfortunately our own devices don't always please him. He's one third of the Volturi Leads, though the other two, Marcus and Caius, are hardly involved in details as much."

"Um, what are the Volturi Leads?" I asked, trying to pick apart all of the things that had confused me in his last few statements.

"Perhaps I should start from the beginning. Aro and his brothers Marcus and Caius make up the Volturi Leads. They have existed well before everything else and will continue existing long after everything perishes. Apparently when you are a being that has no birth nor any death you become bored rather quickly. Their remedy for boredom was to create a world that they could control. An experimentation of sorts. Something to maintain. The best example I could give you is something akin to a garden or an aquarium."

"Their creation was the living world?" I guessed, suprised at how easily the Fork's lingo now rolled off my tongue like cool minty green.

"Exactly. They created the living world and all of the little humans that inhabit it."

His voice turned teasing, nearly mocking even. We shared a small laugh before he continued again.

"So they've made this world, this toy of sorts, and all goes well for a little while. Mind you, a 'little while' in Vulturi time is a very long spanse of time in human terms. But, as most things do, that grew boring, too. You see, they didn't create humans with very much depth. Humans lived with each other, side by side, with nothing much but platonic interaction."

"Platonic? They didn't have feelings?"

"Well, they did. Just not physical, raw, passionate feelings. Nothing worthwhile. They felt hunger and need. They had goals and felt happiness in fulfilling them. They craved company with one another and gathered in groups to celebrate achievements or milestones. But in general they were undriven by feeling."

I sighed, trying to imagine a world where this was reality. Even though I'd come to hold Forks in such high regard, well above the blandness of the living world, I couldn't deny that Earth had it's shining, passionate aspects that made it interesting. My mother, for example.

"That does sound boring. But also safe," I added in once my thoughts switched to the other side of uncontained passion. The side that tore my family apart.

"Bella, you shouldn't speak of safety with such adoration. This world that I'm describing to you, this first version of Earth, it was _nothing_. Incomparable to the living world that we have now. Even if you've been hurt in such a world, you've _lived_ in it, too! People weren't _living _before me. No. No. Before I was sent to save them from their mundane bland existences they weren't quite alive at all."

He spoke with an authoriy that couldn't be denied. The blue of his eyes turned royal and the hand on his precious golden note flattened in a possessive manner. His whole demeanor changed in time with his declaration of being a savior.

"You? You... changed the world?"

A smile lit up his face, bright bursting yellow and mischievious, alluring fuchsia. It was one of the moments in which he looked younger than a father; fresh and ready to take on the world with youthful abandon.

"I did. I did change the world, my dear. And no matter what Aro says, I've done my job properly. His plans for me were masked and inproper in relation to what I am. My plans were flexible and driven by feeling which he failed to realize before he unleashed me."

"What were you sent to do?" I asked, so curious it almost lifted me from my seat in a hungry orange attempt to understand the newest mystery unfolding before me.

"I was sent to be love, Bella. That's what I still _am_ and that's all I ever can be. I may be a somewhat fallen version of myself here, but Aro can never, ever extract what is holding me together. No matter how regretful he is of what my existence became."

His eyes were full of conviction and his fingers were again tapping the tips of themselves on his note. Even through the hardness of his blue stare there was a kindness there and I wanted very much to believe the myth he spun in front of me. But I couldn't really comprehend what he was saying.

"Wait. You were sent to... to _be_ love? Or _to _love?" I asked, wondering if I heard him wrong. Or if he possibly explained himself in the wrong way.

"To _be_ it," he replied with an exciting spark in his eye as he leaned a bit closer to me over the desk,"I am love, Bella. A concept that Aro imagined one day and couldn't resist forming as a human. He needed to make something he could guarentee would shake up his favorite toy. His brothers were done musing over thier creation by the time Aro thought up my life. But he's always been enthralled with humans and their free will, so he added another piece to the puzzle. I am quite the creation, but if you ask him personally he will tell you that his greatest accomplishment is the idea of free will. It is something he is endlessly entertained by, you must understand. He loves it because it's something he can never get a complete grasp on and he adores challenges. You cannot anticipate the outcome of another creature's actions if you are living in a free willed environment. It keeps him guessing. If you have an eternity to learn about things I imagine you run out of things to master fairly quickly, so I can understand his obsession with that which one cannot ever fully comprehend."

"All right. I think I'm following," I replied, simplifying the chaos that was occuring inside of me. "So he created you, love, in human form to exist on earth. Did you always know, um, what you were?"

"Yes, Bella. I've always been aware of what I _am_. I was never a child so I have always been just as you see me now. Children didn't exist before me, actually. How could they? Humans had no concept of sex before me."

"How did they recreate?"

"They didn't. Aro did."

I felt my eyes grow wide as I continued to try and take this all in as fact. I had a handsome, genuine man sitting at the very same, very real cherry wood desk as I was, telling me that he _was_ love and that before him a mysterious man-force named Aro was creating human beings out of clay or something. He held my stare as my thoughts turned and reshaped themselves into these new realities I was being given that made no sense at all.

"Aro just created more humans on a whim? Did he kill them off, too?"

"Oh no, nothing like that. The first humans were sensible. They surely would have noticed if someone in their community went missing out of nowhere. As I said, they _felt _things, just not important, moving things. They reacted to each other and craved company, to an extent. He could have destroyed any or all of them on a whim, but Aro's whim's aren't destructive. I think that's reflected very easily in his creation of me. He did not wipe out all of his first humans and start all over with more exciting versions, did he? No. Instead he created another. A new version with even more free will than the first. I can say what I will about Aro's will, and what I say will not always be positive. But the man is not wasteful. He's a Creator through and through."

"I'm still confused, Carlisle," I admitted with a sigh, my head swimming, "and I don't really understand how Forks fits in to any of this."

"I do apologize. Perhaps I'm getting too caught up in history. I just love it so, you see. The idea that my existence changed the world, gave it love... but I will push forward instead of dwelling. I cannot stand leaving lovely women in distress for very long."

He actually winked at me.

It was playfull, not very suggestive but not completely void of the spell attractive men weave with such gestures.

"My time on earth was short. Much shorter than intended, unfortunately. Aro didn't account for the fact that my free will would be more violent than the human free will he'd been used to. He was excited to see me work. He was excited to see me, love, spread throughout humanity and effecting the lives of every living thing. And _I_ thrilled him! I really did. Those were my glory days, Bella. I wish you could have been there. I wish everyone could have been there. The humans came alive at my touch, they fell to pieces in arousing new ways just to be near me and experience what they'd only heard about my power. Aro was enthralled and proud of me, oh yes. He'd tell me regularly how effective I was. He sang my praises for a wonderful period of time. But, as is life in the living world, things could not remain blissful forever."

"Love failed?" I whispered. I didn't want to insult him but I felt like I knew where this was going. After all, I'd lived on Earth not too long ago and I knew the power of failing love. The end of earth's part of this story didn't feel like a mystery to me.

"Love _never_ fails," he breathed back, offended, looking nearly as ruffled as he did when I first saw him rummaging around his desk. "Love cannot fail. _Humans_ fail! Free will fails. Love has done what it came to do. It's not my fault that it's been twisted and mistrusted and altogether unwound. Love is still there, all around, thriving!"

"Then how do you explain adultery? Murder? Cruelty?"

"Love explains all of those, don't you see? It's all a part of it's _existence_, not it's failure. Before me humans did not murder each other, it's true. They did not leave one another for a better prospect in another human, nor did they act out rashly in harsh, hurtful ways. But they did not create, either. They did crave each other's touch or do acts of kindness just to please the one they cared for. They didn't know how to come together, making their bodies one, expressing love in it's most raw form. Before me there was no sorrow or blame or bitterness but I will never apologize for those things. I cannot. If you did not know what it was like to hurt over something then you would never know what it was like to love it either. Even though all of my products are not gentle they are all fueled by passion. And that's worth it, in the end. _I'm_ worth it."

The hand that was not guarding his cherished note was now fisted into a ball on top of another book he had haphazardly resting on his desk. Blue fire shone across the desk at me, inviting me into understanding his words.

"I understand, I think. I haven't loved very many people in my life but I do believe that who I have loved has been worth whatever pain they wrought. I _do_ believe it's worth it, Carlisle, I promise. I just never saw the connection before."

"Most don't. Luckily for me Aro did. And, as I said, he was happy with my works for a time. He danced around the outter limits of the world, marveling in all of the new entertainment his toy now provided him. I was the only human in existence that knew of his presence so he confided in me often in those days, telling me many stories of what I'd left in my wake. I didn't particularly like hearing the stories of loss and hurt, but I cannot argue that they didn't intrigue me as well. Then, eventually, we ran into a problem."

"You ran out of people to love?"

"No, no. Never. Nearly the opposite, in fact."

He stopped and smiled to himself, the same charming man-smile that I now suspected he birthed.

"Our problem was that Aro made me a man. And only a man. I kept falling in love with women and getting far too distracted to do my duty to the rest of the world."

"Love can fall in love?"

"Of course. What sort of a hypocrite would I be if I couldn't feel the very emotion that I am? Yes, Bella. Love has fallen in love more than any human will ever have the chance to. As love I see people through different eyes. I see them through caring, open, kaleidosope eyes. And each woman was beautiful and alluring and irresistable. I got too involved with each one. Fully engulfed in whichever I was working on at the moment. After a time Aro would have to come along and tear me away from them, begging me to move on and spread myself to another region of the world that still hadn't felt my presence. It became a pattern that he soon grew annoyed with, but I couldn't help it!

So he created my counter. A woman made of the same material as I. A version of me that was completely female. She was supposed to be a woman that had more sense than me, apparently. He threatened me with her existence, telling me that he was done correcting my actions all the time. He tried to make me believe that she would be my replacement if I continued to become distracted with every fascinating human female I came into contact with."

He paused and chuckled a little bit and the sound reminded me somewhat of the sound Edward sometimes made.

"What he did not take into acocunt is that love is not sensible. It's not love's nature. _Sensible_ is what everyone had before I came along. Adding another version of myself threw off the balance even further, though as with me Aro was pleased with his new creation for a time."

"Who is your counter?"

I asked for the detail even though I could have spoken the answer aloud right along with him.

"Esme."

I picked up my tea cup and looked into it, not really wanting to pay it much attention but finding it to be a perfect excuse to divert my eyes from Carlisle's for a brief coupling of moments. I was enthralled with the history lesson he was giving me and also trying to keep my sanity about me.

"Edward mentioned that you are waiting for her now," I said once I felt like I could take a little bit more on.

"As patiently as possible, yes. I'm waiting."

"Have you not met her yet?"

"I have. And this, my dear, is where our beloved Forks starts to come into play.

I have met my Esme. I met her in the living world for the briefest of specs on the timeline that is life. After Aro proposed her existence as a threat to me I wanted next to nothing to do with her. I told him that I didn't care what he did. If he wanted to create more love then who was I to argue? We didn't speak much after that, Aro and I. He was upset at my misbehavior and I was too involved in _living_ to bother trying to make amends with him.

I was in between women when we were brought together, which I know sounds crude, but I assure you my organic behavior is so different from what humans have made it to be. I was traveling to a new region of the world when I met her. Esme. My one, true love."

His voice gave the truth of his statement away. It wrapped around her name and spoke the feeling into the very air. It wasn't a color, it was so much more than that. It was an actual feeling that needed no definition or comparison. I understood their connection from the way his tone released the sound and the way his body relaxed at the memory of their meeting.

"If you belong together then why aren't you? Because of Aro?"

"Aro," he took a deep breath and glanced down at the note sitting beneath his hand,"yes. Aro soon discovered our relationship and grew uninclined to the idea of us together permanently. He thought I was distracted with mere humans. I don't know how he would define the obsession I had with Esme while on earth. We both lost sight of everything else. Our tasks, our purpose. Everything. We'd both touched enough of the world to keep our legacy alive and moving but Aro did not create us to be solitary, still beings. He created us to flow through all of humanity. Once I had her in my possession I wasn't capable of attending to anything but my love for her, though. Humans faded into the blackness that was everything besides her. Aro was an annoying flea crawling across my skin that wanted nothing more than to be attached to hers. I cared for nothing outside of her."

"That sounds destructive."

"It felt devine."

I sat under his gaze and nodded silently as he visibly held himself back from jumping up and growing frantic again. He swallowed hard and then cleared his throat and in a sudden instant I saw Carlisle Cullen for what he truly was. The english gentleman was fighting for control while the Feeling he truly was begged to return to it's purest time.

"Anyway, it had to end in Aro's eyes. So it did. He is in charge, after all," his tone mocked his words. "He took us from earth and carried us here but he would not allow us to be in full contact with each other. Whatever Aro _is_ is beyond even what I am. I don't know his ways, nor do I fully wish to. Somehow he had us apart from the earth and in this new realm. We were with him at the same time, together but separate. I could feel her essence with me but I could not see, touch, or hear her. It was torcher for me but the worst torment was knowing that she felt the same as I: powerless."

A crack in his demeanor ran down his words, causing the smooth timbre to shake slightly. A hand fisted again. But the gentleman was still winning the battle.

"He was pleased with our work and felt that love had made things exciting enough on earth. People were passionate for each other. They were both more violent and more peaceful because of it. He was fascinated. He was practically giddy when recounting tales of births, and deaths, and murders, and artists, and music, and dance, and fist fights, and lies, and tears. He told us that we were responsible for shaping the very first evidence of souls and that we should be proud. Then he went on to explain why our existence together could no longer be tolerated. We were in love 'too perfectly', he explained. The world was now too corrupt for us. Since we _are_ love we had nothing but pure love to give each other. And that wasn't to be allowed in his new, imperfect, exciting world. In his mind we had to be separated to continue our works properly. Separated both from earth and from each other.

To this day I'm still unsure of the exact model of his plan. All I know is that he wished for me to be in the after life."

"Why?"

"To love those who were victim to this new concept: 'death'. The victims of death now needed somewhere for their souls to be after their humans lives ceased. Aro hadn't accounted for souls. He loved the idea of the soul being something that transcended time, eluded death. So he decided to create an after life and he very much wanted love to be a part of that new life as well, since human souls are fragile and would most likely be afraid of leaving the living world that they'd grown so accustomed to."

"That's very thoughtful of him, I guess," I interjected, trying very hard to not hate this powerful being that split love in two, but finding it hard to resist.

"Bella, I can hear the animosity in your voice and I do not wish for it to be there. Not against Aro. Remember, he is an entity that is far beyond what we can understand. He isn't a human and therefore we cannot judge him as such. He will never feel nor act like one."

"I'm sorry Carlisle, but this is all a bit overwhelming. I'm finding it to be a bit disturbing that I've been nothing but a plaything my entire life. I don't know what to do with that. I _am _a human, at least I think I sstill am, and as such I'm going to interpret his actions as offensive. I can't understand it any other way, I just can't."

"For the record, yes, you are still a human, even here. Your soul defines you, not your shell. You have a human soul and now will always be such. You're just a bit more... mystic now, I suppose.

As for your feelings regarding Aro... I cannot offer you much more comfort than this. _I_ do not hate him. He has split me from what's mine and driven me nearly to madness in doing it but I cannot hate him. He created my Esme, most importantly. But he's also seen the beauty of love and allowed it to blossom and flow within every living thing. He's made it the binding in the book of life. Someday he promises that Esme and I will be together again to help the world love better. How can we do such if we haven't experienced love lost? I don't believe we could."

"So you believe your separation to be some sort of lesson he's teaching you?"

"Possibly, yes."

"I guess I can see how that would be helpful. It's just-" I paused, suddenly feeling rather silly for what I was about to say.

My hesitation did not go unnoticed.

"Speak from your heart, Bella. I'm probably the most apt to understand what you pour from it, you know."

"Right. Ok. It's just that... I've only just met Edward, right? I'm not even sure how long I've known him, time seems irrelevant here...," Carlisle nodded at my statement and I felt a tiny victory in getting another simple answer,"well, however long it has been has not been a long time. But I feel for him already and it's so much more than I've ever felt before. The more time I get with him the more irrational I get about not being with him. I don't know what true love feels like, Carlisle. I'm going to guess that you already know the limited amount of love I experienced in the living world, and if you do you'll know it's not much. And it's nowhere near like what I think I may be able to feel for Edward if I stay here and choose him. I mean Forks."

"What are you saying exactly, Bella?" he asked with no real inflection, just a push to clarify.

"I'm saying that if someone were to make the decision for me, even right now after so little time with Edward, I feel like I'd crumble if they made me leave him. It's frightening and new and uncontrolled but I don't want to escape it because it feels so real. So I can't sit here wiht all of these intense feelings for him and understand your rationality about being separated from Esme."

He stared at me and wore a very Rosalie-esque expression. Calculation. He was sizing me up in a way that was far less intimidating than Rosalie's way.

"I like you," he finally concluded. "I was sure that I would but I'm glad to have it confirmed."

"Why am I here?" I asked him in a sudden burst of inspiration. I felt connected to this man now, after understanding more of what he was. It made me thirst for _more_. More understanding of myself and my purpose in relation to whatever all of this was about. It was all so much bigger than I thought.

"To help Edward."

"Why is Edward here? What does he have to do with you and Esme? I thought Forks was for him."

"It is. It's his. He needed a place to exist. Edward isn't a simple human either, Bella. He's much more as well. He came well after myself and Esme in the timeline of the living world but not so much later in Aro's time I suppose. He is like us, an embodiment of an idea."

My traitorous head made a guess what he embodied.

Sex appeal, lust, perfection...

I quickly quelled those red hot thoughts with some of a safer hue and turned to Carlisle for the answer instead of my own bias.

"There are so many things he could be," I commented demurely.

"There is only one thing he truly is. And you can think of it. You are very smart, after all," he said in a way that made me blush with pride. His fatherly side came to life once again and I heard the pride in his voice.

"Thank you. I, um, I've always been very interested in learning. Anything."

"Yes, I know. It makes a lot of sense, actually."

"Why do you say that?"

"Nevermind for now, I'm distracting you. You are supposed to be telling me what exactly our dear Edward is."

I reached into my mind and pulled out my memories of Edward. I had so few but they were all so vidid. It wasn't like looking back into the mind I normally had, one full of old details and new that fogged as I was trying process everything I needed.

It was actually all there very clearly waiting for me to call upon it.

"He's _so much_," I admitted with a small smile, remembering seeing him sitting on the dresser in my room the very first time I opened my eyes. "He's childish and mature, switching between the two instantly and efforlessly. He's beautiful and kind but I've seen traces of danger in him, too. I have a feeling that he can be very frightening if he lets himself. He wants so badly to do the right thing concerning me but I feel like he's always fighting himself and holding back. He won't let himself go, ever. He's _always_ in control, even when it seems he's on the edge of not."

Carlisle nodded along to all of my descriptions of the beautiful, complex boy. He looked pleased with my assessment but I had yet to arrive at a conclusion.

"You are so very close with your control observation."

"Is he... what? Is he control?"

"Not exactly, no. Think, Bella. We _had_ to create Forks for him. He could not exist without it and he has complete control over it. He can do anything he wants here, absolutely no restrictions. What does that give him? It's stronger than control."

"That gives him all of the power, I guess-"

"Yes!"

His eyes lit up and the palm that was resting on the book slammed down once in a satisfying action of confirmation.

"Yes what? Power?"

"Yes!"

"Edward is power?" I sat up a little straighter, placing the idea with the man; fusing them into one thing, "Edward _is_ power."

"Oh, he's such an intersting entity, too! The emotional ride he takes is absolutely riveting, Bella. I'm sure you've experienced a taste of his supreme highs and lows."

"Yes I have. But I've found them to be more frustrating than riveting, I'm afraid."

He laughed merrily at that. The sound was peach and warm and I liked it very much.

"Yes, he's a bit of a handfull at times for all of us. You cannot blame him, though. When power feels threatened it lashes out. If you mix that with human free will..." he pushed air through his lips, indicating that there were no words for such an outcome. "But he's a work of art and I love him very much. Aro really mixed things up by creating him."

This almost became too much for me. The only thing holding me together was my extensive curiosity about all of the new information I had. So many questions plagued me, pulling at my mind and creating a swirl of confusing colors that I could not sort out but desperately wanted to get a hold of. I reached out and grabbed one in my mind; the first I could separate and form into words.

"Why are you in Forks with Edward then? I don't see why he would need anyone else, let alone love."

I offended him, that much was clear the second the words fell from my lips. He sat up straighter.

"Of course he needs me! He was created because of me. People needed something besides love to fight over after Esme and I both left the living world. Power was the answer to that. It may be something separate from me but we are very much related at the same time. After all, love fuels power very often, does it not? Love guides power. It soothes it and lights fire under it. The two can be void of each other if the human will so chooses that tragic path. _We_ do not choose to be without each other, though. Edward and I work very well together. He respects me as any good force of power should. And I him, in turn."

"What about the others," I threw out, continuing to be curious.

"The other family members? Yes, they are all embodiments that have lived a human life and now choose to be here in the after life with Edward and I."

"Oh yeah, the choice," I pushed on, taking lead from Carlisle's explinations,"why is Forks so dependant on the choice?"

"It all comes back to free will. As I've mentioned, Aro is obsessed with it. He refuses to create without it. We must _choose_ to be a unit. And so far, so good, it seems."

"So is everyone that comes through Forks an embodiment, so to speak?"

"No, no. Most are just human souls passing from the living world to their next place in time. Aro dictates much of what happens to them after this. We just make sure they are accepting of their death and comfortable with their place in time before they move on."

"Is that why I'm here? I have the choice to wake up and spend more time on earth or move on to whatever Aro has for me next?" I asked, sadness twinging my voice as I spoke my options.

"Is that really what you think after meeting all of us? Funny, I though Alice and Edward would have made it more clear to you. You belong here, Bella. You are no mere human soul either, my dear. You are definitely more."

His voice was laced with excitement and full of his love. I felt cherished in that moment but I could not fully appreciate it because I was too busy edging away from what he was telling me.

"What are you saying, Carlisle?"

"I'm saying that you are an embodiment of something that Aro created for the world. You are just as Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmet, my dear Esme and myself."

His mirth was still very apparent, if not growing. I was still very much trying to avoid the odd sea-sick green feelings that were churning my stomach.

"_What_ am I?" my voice asked under a sharp breath of anticipation.

"No no one knows for sure yet, but we will find out. Unless you choose to leave first, of course."

"I don't think I could leave before knowing the whole story. Not now. Not after finding out that I... that... oh boy."

His free hand (the one unattached to his beloved golden piece of paper) reached over and grasped one of mine. Physically my skin calmed, his pleasant pastel warmth spread and my cells wanted to feel better. My soul was distrupted, though. And I couldn't feel normal, not ever again.

"You aren't alone in this, Bella. And Aro is visiting soon. He will give you more of what I cannot, since you are his."

"Is he coming to speak to you about your note?" I asked hesitantly, gesturing with my chin to the paper underneath his hand.

"I'm afraid our discussions of this piece of paper have been over for quite some time," he informed me somberly. "He will not discuss it with me any further. No, no. This time he's coming to Forks specifically for _you_."

* * *

**Huge, gigantic, dazzled red apologies from me to all of you for the length of time this update took! Real life + the writing of my other story, Pretendre Desir Amour, both hold me up longer than I would like sometimes :(**

**Please send me your thoughts. I hope you like Carlisle.... It took my imagination a lot of work to sort through this chapter. The next shouldn't be far off. I know there is A LOT left to be discerned and I feel re-connected to this story after opening these new doors. Plus, there's always room for more Edward, right ;)**

**Thank you _so much_ for reading!**

**LOVE YOUS **

**-Car**

**P.S. ****On my profile I've added a space where I will be updating what I am currently working on, in case any readers fear my lack of attention to anything. If you ever want to know what Car should be doing just check there. Then you should know if you are close to another B2T or PDA update, or any other crazy thing I may be spending time doing :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

**_"Now I know_**

**_That I can't make you stay_**

**_But where's your heart?"_**

**_- "Famous Last Words" My Chemical R__omance_**

_"You aren't alone in this, Bella. And Aro is visiting soon. He will give you more of what I cannot, since you are his."_

_"Is he coming to speak to you about your note?" I asked hesitantly, gesturing with my chin to the paper underneath his hand._

_"I'm afraid our discussions of this piece of paper have been over for quite some time," he informed me somberly. "He will not discuss it with me any further. No, no. This time he's coming to Forks specifically for _you_."_

I didn't want to explore what that meant, honestly. I was ready to take a break from all of this, from this new found fantasy based reality. I really wanted to just let my mind be at ease.

I was very certain that wouldn't be happening anytime soon, though.

"I don't suppose you know when he's coming, exactly?" I asked Carlisle.

"No, not exactly. But it will be soon. He surely knows you are here and is dying to meet with you."

"Well, can I read the note?" I asked bodly, gesturing to the gold sheet resting safely underneath his hand.

His eyes turned wild immediately upon my request, his fingers inched inward towards his palm as if he could grasp the air between his skin and the paper.

The set of his mouth remained calm, though, so I sat patiently and waited for this moment to pass. I assumed he would let me see the note. He was letting me in on a lot, after all.

And I was very correct.

It seemed to be reluctantly so, but in a smooth, blue motion he slid his hand from the paper and near whispered and, "Of course you may."

He held it out to me and I carefully took it from him, turning the words to my eyes.

_The two that are one _

_They sift, sift through time_

_Love and loss_

_But Love, always more more_

_Humility, strength, sweetness_

_Endure_

_All is not final_

_A piece is misplaced_

_Only until it's more lost_

_Can you feel her embrace_

"It's a poem," I stated dumbly, brushing my eyes over the words once again.

It was rather pretty. Simple. Certainly sort of abstract.

"It's a clue, or a riddle, or something of the sort," Carlisle sighed, reaching for the note.

He didn't reach far enough to grab it. His gentlemanly hand sat suspended in the air between us and the urgency in his eyes is what prompted me to place it in his hand before I read it for a third time.

With the golden note back in his clutch he brought his hand into his lap. I watched as he spread it across his legs and then set his hand gently upon it.

"What does it mean?" I asked.

It seemed to be the obvious follow up question.

"It's the only thing he will tell me about Esme," he sighed again, "I'm afraid this is the only tangible thing I have regarding her. Aro assures me that we will be together again, and in his own way this is his assurance written down, as if it were a contract."

He briefly looked down at his lap and shook his head in frustration or misunderstanding or just plain sadness. Then his blue eyes rose to mine once again and filled the air between us with hopeful, periwinkle specks.

"I become most obsessed with this piece of paper, as you've unfortunately witnessed. I cannot help it, I'm afraid. Sometimes I get so preoccupied with wanting to see her once again I just... I just loose myself. I go frantic over reading the note, the one thing I have from Aro that is my guarentee of her return to me. Losing it is like losing hope, though I can never _really _lose hope. It's not in my nature."

"And it is in your nature to be..." I paused, unable to accurately described the state I first saw him in just a bit earlier when he was frantic with need of the note.

"Crazy?" he finished for me with a small chuckle. "Very much so, my dear. When I am stimulated by need there is no telling how I will react. It will be drastic, though, most of the time. I have been known to drive even the most well educated, sane, controlled men off the edge of madness. But it's all for the best. Edward, for example, may come out on the other side of all of this a bit more wild than before, but I don't think any of us will see it as a bad change."

This was so interesting, learning about love from Love. He was honest and so kind and everything about him was a mixture of pleasant hue and surprising splashes of color. I wanted to discuss all of it more, but more than anything I really wanted to be next to Edward again because Carlisle had mentioned his name and ruined my concentration on everything else.

I wasn't exactly comfortable with this new, strong urge I felt for Edward, the one that kept seeming to get worse, but I was learning more and more about the new, odd things in Forks and my inability to escape them. So I did what I thought Carlisle would tell me to do and I just embraced it.

"I have a lot of questions for you still, but I think for now I need to just... digest. Do you mind if I go?"

Carlisle smiled kindly and began shaking his head softly.

"Of course not. How could I keep you from Edward against your will? I could not and I would not. Please, go."

He held his hand out towards the door and then set it back down gently in his lap.

"Thank you. It was really nice to meet you. And... well, just thank you for being so honest with me."

"Bella, it's my nature to be bold. I do believe you are beginning to learn that for yourself."

He winked at me again, playfully, charmingly. I smiled warily back, unsure of how to react to such a person, such a force, when it was just being itself so completely.

Love itself was telling me of it's boldness and I was excusing myself from it's abscense to endulge in immense, vibrantly colored feelings I had for a boy that was every definition of bold.

I guess you have to be bold if you are going to fall in love with Power.

Not that anyone said I was falling in love with anyone. That's an absurd thought of a totally different color...

I opened the large wooden door and looked around the hallway as if I knew he wouldn't be far away.

And there he was, leaning against the wall on the right side of the door. His eyes were wild and his hands were drumming against the walls at his sides until the moment our eyes met. Then they stopped.

Everything stopped and it was impossible how relieved I felt to be taking steps closer and closer to him again.

"I missed you," he breathed as I took the final step that landed me right in front of him.

"I know what you are."

I didn't mean for it to be as accusatory as it came out, I really didn't, and I probably should have responded with sweet, meaningful words that matched the one's he'd just given me. But this came out instead.

His face didn't fall and his eyes didn't worry, despite the hardness of my tone. I wondered breifly if Power could feel intimidated. Then I thought that, yes, of course it could, otherwise what reason would it have to act out?

"I know you do," he replied carefully, smoothly in his cool blue tone that held the slightest air of authority. "I heard your whole conversation. But you seem to be ok with what I am so I've stopped worrying over your reaction."

"You were listening in?" I asked, bewildered.

"Don't look at me like that," he scoffed, pushing off of the wall and moving around me as he began to walk down the hallway towards the front of the house, "It's not as if I had my ear pressed against the door. I have more developed ways of gaining information."

I followed behind him, doing my best to match his long strides. He wasn't walking fast enough to loose me but he didn't seem to be inviting me along with his steps, either.

The infuriating boy with the ever-changing moods. That's who I was working to keep up with. To understand. To care for.

"Please, enlighten me," I deadpanned, unamused by his attitude.

He turned to me and tapped one of his fingers against his temple.

"I have it all right in here."

"What does that mean?"

"I can _hear_ everything, silly girl."

"Like supersonic hearing?"

"Like I can hear thoughts. Tones of people's minds. I have access to it all. Well, mostly."

He frownded at me and then turned and continued walking briskly in the direction we'd been traveling. His tone and mood were growing darker and darker as he spoke and I was not understanding why. We were now by the front door, apparently leaving the house, and he was handing me my coat. I could hear harsh wind blowing outside.

He held the door open for me and we entered out into the grey day. I closed the coat around myself and followed him over to the opening in the woods. Blindly following his steps was not a problem for me. Not understanding his upset was.

"So, you read minds?" I pushed.

Of course I already suspected that he could judging from the few incidents he'd answered my unspoken quesitons and thoughts previously. I was uncertain about how it worked, though. Was it only sometimes? Was it only me?

"Yes. Involuntarily, I might add. But I'm used to it now."

"I don't think I like that very much. It feels invasive," I thought outloud, not even particularly saying it for his ears.

He scoffed and glanced icily at me. His eyes were lighter than normal, I thought. Almost a minty-green, but dangerous looking because the color was sharp and devoid of warmth.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about that, I can't hear _you."_

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Wow. That's-"

"It's infuriating. I've broken through once or twice, as I'm sure you've noticed, but it's inconsistent and utterly annoying. I can't figure out what's wrong with you."

I lightly stumbled over a step. This time it was not out of clumsiness. This time it was out of disbelief at his accusation.

"What's wrong with me? Oh, right. Because of course it's not you that has the problem," I laughed bitterly, swiftly becoming unamused with the way his words dropped from his mouth in colors that hurt to see and to feel. This was not a side of him I wanted to know.

"Isabella, are you honestly suggesting that me, what I am, could have the flaw? We aren't even sure what you are yet. It could be nothing. Maybe that's why Aro oulled you from the living world at such a young age. Your concept was a flaw in and of itself."

These words did not feel good to me. This was offensive. This hurt. This was not ever how I wanted to see him act so I reacted against it, fighting for myself and for the way I wished this stroll through the forest was going. He was a stone figure brought to life and walking with me, but not really _with_ me anymore. I hardly recognized this black and slate gray man with the harsh words. I wanted him to be gone so the boy that held my hand and danced with me in tree canopies would come back and allow me to get to know him more.

"Oh, you want to discuss my short time on earth? Fine. I was only there for, what? Twenty years. Well then, what does that say about you? About the others?" I argued, using the only logic I could think of and testing the waters.

How badly could you hurt Power? He had an ego that could be bruised, I knew that. But would that bring him back to his senses or only make this new stanger version of him worse?

"You, Edward, are three years younger than me in human years. So if I was so damn unuseful then what does that say about you? You got even less time than I did before he took you from Earth!"

"I _asked_ to be taken from that world," he fought back instantly, desperately, turning to me and stopping me in our tracks.

The step he took closer to me was intimidating but I did not step back in retreat of it. He wasn't very close anyway, but I could feel his presence swelling around us and into the trees behind me. "I _wanted_ to leave that world. I was miserable and bored. And you'll never understand why so you can keep that question locked tight into the chamber of secrets that is your mind."

I wasn't scared of him in that moment, though I had great reason to be. He was on fire with passionate, angry colors, and he was directing all of them at me. The thing I was most worried about, however, was that he'd answered my unspoken thinkings again, brushing off the question I had just been ready to ask, about why he'd been so miserable and alone and ready to leave the living world.

I just wanted to know why but he was shutting me out.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. I had no idea how it was supposed to be but if our connection and attraction ran so supernaturally deep then I knew things weren't supposed to be like this.

"Why are you talking to me like this all of a sudden?" I asked, unwilling to take his icy, cold colored words any longer and wanting to get down to what was really bothering him.

"What about my speaking to you is offensive? My honesty? Isabella, this isn't really that big of a deal compared to the bombs Carlisle has just dropped on you. You can at least attempt to hold it together around me."

My mouth fell open in suprise and my chest thumped in silent pain. This was enough. He was now directly putting me down, throwing painful red words in my face, and I felt like shredding all of the trees around us at how unfair his mood swing was.

"Excuse me? What's happening to you? I'm just trying to get to know you - I just want to _know_ you, Edward. Or at least I thought I did before you turned into a giant, horrid, mean... ass."

My breathing was heavy and it matched my heart.

This is why you do not un-naturally care for someone so deeply. This is why you hold out, even in the odd after life alternate reality you get thrust into. People hurt you. They turn different colors and become things you don't wish to know.

He wasn't saying anything, just staring into the trees with a scowl. His light green eyes were as foreign to me as his dark words and I hated all of him for not being what I thought he should be.

"I'm leaving," I finally decided, not wanting to stand here and be unfairly ridiculed any longer.

My volume was soft, but sharp, and I brushed passed him as I continued down the path in an effort to physically transfer some of my frustration to him. I wasn't willing to admit that maybe my body needed a goodbye to him as well, and that my hand or finger would have reached out itself to brush against him once more had I not consciously done it myself.

I walked with a fast pace and grew angrier and angrier with every step when I didn't hear him chasing after me.

This was a world of death, though. Not a movie.

I was pushing tears back into my skin when the last person I expected to see appeared before me.

"We've all delt with him before when he gets like this, you know."

I continued walking past Rosalie, surprised and slightly annoyed at her sudden appearance. Apprehension was mixed in there too.

She did chase after me, and in just a few seconds I had her as a tall, beautiful, intimidating walking companion.

"I do not like him like that," I growled.

"Well this may surprise you, but no one does."

"Why are you here?" I asked in response to her sarcasm. Apparenly anger made me bold and gave me a short fuse.

"Honestly? Alice sent me. The boys are out doing who knows what and she won the game of rock, paper, scissors we played to decide who got to yell at Edward."

I rolled my eyes at this information but said nothing. I didn't want to be babysat like they sometimes seemed to do to Edward. I was not a hard headed child that couldn't control my ego trips.

"Besides," she continued casually when my response remained unvocal. "You have no idea how to get back to your little bungalo."

I fumed dark purple, angry steam. She was right. I did need to be babysat.

"Right. Well, thanks."

The rest of our walk was slient and it was probably because of me and my need to just get in my room and figure out how to get out of here.

I didn't want to do this. I did not want to live here and be confused and overwhelmed all the time. I wanted to go back to_ life _where I knew nothing of Aro or his creations or what they were or what they could make me feel.

"Do you think, when I wake up, it will be like The Wizard of Oz?" I asked out of nowhere as we approached my door.

She opened it for me and looked at me like I was very crazy.

"I do not know what you are talking about."

"The Wizard of Oz? Dorothy? She gets caught in the tornado in her farm house in Kansas and ends up in Oz and all she wants to do is go home. The Wizard of Oz."

I could see that none of this was getting through to her. Her royal purple eyes were stunning, and still disconcerning to look at, and they were definitely judging me.

"Anyway," I continued as I sat on the bed and looked around to avoid her stare, "in that story, when Dorothy does get home to Kansas she wakes up and all of her friends and family convince her that everything she thinks happened to her in Oz was all just a dream. She remembers everything clearly, all of her feelings and experiences, but she gets to go back living her normal, simple life in Kansas. Do you think that's what it will be like?"

"I don't understand. Why would she go back to Kansas? Emmett dragged me there once for one of his football game visits. Some of the hills were pretty for Earth standard, but most of it was horrid."

"Rosalie, you're sort of missing the point," I said, letting just the tiniest bit of annoyance seep into my tone.

"Well I don't understand why we are discussing this at all, honestly, Isabella, so if you could make that more clear to me then perhaps I could accommodate your needs at a faster pace."

Great. I'd pissed her off. That much was clear. There was no going back now, though, and I did not have any real reason to be scared of her, so I sucked in a brave breath and continued talking to her.

"I'm leaving Forks and I'm wondering if, when I wake up from my coma, I'll remember my time here. I cannot decide if it would be better or worse for me to forget everything. Every_one_."

"But you aren't leaving."

I stilled and we both stared at each other. Purple beat steadily into brown but I wasn't trying to communicate a resistance with my eyes, just confusion.

"I am-"

"No, you aren't."

"Rosalie, it's my decision and I don't want to stay after fighting with Edward."

"So this absurdity is all over some silly fight?"

"No, it's over the fact that I don't like who he is if that's how he can be. And, let's face it, so much of my wanting to be here had to do with him-"

"If that's really how you're going to think of it then perhaps you _should_ go," she announced, standing from where she'd perched on the bed.

"Rosalie!"

Alice's small form snapped into the room, surprising both of us even though only I jumped.

"Alice, just in time," Rosalie drawled, sounding bored all of a sudden.

"Hey Bella, I need to talk to Rosalie. Alone. Is that all right?" the tiny woman asked me, trickling her pink and yellow happy tone around the room, though it was just a waste in my decided, sad state.

"Of course."

Rosalie looked very much like she didn't want to leave my presence, like she wanted to stay and burn her purple convinction into me, but she followed Alice out the door anyway.

And then I was alone.

I was a lone for many hours after that. I could not tell you how many. I do not think things like that are very relevant in Forks.

Time passed. I tried on some of the clothes in my closet, sad that I most likely couldn't take them with me.

I sat and wondered who I needed to talk to about leaving.

Carlisle, I suppose. Then I wondered if Aro would be there and if I would get to meet him before I went back to the living world.

I ignored the loud, furious thunder outside and disregarded what, and whom, it was reflecting.

Let him storm.

I wrote in a journal I found in one of the dresser drawers and traced the wooden vine along the top of it with my finger, right along the same line Edward had traced it when he very first appeared to me in my room.

I laid in the bed and cried at the way Edward had the ability to hurt me so much and then I got angry at myself for crying over a foolish boy that I knew next to nothing about so I sat up and stopped crying.

I got up and found a book on the bookshelf then sat and read and just enjoyed being in solitude in my Forks room for a little longer.

I trusted this world enough to provide me with what to do next. So I waited and thought and thought and pushed away every unhappy feeling that invaded me when I thought about leaving every pleasant thing I'd found here.

"It's only been a short while that you've been here, you don't know enough about it to really need any of it," I reminded myself between pages, hoping to bring my sanity back into my body.

I could not be so sad about leaving. I hadn't even been here that long at all.

The day grew dark in a natural, night-time way. Not an angry, upset Edward way, though the storm never had ceased.

A loud crack in the sky turned my attention from the book to the window. Immediately after it ended a loud slam of my door drew my attention from the window to the doorway.

There he stood, untouched by the rain that I could now hear hitting the roof and beautiful in his distress.

"Can I come in," he asked in a dead tone.

"You're already in," I pointed out, not moving from where I was lying on the bed, not moving the book from my hands, not moving my eyes from his face.

"Can you come to me?"

Something filled his tone this time. Need, or want, or something of the same color.

I thought for a moment, unmoving. Then I closed my book and set it carefully on my bed. I swung my legs over the side and stood up slowly. I took a few steps towards him and stopped a safe distance away.

I couldn't say no to him still but I could act carefully and deliberately. I could send a message with my actions, even it if wasn't a clear, neon, "no".

"Why are you here?" I asked softly, crossing my arms.

"I wanted to see you. I missed you," he said, unashamed and unapologetic. As if we'd parted ways amicably the last time we were together.

"Edward, I'm still angry."

"I know. I am, too. There's just so much you can't understand-"

"So explain it to me."

"I tried before but you stormed off."

Unbelievable.

"You've got to be kidding me. Explain it to me without being a jerk," I clarified with a glare, so angry that he was bringing this, himself, back into my existence as this ugly, mean person.

He lifted his hands to his face and groaned, surprising me. The sound was sad and low. When he lifted his gaze he sighed and visibly calmed himself.

"You just left me in the forest earlier," he stated in a fallen voice.

"I didn't want to be around you anymore," I explained in a tone that told him I didn't believe my actions really needed explaining, "All I want to know is why discussing your ability to read minds was turning you into a clipped, hard version of yourself. I had to get away from you! I couldn't understand where you had gone and why you had been replaced with this boy that I don't like at all. Or maybe that, this, _is_ you. I mean, it could be. I don't know you that well-"

Before I had time to finish my rant he stopped me by backing me up against the wall, trapping me with his arms. It wasn't forcefull or frightening, just sudden and faster than any human movement, and surprising. His face was serious and his posture was stiff. His eyes looked as frantic as the swirling clouds that I could see just past his head through the still open doorway.

"I can't hear you," he said softly yet intensly.

"But you've been responding to me..."

He chuckled bitterly to himself and lifted a hand to his hair and pulled at it while closing his eyes for a brief second.

"No. No. That's not what I mean. Your thoughts, your mind, it's all silent to me. I've never encountered that before. It's frustrating, to say the very least."

"I know what you meant. But you've answered a few of my thoughts since I've been here, so how can I be silent to you?"

"Those have only been moments. Glimpses. That's basically nothing to me. I'm so used to knowing everything."

His voice sounded desperate, as if he really needed me to understand or he really needed to stop wanting to hear my thoughts. His arm was back on the other side of me, his chest close to mine, rising and falling in the same heavy time.

"Oh. I'm sorry you can't hear me all the time?" I tried to offer, unsure how to respond to such a tone of frustration over something I couldn't control.

"You don't sound very sorry."

"Well, I'm not really. I mean, it's nice to have privacy. But I don't like that it makes you so upset, if that helps."

"Hmm."

The small, affirmative grunt was the only verbal response I got. His head dropped to his chest as his eyes fell to the ground. I could feel that the odd, angry tantrum he'd just been throwing for however long he'd been throwing it now was quickly subsiding.

It wasn't hard to see that a lot more than I could understand was going on here. But he was calming, and that was good, so I didn't push any further. I just wanted to end it. The wind from outside wasn't as harsh against my cheeks and the clouds were easing their swirling even though they still hung thick and dark in the night sky.

And all I wanted so badly was to fix him, to make the sun come out.

But no matter _what_ I was going to end up being, I didn't think I was Edward's cure. Not all by myself.

I settled for running a hand through his hair.

Over and over again I replayed the motion until his fingers uncurled themselves from fists and laid flat, smooth against the skin of the wall on either side of me.

Slowly he leaned forward, bringing his eyes up to meet mine as he moved closer into me.

Violent red sparks fought each other in the air before us, but they were too wild for this moment so they were ignored mostly by both of us.

Edward's mint breath blew them out of the way as his face came down to rest in my neck and his arms curled around me.

"I feel like a mess," he whispered into my skin.

"Why?" I asked, hoping he just understood that I was right there with him.

"Isn't it obvious? I'm very much out of control when it comes to you. It's uncomfortable to me and dangerous to my world. Because of what I am... I just don't feel like myself. And I'm very sorry for how I've been acting. I hate that I've hurt you. You just frustrate me so... I want to crawl out of my skin with need to know all of you."

The intensity of his words and voice and look almost melted my knees. I have no idea what kept me standing but I was back where I had wanted to be all day, trapped in his magic, loaded phrases of our attraction.

"I was very hurt," I admitted, knowing that the apology was more than necessary even though I'd already forgiven him because I'm Bella and he's Edward and we were together.

"I won't act like that again. I can't. Not when I thought I was going to loose you."

"I made the decision to leave already," I gasped, just realizing that I'd said it out loud a few times since our fight.

His eyes closed and his mouth set in an uncomfortable, upset line.

"Fortunately, that doesn't count. The decision must be made during a certain time, not anytime at will. Aro will know more about your time."

"Oh. Ok. Good," I said, relieved and feeling absurd for changing my mind back and forth so swiftly.

"I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you never utter those words again, though," he declared in a low voice, directly into my ear as his face pushed closer to my skin. "I don't want to know who I would be if you had been able to leave. I'm such a wreck with you here."

"I understand," I assured him, turning my head slightly into his, causing his soft hair to brush against my lips as I spoke. "Believe me, Edward, I'm falling apart, too, every second. Aside from all of the drastic, uncontrolled things I feel for you, I don't really know how to deal with how hard it is to soak up everything I'm being told about my existence. It's very hard to keep a grip on reality here. I don't even feel real."

"I know. I know," he said a bit more loudly than before, tightening his hold on me,"but you feel very real to me. That can ground you."

"Not if you are floating around in tiny, messed up pieces, too, silly boy," I teased quietly.

I was rewarded with a soft laugh from him followed by yet another long sigh.

"I don't know how to feel about all of this," I admitted when he just continued to hold me silently.

"About what you are?"

"Yes, all of it. I don't even know what I am, yet. I know that I'm more than I thought I was. I know that I'm an embodiment of... something else. I know that I'm Aro's-"

His head snapped up from being burried in my skin and his green eyes burned Jade accusations into me. At least they were dark again. More like him.

"You are mine."

"Edward-"

"I nearly knocked the door down earlier when I heard what Carlisle was thinking and explaining to you in his study. Aro may have created you, but it was _for_ me. I'm certain of it. And now you are here, in _my_ world-"

"Edward," I tried again, stopping his rant successfully this time by placing my hand on his cheek. "It's ok. I'm am here now, and I'm with you, and I'm sure Aro won't mind that whenever he gets here. Carlisle's statement was just a form of explanation about where I came from."

"That's not the point," he growled, turning his eyes away from me, down the floor just to the right of our feet.

"Then what is?" I asked, holding back a smile at the petulant boy that was seeping through the strong man before me.

"I told you, I'm not in control when it comes to you. And I feel possessive, which I've also already disclosed to you, so I will not apologize for my behavior. Aro made me this way, and I'm not changing anytime soon, and you are going to have to stop me if I'm scaring you away with how explosive I'm being all the time about everything because apparently that's the mode I'm stuck in now."

"It's overwhelming, but it's not frightening. I feel some of that, too," I sort of laughed.

"Good. That's good to know because you seem to hold it in a lot better than I do. For example, I want to kiss you, all the time, but I don't because we can never go back from that. I can never ever go back from that so I feel like it's a rather large move to make."

My stomach dropped to the ground with a deep red thud that I was sure he could hear too.

Just hearing the word "kiss" fall from his lips sent shivers down my spine. Down down down in wonderful sprinkling sparkles they traveled, and I couldn't help but smile and fluster.

"Uh, well, it _would_ mean a lot, I think, yes..."

He leaned his head in closer to me, surprising me with his close proximity that was only matched by the close restraint in his eyes.

"We don't do things lightly here, as you've now fully witnessed. Especially me. I can not do anything lightly. It's not my nature, it's not what I'm about. So kissing you would _not_ mean _a lot_, Isabella. Kissing you would mean everything and I just cannot do it while there may be a possibility of you leaving."

My head started shaking before I even realized I was responding to him. My body had gotten ahead of my mouth. My instincts were leaping out in front of my verbal reactions.

"I'm not leaving," I whispered in a way that I hoped was convincing despite it's quietness.

I pushed up on my toes and didn't think.

Before I could be nervous or afraid my lips were pressed against his and everything was good.

His arms tightened even further in surprise before relaxing into pleasure around me. His lips were warm and soft and nothing like I'd imagined a boy to feel like.

He slowly moved his mouth against mine, taking control and keeping everything gentle, slow, and convincing.

Nothing was more real than this.

He pulled away and smiled at me, a large, devilish, satisfied smile that was every color he'd ever possessed.

"No, I don't think you are," he concluded after searching back and forth, back and forth, between my eyes with his.

* * *

**I cannot even tell you how hard it was to not update this story for however absurdly long it's been since I've updated. **

**I can apologize, but it was not really my fault. You see, I couldn't find inspiration within in me, and if you read my other stories you've heard this all before, but I had to find it again in a new one. **

**So I have another story going now. It's called The Tower of the Sky and I rather enjoy writing it. Plus, it gave me back my motivation for this story and PDA. **

**I cannot guarentee the swiftness of updates because real life is busy, but I promise, promise, promise you that I will never abandon anything I write. **

**You are all lovely for returning to B2T. Please let me know what's going on in your pretty little heads :)**

**Thank you _so much_ for reading!**

**LOVE YOUS **

**-Car**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

**_"Well I said hey, hey hallelujah_**

**_I'm gunna come on sing the praise_**

**_And let the spirit come on through ya_**

**_We got innocence for days!"_**

**_- "House of Wolves" My Chemical R__omance_**

_I pushed up on my toes and didn't think._

_Before I could be nervous or afraid my lips were pressed against his and everything was good._

_His arms tightened even further in surprise before relaxing into pleasure around me. His lips were warm and soft and nothing like I'd imagined a boy to feel like._

_He slowly moved his mouth against mine, taking control and keeping everything gentle, slow, and convincing._

_Nothing was more real than this._

_He pulled away and smiled at me, a large, devilish, satisfied smile that was every color he'd ever possessed._

_"No, I don't think you are," he concluded after searching back and forth, back and forth, between my eyes with his..._

Now I know of something that I did not know of before.

I know of one thing that is very, very dark colored and cold feeling, and that is pulling my lips away from Edward's.

It's not at all what I wanted to be doing after he leaned down and captured my lips once again, but despite my knowledge of Forks being the afterlife (a place where I was more or less dead to the living world) I found that I still needed to breathe in order to keep my lungs from exploding.

I sucked in a large, crisp blue refreshing breath and sighed when his lips found my jawline.

If I hadn't already known I was in a coma then I would have been positive that I was going to pass out.

"Say it again," he mumbled against my skin as his hands squeezed my hips sharply just once.

"Say what?" I breathed and laughed at the same time.

"That you're not leaving. Say it _again_," he demanded.

His voice was low and forcefull and I couldn't believe how very much I loved it that way. It fell in dark green tones around us and I felt my breathing pick up just from that one moment.

"I'm not leaving," I said firmly as his lips found my neck.

"Again."

"I'm not leaving, Edward."

"You're not leaving me."

"No, I'm not."

"Not _ever_, Isabella," he encouraged, still in the dark tone.

"Call me Bella," I requested, finally comfortable with him using the more intimate version of my name, the one I asked people to use when I wanted them to feel familiar and near to me.

"Not ever, _Bella,_" he sighed right into my mouth as his lips returned there hastily, making my name sound more soulful than I could have imagined.

The only thing I could do was nod and push my hands through his hair.

His desperation for me was flattering, if not a little off putting at the same time. It felt like now that he was expressing himself to me physically he wasn't able to reign in what he'd been feeling emotionally any longer. Every touch up until now, every interaction I'd had with him had been controlled on his part. Sure, a few times he'd been walking a fine, red line between control and explosiveness, but control had always won. Now, though, his words and his grasp on my body were needy. Not in an unattractive way, but new to me.

I felt so connected to him and so disconnected from myself, from the self that I thought I was. His colorful touches and heavy words clouded my mind, making me believe that I could be and was something else, something_ more_ that was meant to be here in Forks, just like Carlisle said. But doubt was still planted in my mind and still plaguing me.

"Do you really think I'm nothing?" I asked him in a small voice as my thoughts drifted back to the argument we had earlier.

"What?" he asked distractedly as his lips pressed against mine again.

It felt good, yes, but I was feeling a lot of other things as well - confusion and expectation and general overwhelm - so I could not stay centered on how very much his soft lips were touching me.

Edward actually growled at me when I turned my face away from his.

"Where are you going, silly girl?" he asked softly, blowing puffs of hot air onto my neck.

"I can't concentrate right now, I'm sorry. I just really want to know if you think that I'm nothing."

He stilled and pulled away from me slightly. He squeezed my hips again and his eyes grew dark and concerned.

"I think that you are everything, Bella. I told you that. When I first saught you out after Alice flooded me with visions of you, even then I knew you'd be everything..."

He trailed off and looked almost helpless, at least as helpless as I thought he could ever look. I smiled and shook my head a little bit.

"I know, and thank you for that overwhelming compliment, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about what I _am_. You know, you're Power, and Carlisle is Love, and I don't know what the others are but I'm sure they're all signifigant. You said earlier that I might be nothing. Do you think that's possible? That it's why Aro pulled me from the living world so early?"

I watched as something unpleasant filled his eyes. This time his grip on my hips wasn't a sudden squeeze, but rather a red-hot choke hold, as if he were trying to erase the particles between his hands and my bones.

"I was being an absolute ass earlier and I cannot apologize enough for that. Please forget that I ever said those things to you. When I loose my temper, I just... I don't think. You are something truly amazing, I'm sure of it. How could you not be? You were made for _me_, after all."

"You keep saying that, and it's flattering, sort of, but I'm not sure that it's entirely true, Edward-"

"It _is_ true. You're mine."

I paused before my next retort came pouring out of my mouth. I didn't want to offend him or send him into a fit about what my exact thoughts were about his obvious want to proclaim ownership of me, but I couldn't continue to let that want control his actions and emotions like this, either. I took a breath and settled down before pealing his hands off of my hips and curling my fingers in the spaces between his.

His eyes were still lit with emerald fire and his lips were still a very kissable hue. I forced myself to speak instead of just agreeing to be his property and pulling a few more kisses out of him.

I wanted at least part of our relationship here in this fantasy world to resemble something normal, and that meant communicating.

"I have no problem being 'yours', I truly don't, but you have to stop saying it like you own me, Edward. I appreciate that because of our intense connection to each other you think I'll have to embody something important since what_ you _are is so... so..."

"Powerfull?"

He was smirking as he said it and the little devil that liked to play in the spanse of his lips was back, skipping through the attractive colors on his skin. I liked that part of him a bit too much to be truly annoyed by it, but I managed to huff at him just for good measure.

"Well, yes, powerfull. I guess I'm just trying to say that you have to let go of me a little bit if this is going to work out. I want to belong to you, to your heart, but I don't want to be _owned_ by you. Does that make sense?"

He was calculating my works with a careful look and a slight frown that I could barely identify. A bit of deception flashed across his features but I was beginning to notice that that certain feature was always there, always a part of him, I suppose because of what he was. He couldn't give control over easily unless he figured that he would benefit from it more than he would be hurt by it, so there was always a part of him that needed to deceive and take back what others requested.

I hoped in this moment, though, that he would find more benefit in giving me what I was asking of him. It's true that I hadn't ever embarked on a romantic relationship before, but I knew how these things were supposed to work. I needed to not be a piece of property or a trophy. I needed to be an equal.

"I understand what you are saying," he finally concluded with a nod of his head. "I definitely do not want you to feel like I don't respect you. I do. You're strong and beautiful and I do not know _what_ you are yet, but I know it's going to be inspiring. And, even though I do believe you are made for me, and me alone, I believe so strongly that what you are is going to be something amazing because I don't believe that you could be anything short of that, with or without me as a part of your destiny."

I liked these words of his very much. The were still riddled in colors unique to him: gold and ruby and forest green, but they were soft and falling lightly into the air around us and full of a affection I hadn't yet heard come from him.

He leaned into me and pressed his forehead against mine as he brought our hands around his back in an effort to pull me closer to him.

"Besides," he continued,"you own me just as much as I long to own you. You really, truly, already do. I've not been myself ever since I saw you in Alice's visions. Or I only then started truly being myself. I'm not sure."

We both laughed silently at that but the comedy very swiftly fled us and was replaced with something richer, something much more tense.

I lifted my chin and kissed him again, softly at first, just to be sweet.

He cleared the sweetness away with one moan and after his mouth opened to mine we went on painting part of the day away with passionate colors.

**oOo**

That evening Edward took me back to the house for quality time with the family.

We walked hand in hand blissfully through the forest along the large dirt path I was growing to love more and more. I still couldn't weave my way through it without assistance, there were too many turn offs I wasn't familiar with, but I didn't feel apprehensive about traveling on it anymore because it felt more familiar.

But the best part about the walk was not the familiarity of the path, or the green in the trees, or the even the feel of Edward's hand firmly in mine. It wasn't the way he'd stop every few steps to kiss me, though each and every one of those kisses did compete rather heartily for "best part of all of my experiences alive or after life". All of those things were very nice, very surreal and pleasant, but they were not, any of them, the best thing about our walk back to the Cullen's house.

The best thing about my walk with Edward was that the sun was out.

Bright and brilliant and happy.

The second we'd stepped outside of my little bungalo and into the bright rays I'd lost it (in a good way) and Edward had very cooly pulled out a pair of Ray-ban sunglasses and slid them onto his face with a very pleased yet almost sinful smile.

He was happy. Truly, sunshine worthy, happy. And it looked good on him.

We walked for what I felt was about half the distance to the house before I started to feel the urge for more information pulsing through me once again.

"Edward, can I ask you what all of your siblings are? Or is that a personal thing I should ask them directly?"

"I don't think they would mind me telling you," he said confidently, if not a little slowly as if he were testing the statement as he said it, making sure he himself could honestly back up his words. "None of them are anything scandelous, after all."

He smirked and I laughed.

"You mean Alice isn't Lust and Jasper isn't Murder?"

"Unfortunately, no, though both of them have experienced both, oddly enough. You'll have to ask Jasper about the murder, that definitley isn't my story to tell."

"I would like to hear that story, I think. I'm just so curious about what everyone is, but I'm not sure how comfortable I am around all of them yet."

"That's silly. You should be very comfortable around them soon enough. They all love you already."

"I really don't think that Rosalie loves me and I heard what you and Alice mentioned about her being apprehensive, or something, about my arrival here."

My fingers twitched nervously in his grasp. When Rosalie had babysat me after mine and Edward's fight she was nothing but cordial to me, if not a little hard, so there really wasn't any indication that she disliked me. It was that hardness, though, that separated her from all of the others. They had all shared moments with me already. Moments that I felt were warm and inviting. Moments that could lead to a nice relationship. She had yet to pull me into one of those moments with her and I couldn't understand why, but I also couldn't reason why not. I was virtually still a stranger to her, after all. She wasn't under any obligation to run to me with open arms.

"Rosalie is of a different breed, please understand that. She does not trust easily and she is not typically a warm person. She is loyal and full of love, though. She's my sister and my friend, and someday you'll see that side of her. Hopefully soon."

I nodded my head and sighed a little bit. He was skirting around exactly why Rosalie wasn't open to the idea of me, I could tell, but I didn't want to pry because it wasn't a situation that was all bad, just uncomfortable. I trusted what he said about her coming to see me as part of the family and decided to move on to the original question that I had.

"So... what is everyone? And why are they all so young, like us? Did Aro get tired of their influence? Did they meet each other and upset him just like Carlisle and Esme?" I asked, my words growing more and more empassioned as I spoke because I couldn't help but throw in a little lining of orange fury when I thought of Aro separating Carlisle from his literal other half.

"No, it's nothing like that. Settle down," he chuckled at me, rubbing circles in to my palm with his thumb before lifting my hand up to his mouth and kissing the same exact spot he'd just soothed with the pad of his finger. "Carlisle was the first embodiment, we'll call it, that Aro created. Esme was the second. This you already know. They were his first experimentation with this concept he had of turning an abstract idea into a human and unleashing it in that form to influence the world, so they got to stay the longest because he was still enthralled with watching them spread what they were. The rest of us are after thoughts, almost. We are inklings of entertaining experiments that Aro drempt up, sort of just to see how we would make the people in the living world react now that they had texture to their personalities."

"So Aro didn't leave any of you - any of _us_, I mean, on Earth for as long as Carlisle and Esme because he already knew what was going to happen?"

"No, he's still obsessed with free will, remember that. That's why he designs us to be human as well as whatever embodiment we are. It's actually quite the opposite of him forseeing how we will act and teach others. In reality he probably let us all stay longer than he originally planned because he enjoyed seeing the change we made in the normal humans more than he thought he would. When it comes to the humans he is very easily entertained. Until he gets bored."

"Oh. I guess it just seems pointless to me since Aro is eternal, isn't he? I mean, to an entity that will be around forever isn't your seventeen years, or my twenty, just a spec of dust in time?"

Edward peered down at me ran a hand through his hair before he spoke again. I reached up on my toes and kissed him briefly, just because I could.

"Your observation of Aro's value of time is correct," he sighed as our lips fell apart and a lazy smile took over his face. "Still, he created Earth so he understands how it's occupants view time and he's sensitive to that. Plus, after Love had come and gone and changed the humans for better and for worse the rest of us didn't have to do much but emphasize what we were rather than introducing it. Love spawned new life in the world... with that came almost every other emotion and reaction and desire."

"So the rest of you - the rest of _us_, sorry, are just things that Aro wanted to deepen in the, uh, normal humans?"

It still felt odd to speak of other people in that way. The term "normal humans" felt beige and awkward tumbling out of my mouth because I still saw myself as something normal, no matter who or what's hand I was currently holding.

"That's pretty much the jist of it, yes. Aro didn't need to plant any of us down for a long amount of time because we were already forming in the lives of everyone thanks to Carlisle and Esme's influence. So, now that you have backstory, here's the inventory of the family..."

His hand released itself from mine and he draped his arm around my shoulders, bringing our sides together as we strolled along. The gesture was comfortable and natural and perfect and I found myself relaxing into him as the smooth tones of his voice carried into the forest around us.

"Alice, our little sprite, is Youth. We believe that it's why she's reamined so small, even though she is full grown," I found a hint of playfullness in his tone and thought that maybe his last statement, while perhaps founded in truth, was just a bit of a light colored joke as well. "A lot of what comes with her is some shade or another of happiness, because pure Youth is untouched by the troubles of the world and holds on to mirth far easier than anything more grown up. You will find Alice to be far more excitable than anyone else you've ever known or ever will know. It's refreshing and annoying all in one second at times, and it's just what she is. Aro gave her to Earth after people became too serious and downtrodden with the more undesireable effects of Love. He created her to remind everyone of the innocence and hopefulness that Youth exudes so that they all, even in adulthood, could re-embrace those values as well.

Jasper was a much more broad experiment than Alice. He is Vulnerability. He was basically created to show the human race how to reconnect with one another. Love had brought on so much ungliness into the world as an unfortunate side effect of it's power so Aro decided to throw Jasper in the middle of it all to be the one person who could show understanding and compassion to all of the hurting, suddenly harsh people. He brought openness back to a people who'd turned to closing themselves off to each other in an effort not to get hurt any more. Their hearts were too hard and Aro coudln't stand it. Anyway, Jasper is very unique and very sensitive because he can literally feel everything that the people around him can feel."

I breathed a small, "wow" under my breath that I'm sure Edward could hear because he paused in his speech and allowed me a moment to digest this information. It was all just so very, very interesting when I remembered that not too long ago, I'd believed such a boring, bland history of the world.

"Emmett is not as deep, I'm afraid," he began again in a more playfull tone. "He's simply Strength. We're not entirely sure why Aro made him, honestly. All Emmett will concede to us is that men needed to be more manly. I doubt that Aro was that actually concerned with the manliness of mankind but the reasoning behind all of us is only told to us by Aro and it's our choice to share it or not. Emmett's explanation of himself is all we have to go by, and that's all he will give us. As you get to know him more you'll swear he's the other half of Alice's Youth, but that is merely the human nature he took on. He is rare because he is a physical ideal embodied to be an example, rather than an emotional element like the rest of us. He is the only one of that kind that Aro has ever created.

This brings us to Rosalie. Rosalie is different from the rest of us because she was the only one not designed to make man kind better. She was one of Aro's more... let's just say immoral experiments with the humans. Rosalie is Vanity and she spread like wildfire through the world."

I gasped a little bit, just to myself, just in my head. Out loud I contained my surprise at this revelation and tried to converse as if I wasn't so offended that Aro would unleashing something so ugly on the world.

"I don't understand why vanity would need to be emphasized. It seems as if Love's bad side effects had spread enough and corrupted the Earth already."

"It's complicated, I suppose. It's true that jealousy and greed were driving a lot of the humans to turn to more distasteful ways of dealing with each other, mostly do to the influence of Love. Vanity had not yet shown up as a vital part of human nature, though, as I'm told. Aro decided to throw it in, in the form a human who was so beautiful she actually deserved to be vain about it. He created her specifically to be the perfect example of what she is. As I understand it, he was looking for something else to drive the humans to their more interesting, conflictive behaviors. With Love around they turned on each other in the name of someone they desired, they were driven by all of their needs for someone _else_. All of the conflict between humans was motivated by seemingly selfless passion and Aro wanted to see what the conflict would be like it they started turning on each other with selfish, arrogant motivations. Again, no one knows how Aro works exactly, and why the idea of watching them fight for themselves intrigued him so, but we do know that Rosalie's work pleased him for a while."

I felt a little bit disgusted. I did not want to believe that the man - the being - that controlled all of this was as inconsiderate as this made him seem. I remembered what Carlisle had pleaded with me to understand about Aro and tried to focus on that so I didn't have an unnecessary outburst. I reminded myself that he was different than anything human, so we could not understand his reasons entirely. He was not made of the same wants and needs as we were so he could not understand fully how his decisions looked to us.

"What do you mean by 'pleased him for a while'?" I asked, doing my best not to sound hostile, just interested.

"Aro didn't account for Rosalie's human nature to play such a big part in who she was. When Aro creates us as humans, we stop become just a _what_. Does that make sense? Sometimes _who_ we become overpowers_ what _we are."

"Like Carlisle and Esme, kind of? He didn't anticipate them connecting with each other so deeply according to Carlisle."

"Exactly like that. Just as Aro couldn't forsee the two forces of Love connecting so deeply because of their human free will and motivations, he didn't know about the human side of Rosalie, either. He didn't know until she was fully created and already at work that she had a huge heart. And that's what makes her so damn interesting. You see, Rosalie is sort of always at battle with herself. Her who is just as strong as her what. She is Vanity, and please don't misunderstand what I'm saying, it shows that she is Vanity. She is _very_ good at being what she is. It's unpleasant at times, and utterly unattractive in my opinion, but it's almost always balanced out in some way, given some time, by who her human nature dictates her to be. That side of her wants to love and encourage others. It doesn't want to be as indepenent as the element of what she is demands her to be."

"Wow. Did that make Aro angry while she was on Earth?" I inquired, imagining this giant being in the sky, thumping his fists on clouds because he was disappointed in his creation.

"Not at all. Remember, Bella, it all comes back to Aro's fascination with free will. That's why he's always made us all human. He wanted to see if we would unfold in the ways he thought we would. If, and in most cases when, we haven't he has simply been more entertained by the repercussions. He loves us all, really, for being exactly what he wanted us to be and exactly the opposite of what he could have dreamed we would become."

His words were floating through the air on rainbow colored clouds in my mind, painting a picture of this exciting little senario where a creator that loved us accepted us and shaped us just as we were and then clapped at our surprising achievements. As wonderful as these flightly words felt, I wasn't feeling all to light about them myself. I really did feel like I understood, if not Aro then the difference between us and him, but I couldn't become satisfied with it in my mind and heart.

"And then there's you," I said quietly, gazing up at him with admiration, choosing not to argue with Edward over the conflict I had about Aro in my own thoughts but rather to get to the part where I heard more about how fascinating he was.

He squeezed me tighter to his side and took a deep breath in.

"And then there's me," he replied simply, hesitating for a moment as he turned his head to casually gaze around the forest surrounding our slow progression down the path. "I'm Power, as you know. I was created to give mankind something besides Love to fight over. I suppose I'm a mixture of the entertainment Aro found in Love's work and the influence Vanity had on people mistreating each other. While I wasn't specifically created to make humans act worse like Rosalie, I wasn't entirely created witht he purest intentions, either. The good side of me is my ability to provoke leadership and drive. With Power available humans have the ability to succeed and push themselves to limits they never thought were possible. The other side of me, though, the side that Aro wanted to see most, I'm afraid, was how people would battle each other for something selfish. See? It's the mixture of the fighting they were doing over Love and the selfishness they were experiencing dure to Vanity. He instantly found that I made them very clever, he tells me. He has always been quite pleased with the change I brought about."

I heard so many things lacing his words. Royal blue pride was very evident. It was easy to see that Edward was pleased that he pleased Aro. The other thing I heard the most, though, was something not so royal, not so bright, as pride. It was, perhaps, the remorse that Edward's human side felt at creating what were surely rifts in relationships due to his influence in the world.

I swallowed hard and pushed up the courage I had deep down inside of me so that I could press him for more information on his existence. I may have also slipped my hand underneath the hem of his shirt in an effort to distract him from how upset he could grow over my next line of questioning.

"You, um, you said to me once that on Earth you were alone and that you asked Aro to take you from that, uh, life. Is that really true, Edward?"

"Yes," he replied immediately.

I think I felt his skin grow tighter, more tense, underneath my hand, but other than that nothing changed. Much to my delight no clouds rolled in, no heavy rain drops were shed. He was apparently going to handle all of his dark emotions regarding his life underneath the bout of happiness he was experiencing.

"Why?" I asked cautiously.

"Bella, Aro didn't insert me into a normal human life as he did with you. I never had a family or a childhood. Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, and myself were all placed on Earth that way, they just delt with it better than I did. We were inserted exactly as we are and left in the same fashion."

"So you lied to me," I accused in a mock suspicious tone. I was trying to lighten the mood just a bit, not wanting any trace of a cloud to form on this day I because I started to detect a slight shift in his voice.

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"You told me that you are seventeen."

He rolled his eyes, seeing how ridiculous I was being about something so trivial.

A smirk pulled on his lips.

"Well, I am."

"Not really. You never earned it. You started out that way!"

His laugh was made up of beautiful sounds and I bathed in it, despite how short it was. He stopped walking and turned me to him, hugging me tightly against his lean body as he kissed my temple.

"You don't earn your age. Not when you are what we are. I promise you I felt just as seventeen as any other teenager that has roamed the living world has ever felt. It was part of Aro's formula for me."

I tightened my grip on him in an attempt to absorb some of him into every part of me.

"Why did he choose seventeen specifically?"

"He claims that it is one of his most favorite ages," Edward declared with a flourish that I assumed was a mock of Aro. "He is enthralled by the irrationality and passion enveloped in the teenage ages and decided to play with giving that sort of age group power. He told me that there was no other way for my influence to spread as swiftly as it did. Seventeen is the age when you are between being a man and a child, in his opinion. It is the time in which the two are conflicting, pulling you in opposite directions of maturity. He wanted that sort of volital combonation to be even more explosive. He made me, Power, as a seventeen year old human being because he correctly assumed that it would be a very, very, bold combonation. I was not a good person, Bella. Not when what I was overtook who I was trying to be. I'm so very grateful he put you on Earth only after I'd already left it."

A cool breeze was springing up around my feet. It was not a pleasant summer breeze. It was chilly and felt like a harsh spattering of colors that were seeping out of him and threatening his beautiful day and beautiful mood and I needed to erase them all immediately.

I pulled Edward's face to mine and kissed him with every comforting motion that I could muster through my lips. He kissed me back, but not in the way he'd been kissing me so far. There was a calm about his movements that was nice to feel, but also alarming because I didn't know if it meant he was slipping away from me into a passive, self-loathing place or not.

I pulled away and smiled at him as my fingers ran through his hair slowly. He seemed to be happy about that and the air around us was growing warm once again, slowly. I couldn't see his eyes through his sunglasses but I could feel the tension slipping out of his skin so I started to feel better about his control over his emotions.

"You seem more balanced than that now," I said quietly, hoping to encourage him.

"I am. Part of Forks' purpose is to be a place where I could mature when I got here, at least a bit, with time. I'll never look any different or completely shed my young human nature, but I'm allowed to exercise more of what I am here so that balances me. I was very confined on Earth, Bella. Here, in a world that actuallydepends on my control to thrive, I don't have to endure restrictions and therefore can remain more stable than I could in an environment that was not mine. It's not normal for me to feel completely content, though, no matter if I am in Forks or not. You have to understand that. It's part of what I am; the unattractive part. I will always feel like I do not have enough to be completely content. It's a curse I carry around with me and if we are going to be... together, you know, have what Alice and Jasper or Rosalie and Emmett have... then you need to understand that it's something you cannot soothe, either, no matter how much you mean to me. I have to make sure you are not offended by that part of my nature. Power will always long for more, Bella. I cannot help it."

His words sounded desperate and his forehead was creased but the rain clouds were not billowing in and blocking the sun so I was happy that he was at least giving me a chance to accept what he was asking of me before he grew hopeless over the situation.

"I don't think I have any choice but to accept you exactly as you are, Edward. I can't promise that it won't be hard for me at times, because I love seeing you so happy," I smiled and received one in return from him as I lifted a finger to trace his cheekbones, "but now that I'm more informed on you and how you were created to be I know I can be more understanding and patient with what you go through everyday just being what you are."

He nodded slightly and leaned into me, breathing, "thank you, thank you, thank you," over and over again between kisses.

Soon enough the kisses grew longer and deeper, though, and there was no room for his words. I'm not sure how long we stood in the middle of the dirt path entwined with each other, but it felt like too soon when he pulled away and sighed that we needed to get going before Alice showed up.

When we breached the clearing that led to the giant white house I felt an odd sense of comfort, even though the last time I'd been here I hadn't received the most comfortable news.

We met all of the others, minus Carlisle, near the front porch where they'd set up a really large, fluffy blanket on the grass. It was riddled with giant, colorful, plush pillows and a few umbrellas were stuck in the grass on the outer edges, but none of the four of Edward's family members were under their shade. They were all wearing their classic black clothes but their style had switched into something that seemed more summer-chic. Alice wore a small, flowy summer dress while Rosalie was in nice black shorts and a loose tank top. On her head was a rather large, elegant black hat reminded me of what women in the 50's wore to horse races. The boys were in casual shorts and t-shirts and they all looked sort of normal for once, but that was probably mostly because their unique colored eyes were all covered by sunglasses. Rosalie was pouring everyone something that looked like pink tea that looked very refreshing.

"Finally, you two. We almost sent Alice in to pry you apart," she said to us as we approached them. She glanced from Edward to me quickly and spoke with a blank expresion that looked like it just might want to be a smile.

I could almost feel a warmer part of her trying to break through and though that being around her family probably helped that come forth.

"I held her back for you," Jasper teased as he wrapped an arm around Alice who was laying next to him.

"You did nothing of the sort. I do have will power!" she argued.

"No you don't," Edward, Rosalie, and Emmett all answered at once making every one laugh in the midst of this already happy, summer scene. I instantly fell in love with the way the very air around us felt rosy and light.

Edward and I settled into their little set up, taking a spot on the blanket that wasn't already occupied.

"So... Edward... sun, huh?" Emmett asked with a sly smile as he lifted his eyebrows towards the sky.

Everyone grew quiet and looked straight at Edward with expectant faces, except for Alice who was beaming at me instead.

"Yeah, looks like it," Edward replied with a stunning smile and a squeeze of my hand. He took a glass of the pink tea from Rosalie and clinked it together with Jasper's.

They all looked truly happy for him and Alice literally began clapping when he turned and kissed my cheek after taking a sip of his drink.

"I'm so glad Bella's here," she sighed as she rested her head down on one of the bright blue pillows next to Jasper. "I've missed lazy days in the sun like this."

"And Flush Bud Tea," Emmett added, gulping down the last of his.

"Is that what that is?" I asked, pointing to the glass Edward was sipping from.

"Mmm hmm. And we only get it about once every ten living years," Emmett replied as he held out his own glass to Rosalie for a refill.

"That's not true," Edward admonished.

"Ok, sorry, I meant to say we only get it once every nine and a half years..."

Chuckles filled the air and even Rosalie cracked a smile that she threw in Edward's direction. He sighed and started rubbing circles on my back as he stretched his legs out in front of him. It was nice in the sun and I found that watching him relax was quite nice as well.

"They're teasing you, this much is obvious, but I can't figure out why," I said, earning more chuckles.

"We can only make Flush Bud Tea from the Flush Bloom which is a flower only found in Forks and only blooms when the sun comes out," Alice told me.

"So we don't get it often thanks to Captain Storm over here," Emmett added with a nod towards Edward.

Edward dipped his head and chuckled darkly under Emmett's more booming laugh. I could tell he was used to joking around like this and that he wasn't hurt by the comment but he didn't look comfortable with it either. I nudged his foot with mine and saw a small smile appear on his face.

"I'd like to try some, please," I asked Rosalie who already had a glass ready for me.

I sipped it and instantly fell in love. Wonderful blush colored sensations filled my taste buds. The taste was a mixture of something apple and something sweeter than that. It had an earthy feel, but you could taste the light pink shade of it as well.

"This is really good," I said right before I went back in for another sip.

"We make as much of it as we can when the flowers bloom, that way we're stocked up for the times we don't have the sun around," Alice explained. "Unfortunately we've had a rather long storm season... so we haven't been able to have any in a while."

"It's ok, though. It makes it that much better when we do get it!" Emmett cheered, I think mostly for Edward's benefit.

"It's Emmett's favorite," Rosalie told me.

"Mine too," Edward said quietly as he reached for my glass and took a sip himself.

It grew peacefully calm as everyone watched him sip happily. He sighed and leaned back into the large yellow pillow just behind us that looked like it was going to swallow him up as he fell back into it. I gazed around at everyone and found looks of contentness dashed across all of their faces. I realized then, just from knowing him for as long as I had, that they didn't often get a chance to see Edward in such a restful, easy state. It made me sad, but also determined.

Since I would be here with him always I would do whatever I could to make more days like these for all of them. For him, mostly, but for all of _us_, as well.

* * *

**Hopefully some things are getting cleared up for you, but not all the mystery should be gone ;) I promise things get shaken up in the future... there's still so much story to tell! **

**Thank you _so much_ for reading! Let me know what you liked and, if you feel strongly enough about it, what you didn't. I need to hear it all.**

**LOVE YOUS **

**-Car**


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